Anxious
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@Andrea yes and after 6 losses and 5 years of trying/ivf. I thought that might be the best way but it makes me soo nervous. I have literally repeat over and over that he won’t hurt him, the worst thing will be a grumpy baby and the routine messed up which all can be sorted the next day. I just want to be able to relax. It’s exhausting. I’ve decided to “manage” MIL and keep it to lunches/visits where I’m about until he’s a little bit older but I’ve made it clear he’s not staying over until a little bit older. But agree. Husband prob benefit from being thrown in the deep end. X
Oh I feel exactly the same but I am aware I am controlling. I think the fact that I am autistic also increases this because I feel very intensely about how everything needs to be done correctly and exactly how I think is the best/most efficient way of doing things. My PIL both fed her once and she downed the bottles so fast that she projectile vomited, it was awful. The way they were holding her was just so wrong and so bad for her reflux, both during and after the feed. I just couldn’t say anything and I still can’t believe my spouse didn’t either. Anyway, for me this anxiety applies with everything. From the way they do the dishes to how they cook or clean. So tbh I am “on your side” and feel like people should just follow your instructions.
Aww gosh I'm sorry to hear that, you've had a really rough time so that will be feeding into your anxiety massively But what you're saying exactly right at the worst will just be a messed up routine which sometimes happens anyway The more you do it though the more you'll be able to relax and know he is capable of looking after him, and that's something you'll need going forwards MIL is slightly trickier as she isn't follow your instructions but what you've said sounds like a decent plan x
@Marina that sounds tough. I’m only like this with LB and our dogs. Thankfully not much else. That sounds hard. I say to folk that I may be teaching how to suck eggs so to speak but a. I physically need to say it otherwise I just can’t stop worrying and b. Things change all the time. Even folk who had kids 10 years ago will notice things are different. I constantly apologise and try and say it nicely but I don’t feel heard. X
@Andrea it has been really tough and I just love my LB so much. I just want the best for him and him to be as happy as possible. And the newborn phase was tough so being in a better place, I want to keep it as much as possible. I just need to keep repeating it. I prob should consider some counselling I think. I’ll see what the hv says. I know. I felt so good after my SIL watched him. Everything went on plan and it was good. Whenever MIL watches him, it doesn’t and something is up. I’ve half said the plan to my husband but don’t what to upset him either. Ugh. I’d happily hide in a cabin with LB and dogs for the first year. 😂 x
You'll get through it and pretty soon it will come a lot easier. Counseling is probably a good shout if you can get it, .. it'll help massively just talking to someone and getting it all out.x
Is this your first? I think it's quite normal to be a bit anxious letting others have your baby especially when they don't follow your instructions It likely will settle with time and as he grows as well but as you say talk it out with your HV. However I will say, yes let your husband crack on, he'll figure it out...and you need to be able to lean on him when you need a break. If you never give him a go, he won't know what to do, Leave him instructions for how to prep a bottle etc if you need to and write down a routine to follow, this is what I used to do. It might not go to perfection the first time but it will get better the more he is involved