Sleep struggles day and night!

This may be more a rant but also looking for advice / tips.

My little one has gone from sleeping through the night well with no night feeds to waking a lot and not settling back!

Day sleep has always been a struggle, he is a cat napper, contact napper and feed to sleeper. Only time he doesnt feed to sleep is sometimes in carrier or when hes due a nap and in the car (he won't sleep in thr car unless due a nap and then it's normally overdue as he watches out back window too much!)
He has gone from 3, 30 to 45 minutes naps a day to 2. I have tried to do 3 but he fights the last nap so it's mostly 2 now. He has a few days this week had nearly an hour for nap 1 which was unheard of but his nights haven't improved (he does contact nap for every day nap and always has, i tried to nap train in the cot but he wouldn't ever settle and would have 10 minute naps and it wasn't working for anyone!) I spoke to a sleep adviser at a community groups and they told me to leave the day if the night is good, whixh it was for months 6/7.

We had teeth come in about 3 weeks ago now and had a week of hell, he would be waking constantly and after 3 attempts to put him in cot once asleep (after picking up) he just wouldn't go in so I did a bit of co sleeping on the floor of his bedroom.
This week he is waking always after 30 minutes screaming, he then resettled without a feed mostly (sometimes needs a feed but he does seem genuinely hungry those times). He is then waking through the night up to 5 times. I havent co slept this week, I try to resettle in cot wirh hand on chest, back etc but it rarely works so I have to pick him up. Quite often he goes back to sleep straight away (or takes an hour of holding him, one extreme to other!). But no matter how long I wait he can be snoring away and wake as soon as he feels the cot. I do this three times at eaxh wake before just holding him. This weekci have mostly managed to eventually get him baxk in the cot.
In the day he has extreme separation anxiety if I leave him for even 5 minutes in his playpen to go toliet, prep his food. Even if I'm other side of living room he cries and grabs my leg.
I sole parent Monday to Friday as my partner is out at work 13 hours a day and misses bedtime every night.
I have kept our bedtime routine the same he just cant self settle anymore.
My partner as he works long days and drives a long distance isn't keen to do overnight and I am exhausted.
I feel mum guilt as I feel I'm not as good with him in the day as I'm tired and I'm constantly battling naps, trying to get him to nap longer or have a 3rd one. The clinginess is also a lot and he won't settle with dad now for a sleep today (Saturday) which was unhesrd of before.
Will this get better, will he sleep through again! I am back to work soon reluctantly and not sure I can survive if this is our nights!

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So sorry you’re having a hard time. I think the 8 month sleep regression/developmental leap has a lot to answer for, my previously excellent sleeper has really struggled for the last month (completely in line with her Leap according to Wonder Weeks). We went from 7-7 sleeps every night to co-sleeping and def had moments where we thought it was going to be the new norm.

A few things that worked for us in case they help you -

1. Everything is a phase, the good and the bad so please try not to worry about going back to work as the likelihood is they will be through it by then!
2. Make sure they are warm enough at night- def led to more wake ups in our case
3. Cap the morning nap to 30/45 mins, this nap is where they catch up from night sleep, so if they know they can catch up they may be more inclined to not sleep as well in the night
4. Try and have a set sleep routine if you don’t already, eg black out blind, sound machine on low, sleep bag on, cuddle, feed, if they get comfort

From it then try a small teddy/comforter.

Persistence and consistency will be key, you will get through it and look back in a few months from a completely different place I’m sure!

Don’t battle the naps if they don’t want them - my daughter has been having 1 30 min morning nap and a 1-2 hour (depending on how she feels on the day rarely 2 hours atm) afternoon nap, regardless of how long she’s slept she absolutely rejects the third nap!!

Re sep anxiety, play LOADS of peekaboo, go behind the door, immediately look back around, make it a game - helped us loads!!

Sending positive vibes 🩷

Thank you both!
We spend a lot of time playing peekaboo but will keep going!!
I do hope this is a phase, wil lkeep battling through.
Just so hard when your on your own all day everyday without any support nearby :(. Luckily get help on weekends which is more than some!

on the capping the morning nap, most of our naps are cat naps anyway so 30/40 mins max. He has had a few longer morning ones this week but if I cap the morning to 30 minutes he will still only sleep 30/40 minutes in the afternoon. Just worrying he isn't getting enough sleep now. He only ever had max 2 hours through multiple naps since 4 months regression but now it's only about an hour and just seems too low!

Just like you have described, our LO was always terrible at transferring and we went through 5 months of hell. Contacting napping in the day became a prison, up to 10pm when we’d start to try and get her in her cot. It would take until 2am sometimes, she wouldn’t even let me put her next to me. If cosleeping was an option I’d have taken it. I got to breaking point and used the Ferber method to get her to send herself to sleep instead. Things improved from day 1 and she didn’t cry at all after 2 weeks. Best thing we ever did as we havn’t had any major issues since. We started with nighttime and then naps fell into place. She goes in the cot, we say goodnight and leave the room, she turns over and goes to sleep. The odd night we have had to sit in her room as she wouldn’t settle within the 10 mins we agreed on but only one night in 4 months have we had to get her to sleep in our arms and transfer (when she was ill and was struggling to breath). Something to consider if you need change

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