Scared of having a girl…

I’ll try to keep it short lol My mum had me and my sister close together and she just was not ok. I know it was down to my dad’s lack of understanding etc and so much more deeper things. She had an affair and essentially left my dad with me when I was 11 months and my sister who just turned 2 She was pretty messed up, saw us once every other weekend, drank, left us alone to see her bf, hit us. Just not very nice. But I get that to leave your kids you are in a BAD BAD place mentally. We’re fine now, as an adult I let it go. But I think I may be having a girl for my second baby and I’m petrified I’ll be my mum and I won’t cope? My son I coped so well considering, but honestly having a girl really really scares me ? Does that sound ludicrous?! How do I get over this lol

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Not ludicrous, but also you are not your mom and I am sure there were other things involved that you maybe don’t know about 🖤 try not to worry, mama I bet you’ll be even happier than you are now!

My mum's mum walked out on her when she was a baby and her two older siblings, as a result my mum was terrified of having kids because she was convinced it would be hereditary and she would do the same but if anything my mum overcompensated and has always shown me love and support. I found out recently she was also nervous when I was pregnant In case this tendency to leave your children skipped her but had been passed to me and I am literally obsessed with my daughter and could never dream of doing such a thing. You're not your parents, you're you ❤️

You're not being crazy, you have childhood trauma and that lives with you no matter whether you forgive them or not. Have you had therapy? I think it would really help you work on your fears and be able to move forward Also remember you are not your mother. Your mum probably had server post natal depression and that can make you do crazy stuff.

Having my daughter has been the most healing thing for me. She reminds me of little me so much and I see how easy she is to love, to cherish and keep safe. I see now very clearly that none of my past was on me. 💗

You’re not crazy for this thought, I have a son and I worry about being my mom all the time because I hated the way I grew up, and she’s always trying to tell me what I should do for my son and I ignored the advise because my whole intention was to raise him differently but all the time I found myself afraid I’ll become her and treat my child the way I was treated

I was terrified to have a girl because of my own relationship with my mother. Having my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. I can’t believe I was ever scared. You will be okay either way. You’re not your mom.

I think if anything you’ll be anything other than your mom if you have a daughter just because you know exactly how it feel to be in that position that you wouldn’t want to be like that. And your scared that means you care. I think you’ll be fine you seem like an amazing mom especially when you’re mom left. It’ll make you a better mom if anything. Don’t stress it. You got this

Babe it’s going to be okay! I was EXACTLY the same. Weirdly now I always say having a girl was my BLESSING, you have an opportunity to rewrite your past trauma and act differently to your mum, and you will be amazing x here if you need someone to talk to about this I cried for a week when I found out I was having a girl lol But yeah, you won’t be like your mum. And bring better will feel AMAZING

You’ll break the cycle if you want to! My grandma was so abusive to my mum. But my mum broke the cycle, a little bit filtered through but she’s always been open to conversation if not a bit hard of hearing and defensive lol. I don’t have a daughter but still working on breaking the cycle. You’ll be a great girl mum xx

It’s not ludicrous! I felt that way when I was pregnant because I have a long list of mental health problems and I am still terrified I’m going to pass them onto my daughter. My mom and I don’t have a good relationship mainly because I’m very emotional and she’s very “get over it” and that just doesn’t work for me. I’ve always wanted a daughter so I could do things differently with her and so I just look at how I was raised as an opportunity to have a more open relationship with my baby girl kinda like a do-over of what I would’ve wanted.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I had two under two, a boy (older) and a girl (younger-7 months) and I would say my daughter is more easy going than my son. 🙂

I would say the fact you’re conscious of it is a good sign, but definitely get some help if you feel overwhelmed at any point! Take some time now to ensure you have a good support network for those postpartum days xx

I feel this way sometimes. Like, I don't wanna be the bitchy boy mum when I am a mil, but also don't wanna be the mum who is jealous of her own daughters. So far I have 1 boy. Just gotta keep focusing on what you DO want. xx

given your trauma, not ridiculous at all. I would however, strongly suggest seeking some counselling prior to help you mentally prepare yourself xx

I'm also terrified of becoming my mum. Keep telling yourself you are not her, and you are not living her life. Having a daughter is the most wonderful thing that has happened to me, she is incredible, funny, cheeky, kind, and we do so much fun stuff together. I think that experiencing having a daughter will affect your relationship with your mum, as you will feel more like you can't believe she did that to you and your sister. I did at least, I understand my mum was not mentally healthy for a long time but I just feel so disappointed that she couldn't recognise that and seek help. We are on good terms now but have never spoken about it, and I can see that she still finds children overstimulating so we don't spend lots of time together.