Guidance on dealing with a jealous stepson 😭

I can’t imagine how hard that must be for you. However, you need to understand the changes he’s going through. It’s natural for a child to want his parents to be together. He just met you after a year and a half of his dad dating you. It seems like he was getting used to the idea of seeing his dad with a woman who is not his mom. Then a few weeks later you tell him that you and his dad are having a child. That to him would probably feel like his mom and dad are never getting back together and his dad is not only having another child but another son who is going to have his parents together. I honestly think this is a typical reaction from a child of separated/ divorced parents. He’s still young and going through things. I know it’s hard but just give him time.

I don’t know if it will get better and I don’t have advice but it was absolutely wrong of your partner to wait until after he got you pregnant before introducing his son. I think it was too much too soon.

@Crystal thanks for your reply, really appreciate it. I didn’t think of it like that in terms of his mum and dad getting back together etc, only as they’ve been apart for over 8 years. They broke up when he was two so it’s mostly all he’s ever known. I guess it’s just alot of change and alot to navigate together but it’s making me so anxious and so protective over my own son as I feel he’s just not genuine at all and I worry to even leave them int he same room together because what if he does something?? I really feel like he thinks my son is an inconvenience to his life and would rather him not exist which breaks me heart. It’s then hard to see him act like a perfect doting big brother whenever we are infront of other people. How does a 10 year old know low to switch up their behaviour so easily like that 😔

@jasmine I totally agree. Unfortunately it wasn’t planned and came as quite a surprise so we tried to handle it as best we could in the circumstances. He knew about me for the whole time just hadn’t physically met me

I definitely gets harder. We are four years in and I’m struggling more than ever. Don’t have much advice but we experience the same so just meeting you know you’re not alone and not wrong in how you feel xxx

Of course. Well that makes even more sense to me. Yea, he was too young to even remember his parents together but that’s probably why he may want to see that. I get you wanting to protect your son as that’s your right as his mother but it’s also his father duty to protect his first born son as well. Which I get is why he waited so long and from what you said due to other events. Honestly he may feel that way. His father should have a conversation with him to see what he may be feeling and to reassure him. He may feel like your son is “replacing” him. He just needs to be reassured that he’s not.It takes time.

I would say just give it time, even though you probably feel that you have. But my partner didn’t want to tell his son I was pregnant till I was heavily showing, so I followed his lead and it went not awful but not good. He just refused to listen/ talk about it. (He was 5) and whenever we’d mention he’d start talking over us and look away. Baby then came along and he didn’t want to hold her, still wouldn’t really want to talk about her would always just want dad to play with him when he came round. Fast forward to baby being 4/5 months probably he started to show interest, slowly getting better and now (12 months) he’s really good with her. Gives her little taps on the back when he randomly feels like it, gives her cuddles. It’s super cute and she absolutely adores him. Laughs and smiles at the sight of him. My partner started promoting him to do things for her - not big and not all the time but slowly building up. Ahh can you pass her this, can you get this for me for her. maybe try?