AITA

So myself and partner are getting married December 2026. We have decided that the only children that will be attending our wedding are our own! This is because my soon to be sister in law has 5 unruly children and I know they would ruin our day! She has zero control over them and she would let them do as they please! So she expressed that as the family would be attending the wedding she has no babysitter and HAS NO CHOICE but to bring the kids. We told her if she shows up with her kids on the day or anyone else they will be told to wait outside with the child/ren until they have them picked up or they can leave with! The rule is explicit for both sides of the family and there will be no young children from my family either. His family have been harassing us since telling us we need to have kids attend and it’s not fair because they deserve to be there too! They follow up with “we know it’s your day and your decisions but the kids need to come” despite us explaining our venue also has a maximum number of guests and we have hit this max already in terms of friends and family (adults) that we would rather celebrate our special day with as opposed to unruly spoilt children! So would we be the assholes if we told them that if they don’t stop with the guilt trips they will no longer be attending the wedding ? And if a babysitter cannot be gotten then tough! I feel like if she cared about celebrating with us at all she would do anything to find a sitter it’s not like she had 2 days notice she has almost 2 years ….

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No ma'am, you are NOT the AH. SIL definitely has some entitlement issues and it doesn't seem like she's ever heard the word "no" a day in her life. Probably explains why her kids are so unruly! You're giving her, as well as all the other guests, 2 YEARS to plan accordingly. She knows what she's doing. I hate that you're having this drama so early on in your wedding planning. It's you and your partner's special day and should stay as such. I've been to weddings that did have kids and some that didn't. I had kids at my own wedding. If it's ok I can share a few tips that I did as well as saw at other weddings that helped keep the kids busy/ entertained so everyone else had fun! Congratulations to you and your little family! 💒

It’s in 2026 she has plenty of time to find a sitter.

I think its really harsh to have not invited your nieces and nephews. Do you not want your children to have other children to play with? Invite who you want ofc its your wedding day but ngl if my sister/sister in law didnt invite my children, I would find this hurtful on their behalf. So I do think you are a slight AH for that ngl but perhaps I am minority!

Like it or not they are family including the kids. Presumably the people that would normally babysit would be at the wedding. Personally if my brother or bils did that we just wouldn’t go. Obviously it’s your wedding so you can invite who you like but I don’t really understand why couples that get married make it so difficult. Not you particularly but when they are driving a distance to attend the wedding or going overseas or banning newborn babies.

@Becky our biggest reasoning for not having kids is because hers are simply spoilt rude and myself and partner know they would be running all over the place ruining special moments. And additionally our venue has a maximum number of guests we have other friends / family that we would rather have than kids that are too young to remember…to each their own but we just want a romantic chilled wedding without kids screaming. This applies to both sides of the family and there are people on my side of the family who’s kids will also not be attending to ensure it’s fair x

@Karen no one at the time will have new borns as such. And we do accept that the kids are family. I should have mentioned she does have babysitters such as her husbands family who could take the kids without problem but she is simply being awkward and entitled. I feel like she could have asked us in a nicer way and after we gave her an answer leave it at that. But the constant nagging and entitlement is just stressing us out if I’m honest and not fair to expect us to change our minds and as I said our venue has a maximum number and we have reached that already without considering kids. There are adults that we would rather have celebrate with us than children and our venue is an hour away so not an overly taxing journey for guests x

@Becky it may be harsh but these kids are horrible and would ruin every special moment! They may be family but the fact they are horrible is not the only reason here. We’ve reached max numbers already for our venue without the kids so couldn’t accommodate them as there are others we would rather celebrate with.My kids will be able to play with each other. It’s not that I’m trying to be hurtful (if that was my intention I’d have just not have invited her kids and invited kids from my side) but to keep it fair we have decided to not have any except our own. But I feel like the constant nagging and harassment from his family is just unnecessary at this point and she does infact have babysitters such as her husbands family but is just being awkward and trying to guilt trip us x

Also just to add further reasonings - there will be alcohol served at this wedding and just wouldn’t be appropriate as with drunk adults there would be no one looking after said kids and nor is it in our budget to entertain them

Not the ass hole. Your wedding your rules. Family or not 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your wedding is in 2026 which leaves her almost 2 years to find arrangements. It is your wedding & your rules and family should respect that. Don’t back down & stick to your guns!

Your wedding so absolutely your choice! I personally love an excuse to leave the kids at home 😅

Everyone else you’ve invited didn’t have a problem with it. And if someone else’s kids show up that will probably make them confused and annoyed. But at the end of the day, who is so ridiculous that they don’t want an opportunity to get a babysitter for FIVE unruly children so they can party? Sounds like they’re being contrary to be contrary.

@Kaylyn honestly they just love the sound of their own voices

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