Poll based on a comment (now gone)

No, but I also feel like having more than one child is a different experience to having two. I see friends with one child and they seem to have a lot more time & flexibility.

I never realized how gatekeeping moms could be. What's next, are adoptive moms also not 'real' moms?

When I look at my friend with 5 kids I do feel less of a parent if I’m honest. Not in a negative way either

@Melissa I didn’t realize until I joined peanut that there is gatekeeping in almost everything

I think having more than one is harder but does it make someone less of a mother?! Absolutely not, what utter madness (not to mention how emotionally detrimental that could be to those who have tried desperately to have a second child and are unable to)

@Lydia I think I get what you mean. They usually have more responsibility and maybe less of a break. Especially I feel like the kids you have older and younger kids like some people are raising kids their whole life. Which is nothing wrong with that but that's just what I seen. Me personally, I don't think I could handle five kids lol.

Motherhood is motherhood it’s different for everyone. Just because you only have one doesn’t mean you haven’t gone through as much as someone with 5. Having more kids just unlocked different levels (keeping one healthy while another is sick, putting two kids to sleep at the same time, bunk beds are some of my favourites lol)

@Tabia exactly! Plus I’m not with my son’s dad so I get like two days off every fortnight. My life hasn’t changed TOO much compared to married friends with 3+ kids so I do feel less like a “proper” mother

Since I went straight to having two kids from none I am always confused when people argue this

@Lydia I feel like my life has changed alot since being a mom. But I only have one. So yes I feel like I have more freedom and I could spend more on certain things for my child.

Then does mom status increase with each child? How do I become ultimate mom? Ultimom if you will

Not at all lol there’s no tiers to being a mother. I’m actually happy I’m one & done..nothing about having another kid is enticing, I get to experience motherhood without losing myself in motherhood

Maybe in the same way that you haven’t “given birth” if you’ve had a c section? Utter nonsense, if you’re a mum you’re a mum. I can see that you develop a bigger skill set the more children you have or the longer you have been a mother. But everyone’s experiences of motherhood are different.

nah who said that 🤣🤣 ppl say anything

No because motherhood isn’t one homogeneous experience. People experience motherhood differently for all kinds of reasons - age, personality, support network, finances, health - the list goes on! We all have our struggles and plus points. Someone could have loads of kids and never see them 🤷🏽‍♀️ but that’s still their version of motherhood.

@Nelphy she’s banned now but it was a weird comment.

@Victoria~ I dunno maybe I should feel like an ultimom lol

No you def don’t need more than one child to fully experience motherhood. Trust me…one kid can bring enough chaos, joy, and mystery stains in your house to last a lifetime. Motherhood is about the bond, the challenges, and wondering how someone so small can make such a big mess lol whether it’s one kid or a whole squad 😊

I saw that post and scrolled past it cause I was not engaging in such stupid rhetoric

Having one confirmed me not wanting anymore. I was on the fence about kids. Happy if I did and happy if I didn't sort of thing. But two we couldn't afford and actually have a quality of life. Which I view as important. Having just one means we can do things with our daughter and she won't miss out on opportunities we just couldn't afford with two

You’d be surprised just how many times people treat mums of just one differently or act like we don’t know as much or have as much experience just because you’ve only got one. Being a mum is weird it’s like being in school cliques all over again 😂

That comment makes no sense to me. Having two is significantly easier then having one for me. I had my 'harder' child first and now even though my second is so different I kind of know what to expect. Still hard, still experiencing motherhood, but I was before too.

I didn’t realise how much judgement went on with motherhood until I joined this app! The other day I saw a post where she spoke badly of her MIL for having too many kids, and now someone is less of a mother for having not enough! Honestly feels like a losing game! No matter what you do, someone will tell you are wrong! Just do you, ladies! (within reason being safe OBVIOUSLY) but don’t let them mum shame you for things that are safe, that they just disagree with ❤️

No, I suppose the experience could be limited based on how old the child is {having a newborn is a different experience to having a pre-schooler/pre-teen/teenager etc..}. It doesn't make anyone any less of being a mum. Motherhood is a life long journey & how many children that you have is irrelevant.

No but I think that you might need to have more than one child to be intimately privy to certain challenges that mothers with multiple children face specifically on a daily basis . Idk I wasn’t as restrictive as I am now with three children among other things - there is certainly a difference as there obviously clearly is a difference from the number 1 and 2 or 1 and 3 and so on…however this doesn’t mean that mothers with one child are any less mothers than those with several

@Katelynn see mine are the other way round. My first was a, all things considered, ‘chill’ baby (as in he could just go about his business playing, slept well most of the time, sensitive and shy but eventually warms up). My second is sooo much more demanding and hot and cold (I think we’ve had like 7 good nights since birth and she’s 1 next week, I can’t even step away from her without her crying/panicking, she lets us KNOW when she’s not happy, very high energy also very cheeky and playful and loves attention). And my older one has had a few medical issues after he turned 1, but my second has had (and still does) reflux, is on laxatives and has already had 1/2 rounds of antibiotics. So I’ve had very different experiences each time, but I wouldn’t have said I hadn’t experienced motherhood if I’d only had one of them, it just wouldn’t have been such a ‘broad spectrum’ that I’ve had with both of them if that makes sense.

Definitely not, that’s so silly!

@Megan this proves my point so well. Everyones experiences are different and doesn't discount another.

@Lauren the amount of times I've had this said to me as I had c sections both times, i still give birth!!🤣

@Sophie people have actually said that to you?! That’s wild! Both of my births were vaginal but I would never judge someone for having a c section, it’s definitely not the easy way out!

@Lauren when I first joined peanut I was like 6 months postpartum and people were calling c section “the easy way out”. I didn’t have a choice really I trusted my OB to do what was safest for my babies.

@Lauren oh yeah especially when I was pregnant with my second, asking if I'm going to have him "properly" or "naturally" this time😅 x

I’m pretty confident that if I had given birth to a six pound baby, breach, followed by another six pound baby, I wasn’t going to get a light time achievement award. I would have just had a sore cooter.

I don’t think this logically or about other people, but I have been trying for my second for 2 years (having lots of miscarriages) and it doesn’t look like it will ever happen, and I’ll admit one of the things that makes me sad is feeling like I’m less of a mum or inferior to other mums for just having one. It doesn’t make sense on a logical level, and I voted no in the poll, but I can’t help but feel that way sometimes x

@Hannah aweeee Hannah. So I think that I can understand that maybe mentally you feel like less of the a mom because you’re not the mom you envisioned yourself being, which is a mom of more than 1? Does that sound right?

@Zainab🗝️ I mean I’ve had to heal from stitches downstairs twice and it was pretty painful, but a c section is through so many layers of tissue, how on earth is it the easy way out?!

@Zainab🗝️ Yeah you’re probably right, it’s probably because I always imagined myself as having more than 1, and particularly when I was pregnant before my miscarriages I really envisioned it. That’s possibly why I feel a bit inferior and less than those who have more children x

@Sophie “properly”?! 💀 I’ve tried to remove the word “naturally” from my vocabulary when it comes to birth as a lot of people don’t get the option for a vaginal birth. First one was yanked out with forceps for me so hardly “natural” 🤣 x

@Hannah you’re absolutely not less of a mum at all. I’m sorry for your losses and hope you get to have your rainbow 🌈 x

@Lauren they put in an iv during my c section and according to the ER doc it was too much fluids. I ended up in the ER because they sent me home with extreme swelling. Fluid was surrounding my lungs and heart. If I laid down flat on my back I would start drowning. I don’t think that a vaginal birth would have done all that 😭 that being said I would rather be cut open than have my vagina tear to my butthole.

@Lauren Thank you so much 💗 x

One child is more than enough to gain experience and it will also let you know whether you want more children or not

I also find this if someone’s child is older than yours. Sometimes it can be helpful because they can give you advice etc. but someone said to me they wasn’t going to listen to my opinion because I’ve been a “parent for 5 minutes” because her child was older than mine. Which I disagree with- you can have an opinion on anything no matter what age your child is.

@Zoe of course everyone can have an opinion but real life experience is valuable. My kids are disabled I’m probably not going to seek out advice from someone who has one young child that is developmentally average. Certainly not criticism. I don’t think that’s the same thing as this particular comment I read though.

@Zainab🗝️ I would obviously understand why you wouldn’t do that. I think it depends on the scenario. I was talking to them about co sleeping and that’s when they said that. Which I don’t think I need more than one child and/or a child the same age as theirs to have an opinion or be more of a mother than them. That’s the relevancy I was bringing.

@Zoe Respectfully, I think there is a reason people may dismiss a "newer" parent's opinion on some things, like sleep, especially if they have, say, a 2 month old, while you have a 10 month old. I have seen moms on here ask questions for their 10 month old baby's sleep, and someone comments with a very braggy attitude about how well their routine works, and you should try this. You click on their profile and they have a 2 or 3 month old. A newborn is developmentally very different from an older baby, and new parents who haven't experienced older babies often don't realize how much their baby will change in the first year. I get why it would be infuriating to be dismissed because your baby is a newborn and have it framed as "you've been a parent for 5 minutes," but I can also see the opposite perspective where it's frustrating to get comments from parents with newborns who think they know everything about babies because they've had an easy newborn for 6 weeks.

@Zainab🗝️ oh my gosh that sounds horrendous. Well no, that wouldn’t be pleasant either, but there are things you can do to avoid tearing. I create gigantic babies with huge heads and I didn’t tear that badly.

@Melissa I said it depends on the scenario. I’m also not here to argue about it lol I just made a comment I think was somewhat relevant. My point only was you’re no less of a mother either way and can have an opinion. Don’t agree you should have a shitty attitude etc or brag about your sleep. I just said I wouldn’t co sleep and she made that comment. Again not here to back and fourth this.

@Zoe agreed, just don't have a shitty attitude lol. I'm not being confrontational here, just pointing out that I can see the other perspective. Yes, she could certainly have said it better, but having had comments like this on my own questions, I can see where it's frustrating and annoying. Doesn't make you less of a mom, just worth considering when having a conversation. 🤷

I just had my first child 5 months ago and i feel very much like a mother. Im experiencing the hell out of motherhood🤣