Im a Maid of Honor and pregnant- need to vent!

The bride to be (who has never been pregnant) doesn’t understand that a pregnant belly isn’t just “gaining weight”. It changes the entire shape and silhouette of your body, and is impossible to predict!! She wants me to wear a perfectly tailored dress that lands at the “small” of your waist. You have to send in all your measurements before hand, including under-bust to floor (which wont be anywhere near the same) and it is a HAND MADE DRESS so there are no “sizes” to sizes up and you have to order in time for it to be made and shipped (she only just sent us the dress last week for her feb 22 wedding date) I gave her multiple maternity alternatives and she said no. She said “its ok if your shoes are showing (from the skirt hiking up over my belly)” as long as you are in the same dress as everyone else. This photo of my last pregnancy didnt help her understand why that is impossible. I am currently 20 weeks (on monday) and will be 25 on the wedding day. So im assuming this might be about the same difference Should I just do a malicious compliance situation and show up looking horrible, or should I step down and attend as a guest in a dress that accommodates my growing body?

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I would step down. You don’t need her stressing you out. You’re doing something super important - growing life - and that sweet one deserves a stress free environment and mama. Maybe one day bride will understand but otherwise, I’d just wish her the best and keep it pushing. Very cute baby bump btw 🥰 wishing you the best in this situation ❤️

First of all, you are beautiful- and your bump is adorable! It’s says a lot about you that you’re even trying to explain and make her ridiculous demands work. However, you are pregnant. If this causes you any stress- it’s not worth it. She’s putting you in a situation where you will be made to feel bad about your changing body, when there are hundreds of options to accommodate a growing bump. If she can’t see that, I would let her know you are stepping down and you are so excited to support her from the seats with the rest of the guests. ❤️

Be in the wedding!! You were obviously important enough to her to be her maid of honor. If it’s not perfect, oh well (and well, you told her so). For your own comfort; I’d suggest seeing if you can find an actual seamstress or dress maker who can take your measurements, and let them know the obvious predicament. They may know how to better take your measurements to accommodate for the unknowns, especially if this person has a picture of the dress. They may also be willing to help alter the dress once received if it’s not quite right (if there’s time) Assuming you WANT to be in the wedding that is… go for it!

Being so close to the day, I totally get how stressful wedding planning is. However, I also had a pregnant bridesmaid and wanted to make sure they had a dress that was accommodating for them. Everyone was in the same colors, but different style dresses. If bride isn't willing to compromise, I say do what's best for you and your mental sanity. It's a hard decision to make because disappointing a friend can be just as mentally exhausting as complying with her stipulations. Sorry you're having to deal with all of that and I hope you come to a solution that works for you.

I would definitely not try your option 1. I don’t think either you or her will be happy and it may cause damage to your friendship. I feel your frustrations in that she doesn’t seem to understand but you can’t expect her to if she’s never been in this situation. Is the dress being made by a known person or is it like one of those sites that just makes it when you order it? I wonder if it’s custom if there’s a way to let the seamstress know you will have a growing belly and asking if they would be able to add some room for growth. I can imagine you can always go back and tailor it if it’s too big or whatnot at a local shop once it comes in. Ultimately if that feels like too much of an inconvenience for you, you have the right to ask to step down as a compromise to you both.

@Natalia its an Etsy seller, and ive been waiting days on a response from them. Im starting to stress out because the wedding is only 5 weeks away and I have no clue if/how this seller can accommodate, and if I have time to take it in to a local tailor if theres any issues with it once it arrives. (No posted esteemed timeframe for making the dress once ordered)

What material is the dress and is it possible that you can still have the same dress as everyone else but work with a tailor that can alter the dress to make it a maternity dress?

@Reagan it just says “velvet” but idk if its the stretchy kind of velvet or the backed velvet thats not very forgiving. The seller hasn’t answered me yet

@Emily maybe she’ll let you sub the material if they look the same in the end? I feel like if maybe there can be slight alterations to the dress to make it work for you without changing the overall look of the dress then definitely see if you can explore some of those options if not tell her if she’s unable to accommodate then you’ll possibly have to step down or wear an alternative the day of

Make the measurements slightly bigger. It’s easier to get it altered to be smaller opposed to making something small bigger. Call around to find out when you’d have to take it in to be altered so it’d be ready in time & fit you perfectly.

I wouldn’t want to be part of a wedding like that!! I’d step down

Totally add inches to your measurements! If you have measurements or sizes from a previous pregnancy even better!