Not holding baby properly

I have an issue. Several times I caught my husband holding our baby and changing hands or simply for a short time (but still!) without supporting his back, but only by the neck (holding with one hand). I constantly tell him that this is not allowed and even cry (it worries me a lot), but he does it again and again! Today I could not stand it and googled it for him and threatened to report him if he harms him or makes him a cripple. Do you know how harmful this is? For me, it is clear without explanation, but it does not get through to him. How can I help him with this? I no longer trust him with the child. I think I should take the baby to an osteopath, let him check it and at the same time get them explain to my husband why it's a bad habit before it is too late. And on the osteopath's website I read that it is advisable to visit them if baby is tearful and restless. We have this. He is restless even during feeding, especially when the father comes in and distracts us talking to me or touching the baby. It breaks my heart to see him holding him like that, and how many times haven't I seen it when I wasn't there?... I don't have the nerves anymore... I don't want to be a hyper-anxious mom, but I don't want to miss anything important out either. And I want to talk to his mom too. Do you know how bad/serious this is and if you came across this and how to stop him doing this as I might want to kill him soon if he won't? 😄

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Sorry, when you say by the neck, what exactly do you mean? Like baby’s neck cradled into his hand/ supported around the neck, but resting on his arm or legs etc whilst he switches, or like, held out away from the body and baby dangling, only being held by the neck?
I see your baby is a few weeks old still, it’s normal for them to be restless and tearful, but if in particular discomfort feeding, that could be an underlying issue like reflux for example. It’s not an immediate indication of a serious problem.
That said, if your partner cannot hold your baby in a safe way, of course you’re right to be worried!

And spina bifida, the condition you’ve screenshotted, is to do with baby’s development in the womb, a neural tube defect. Of course he could absolutely harm baby if he’s not holding him properly, but you don’t need to be concerned about spina bifida specifically.

Second everything Chloe has said!

It does sound a little like you’re perhaps very anxious around your new baby , which is totally normal!! It’s what post partum does to you, it’s your job to protect your baby, but maybe you’re being over anxious. Babies are resilient and strong, and once you have more than one you just cannot hold the new baby the prefect way all the time, I had a 2 yo and a new baby, my god if this were the case my now 8m old would be severely disabled, there’s only so much you can do with one hand per child and a demanding toddler, try to look at what he is doing again and assess if it’s definitely unsafe or if your brain has just gone into over protective mode around your precious new baby. If it’s genuinely unsafe then seek further help around that but maybe it’s postpartum anxiety too and if that’s the case there’s loads of support available around that too, should you need it. Sending love to you mama

Additionally chiropractic / Osteo for babies if they’re unsettled can be really beneficial, I took both of mine and highly rate it. So perhaps this would be a good thing to do, any they can be very reassuring, my chiropractor was brilliant in telling me how strong and robust babies really are x

Babies are very resilient as Philippa said! Again I agree, assess what he is doing and if baby is actually in pain or looks uncomfy or whatever? As I know when I used to pass my kids to people I'd pass them with my hand on their head/neck and one on the bum not on their back, not sure how I used to swop arms tbh as its just what I used to do so 🤷‍♀️ but both mine are 3 and 5 and believe me have absolutely no issues what so ever! And I'm 99% sure spina bifita is just for when they are developing inside the woman which is why we are supposed to take folic acid for the first 12 weeks if memory serves me correct 🤔 baby getting distracted is normal when someone enters the room when feeding my kids did it when I was feeding, as soon as someone walked in they fussed which is frustrating but they are nosey and want to know what's going on 😂 you are in protective mama phase totally understand it honestly I think nearly every mother goes through it... But again when you have more than one you do things differently

And realise you don't have be to sooo cautious, have you ever seen how some of the health team handle kids! Honestly I was shocked after my first like how are you being so rough (what looked to me as being rough) 😂

Your baby’s fine

Google AI overview is almost always incorrect.
Try to click on the little links to do more in depth research for your own peace of mind.
Again don't trust the AI overview, it gives almost hilarious results sometimes!

Babies don't "develop" Spina bifida. It is a birth defect, so if they have it, they will have it from birth. Trust me, I know, because I have Spina bifida.

I agree with what everyone is saying, and think that maybe you need to allow yourself time to breathe a little. Threatening to report your husband is huge, of course if he’s really harming the baby then please by all means report him and leave him, no one should ever harm a child. But, I think there’s a lot of anxiety involved because deep inside you know if your baby was really in harms way, you wouldn’t be there with your husband. It’s okay to have anxiety, I had it so much with my baby (11 weeks now), which I didn’t get with my first. But, maybe try consulting with your baby’s pediatrician together and bring up the way he’s holding him and see if it’s a safe hold.

Thank you everyone for your replies and reassurance 🙏 ❤️

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I need to rant I’m so upset

When I was pregnant my mother in law told me part of her Nigerian culture is to wash the baby with African black soap when they are a day old. Apparently in their culture it is said to stop body odour. Now even I wouldn’t use African black soap on my own skin it is SO DRYING. I was so against it because newborn skin is so delicate and I LOVE the newborn baby smell, but I didn’t want to upset her and I didn’t want to offend my partner. So I asked to compromise, I said can we do this when he’s a little older, like 3 months where his skin is more mature. She agreed, she asked if she could use an African net to scrub him, I said absolutely not.
Fast forward to the day after my son was born we had a big altercation where she and my partner accused me of starving my son because I refused formula and wanted to breast feed but I wasn’t producing enough ( it was the next day, my body was just producing colostrum and I was feeding it to him through a syringe) he was absolutely fine she just wanted to be a bitch. I was so upset and refused to speak to her or my partner. Eventually me and my partner we made up and our son spent 7 days in neonatal unit and was eventually told we can go home. He spoke to his mum who said she didn’t feel welcome in our home ( I lived with my mum at the time). I told him to tell her it’s the home of her grandson she is more than welcome. He then said that she said she’ll only come to see her grandson on the day he comes out of hospital if she can do the African black soap. I felt manipulated because how could I say no. So she did it. And she scrubbed my son silly. He was 6 days old, I’m still traumatised. Now he’s 4 months and has the driest ezecma prone skin. It’s heartbreaking I’m trying everything. My partner said he had ezecma as a baby/kid, but when I ask my mother in law she lies and says he didn’t when I know he did. How could he not? You scrubbed your son just like how you scrubbed mine. I’ve tried everything, creams, baths, no soap just water like how I would have wanted to do from the beginning. I can’t help but feel so much resentment. She got to do her silly ritual for her grandson and F off and now I’m left with a baby with such sensitive ezecma dry skin. I hate her for it, our relationship has never been the same since my baby was born. I’ve told my partner how I feel and he understands but it’s his mum so he feels like he can’t do or say anything. Any way I just wanted to rant. If anyone is of Nigerian descent and has had this done to their child, what did you do to help them? Did they have dry skin too? Or if anyones child has dry or ezecma prone skin, what did you do?

Thank you.

AITA for not telling my mom we were headed to hospital?

I am now 40 weeks pregnant and last night I had a couple hours of very intense and aggressive movements from my baby. It was causing a lot of pain and I was struggling to stand up or do anything other than be on all fours on my bedroom floor. I called the midwife and they suggested to come in just to check babies heart rate. I knew it wasn’t contractions, and I suspected baby was fine, but the pain made me think it was worth just getting checked out.

We decided to go in at about midnight. Now my mom and my in laws live with us (complicated situation), and my in laws were awake at the time. So we quickly handed off the monitor for our first child over to them and headed out the door. We assumed my mother was already asleep.

When we got back from triage my mother was at the door waiting for us looking pretty fuming, and the first thing she said was “Why didn’t you tell me you were going in”.

Now I feel like this isn’t about her, and she shouldn’t be making it about her. Our priorities were to hand over the monitor for our first child and head in to the hospital. But maybe we should have woken her? What do you think?

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I know it’s completely normal but our girl is sometimes only going every hour in the night for a feed and then she will fall asleep not even getting a full feed so I have to try and wake her.

It’s really starting to get to me the lack of sleep, I’m jealous my husband is getting like 7 hours a night when he could help if it was formula, and can’t stop comparing to my first who at this age was taking an expressed bottle 3 times a night only.

Any breast feeding mums - when does this get better? I don’t think I can do it much longer. I find myself getting frustrated with this gorgeous girl in the early hours and I hate that. I don’t want to pump this time either

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