I’ve just had my first at 31, and *if* I have a second it won’t be until I’m 35 ish. I think it’s more important to have your babies when you’re ready for them, rather than when you’re young. I know in my heart that if I’d had my daughter even 3 years ago I wouldn’t have been mentally ready to give her what she needs, and I would have had things I wanted to do that I wouldn’t have been able to. My worry was that on some level I’d have resented what she’d stopped me doing, which in the long run would have hurt her more than being a bit older. I think the fact that you’re worrying about being the best you can be means you’re a wonderful mum, and will make an awesome grandma (if it happens) ♥️🥰
I had my first at 33 (last year) and my parents are 70 (dad) and 69 (mom), and they are still good and effective grandparents! I think the important thing is to take care of your health from now on so you can be there to see them grow and where their lives take them. I think it’s very wise to wait til you’re emotionally ready to have kids. Gotta break those generational trauma chains!
Deffo don't overthink it, I had my 3rd baby 8 months ago and I've recently turned 40!
We've just had our first at 33. This is how we wanted it. Both lived our lives and enjoyed our younger years, been married for almost 6 years, so got to enjoy our time together and travel as a couple and now we're ready to start our new chapter. Everyone is different. My eldest sister was 18 with her first and 35 with her 5th. I'm also the youngest sibling and the last to have a child (my nephew had a child before me) My mom and pops are in their 60s and both awesome grandparents (& great grandparents). It's a personal journey and all you can do is make sure you take care of your health so you can be around and active for as long as possible.
I’m having my first at 34 . I work in a school and all the parents are such a mixture. I see lots of women having their first babies in their 40s. I have no regrets, been with my husband since we were 19. We enjoyed our 20s . Finally got married in our early 30s and now starting our family. Try not to compare yourself to society. Everyone’s storylines are different.
My partner is 43 our son is 3.5 months old My grandmother is 85 this year and still enjoys time with my son and my 8 year old nephew so you never know how the cards will go so just enjoy it to best of your ability
I’ve had similar thoughts to you (had my first at 34)… but then when I look back on where I was at 25, 28, etc… I would have been a disaster of a parent; I could barely take care of myself, I lacked direction or any real confidence. I think my daughter is better off with the ‘older’ me than that version, even with my creaky knees… you had reasons you didn’t feel ready, and your gut instinct was probably right. Fwiw, my mum was 36 when she had me (much less common back then) - I knew she was older than my friends parents, but if anything I loved to hear about all her adventures before I was born. Everything is a trade off - don’t sell yourself short for doing it your own way. You bring a lot to the table from the extra experiences you’ve had.
I know where you’re coming from but we can only make the best decisions we can with what we know at the time. You’ve said yourself that you weren’t ready when you were younger and I think that really is the main thing here. There are pros and cons to being an older or younger parent and no one right option. If you weren’t the mother you are now you might not have that relationship with your daughter or future grandchildren anyway. You’d be a different person and a different mother without that feeling of readiness, without that extra time to heal and grow. And most importantly, if you’d had a child 10 years ago it wouldn’t be your child that you have right now. I’m sure most mothers would want more time with their children whether they had them at 20 or 40. There’ll never be enough time with our children but you can make the most of the time you do have and make an effort to look after yourself so you can be healthy and active for as long as possible.
My mom was 30 when she had me and 38 when she had my brother. I just had my first at 31 six weeks ago. So that makes my parents 61 and 63 as grandparents. Many of their friends became grandparents earlier (mid-50s) but I have no doubt my parents will be effective grandparents for my little one. Plus they were amazing parents. My parents were considered the “older parents” when my brother was in school, as his friends parents were definitely younger than mine, but it also made my parents some of the best ones because they already went through so much life. If all goes according to plan my parents will be 64 and 66 when I have my second (if I have my second).
My mom had me around 43. Her age has never been a problem so far. Better to be a wise and healed mother, rather than a young mom in survival mode who resents not having the time to heal.
I had my first in November and me and my partner are both 38. We starting trying when we were ready and have no regrets.
I've just had my first at 32, I only met the man I feel I was supposed to have children with at 30, and truthfully I wouldn't have it any other way! Every journey is personal, and if you weren't ready before, you weren't ready. There's no right age/time :)
I feel like I’m too old for this pregnancy, I’ll be 35 when I give birth. I had my daughter when I was 21 and it was perfect, I’m going to be 39 when she’s an adult, I had my whole life ahead of me and I’d be a young grandparent if she decided to have kids. I’m incredibly depressed about being over 50 when this kid is an adult and how many things I’ll miss because I’ll be so old. My husband is 41 so it’s even worst ☹️
Lol what makes u think u won’t be an effective grandma at 70? Don’t write ur self off lol bt lots of grandparents these days aren’t “effective” grandparents cuz these folks are out here in there 60s still in the streets lol so 70 is so young! :) I’m ur age, just turned 34 in November 2024 with a 3yr old born in sep. 2021, I ain’t got any rush for baby #2 bt I’ll prolly be older than u are when I want one. lol bt I’m not even giving myself anxiety abt the what ifs or old age & grandparents cuz even if u started having kids at 23 ur not “guaranteed” the “effective” grandparents or hitting milestones with ur little one cuz no one knows for certain what our future looks like no matter how much we plan. There is not such as being late or early, everything happens when it’s supposed to happen X
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All I can say is you won't be alone! More than half of UK women haven't had kids before they're 30. I wish I'd started sooner but as the saying goes "the best day to plant a tree was yesterday, the second best is today". So take what you've got and enjoy it rather than worrying or regretting!
@Jasmin ‘cuz these folks in their 60s are out here in the streets’ LOLLL 😂
There's never a right time and you never know what will happen in life so all we can do is make the most of what we have and be present in the here and now? I'm having mine at same age as you and definitely don't class myself as a young mum but so glad I didn't have children before (would have been with an ex). I feel very fortunate to have children in the first place. 😊❤️