Need some advice

I think you need to just lay it down to her and it might hurt her to be honest but also, what if you go over your due date? It might be even less than an 8 weeks old. I would put it simply. Either she plans it later and it's better for everyone and safer. Or she will chance that you may not be able to make it. Current guidelines I've heard are no more than 2 hours driving under 3 months old. And that's with breaks. You could also ask your midwife for guidance here.

Sorry that you’re essentially feeling like you’re having to pick.

I’d again be really honest with your mum about how you’re feeling and raise your concerns regardless as to what arguement this may or not cause. Your mum can make the decision she wants to then. Your baby is coming regardless and I’d guess her wedding is more flexible.

I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. I think you’re being a good mum trying to put the wellbeing of your baby and yourself first. Your mum should also be considering this and not be putting pressure/stress on you.

I’m due 20th July and have a few events scheduled in the summer and I’ve been honest with them that I no idea how my mind and body will react to being a parent so can’t commit.

xx

I’ve just said the above to her - almost the exact same words - and the response I got was just ‘cheers’ 🙃😭

I honestly would not waste any sleep on it (and if you’re anything like me you’re probably loosing sleep anyway so don’t need this on top!). This is the one time in your life you need to put the health and wellbeing of you both first xx

she will come round!

or she may not! People can be very stubborn and selfish, even adult mums. That’s where clearly stated boundaries are important. Rachel you and your new baby will have new parent & newborn needs and it’s ok to prioritise those over events planned by family members who do have choice. Does mum have a tendency to put her needs ahead of your own or is this unusual? If it’s a pattern, it will continue just with differing events etc. Setting boundaries now is a good start.

I think I would be thinking the same as you, 3 hours is a lot, especially when you have no idea how you and baby will be at that point. And with all the feeds, nappy changes and giving baby a break from the car, it'll take even longer 🥲
Is there an option to drive halfway with regular stops and have a day/night to yourselves before continuing the next day?

It's a tough decision, but ultimately, you have to do what's best for you and baby, regardless of upsetting others xx

The other thing that I thing needs to considered here..... if baby is late, they may not have had their vaccines yet. Exposing baby to a large crowd like that with no immune system and no vaccines could potentially cause them illness.... x

I was just going to mention vaccines, baby may not have had any and would you really want to risk having them around a large group of people like that and risk illness. Absolutely not worth it but another leg to your argument. You're dead right to put you and baby first, if she can't see that well thats her problem

I’ve already considered this also. It’s going to be a ‘small intimate wedding’ in theory. But then surely you don’t want your daughter to not be able to attend because of distance… for context: my mum lives half an hour away from me, but they have second properties in North Wales which where they want to get married and ultimately retire to.

My sister is backing me, and my dad (separated from my mum) also understands my concerns - not that he can/should get involved with this.

If your mum won’t listen to your concerns, then it’s her problem if you decide not to go at the time. Don’t put yourself out if she’s not taking you and your baby into consideration. The last thing you want to be doing with a newborn is putting unnecessary pressure and stress on yourself.

I didn’t take my first on a drive longer than an hour until she was 7 months as the thought stressed me out to much.

You never know, you might be fine by then, but also, if you end up with a c section, you’d still be recovering etc etc.

If she books it for September just prepare her for the fact that you might not be there.

Be honest with her but, to be honest, you’ll hopefully be settled and probably want to go by then!

I did a 2 hour journey with a 9 week old and we just had plenty of stops and I sat in the back with her.

My only concern would be germs but I probably would avoid any really crowded areas and use a carrier so that people don’t assume they can hold your baby!

It will take a lot of organisation so just be upfront and say that you’ll try your best to be there but it’s hard to know with the circumstances!