Venting- work and being a FTM
I've always struggled with work. It's not the fact that I don't want to work, I do- but I feel like every minute I spend at work is throwing my life away for pennies that couldn't even afford a place to live. I've always gotten stuck with low paying jobs, and because I seem *different* to others, I never get promoted. There's always a sense of being talked down to.
Work stresses me out. I don't like being watched my entire shift, and I'm tired of being told I'm doing things wrong when I've received little to no training, so I've tried figuring everything out myself.
Work stresses me out so much that I've developed IBS so painful, worse than childbirth pains. It makes it to where I literally cannot go to a job because I'll be in and out of the bathroom constantly, sweating in pain. Also, fear of having an accident during work or on the walk to work (I don't have a car).
Because of all this, I've had a bad history of job hopping and it's out me into such a deep depression of feeling useless and like a waste. I've felt like my family and relationships only care about me if I have a job.
I have an amazing boyfriend of 4.5 years who has stuck with me despite my horrible work history. Right now we're in an apartment where he works while I stay home with our baby (5 months old) and take care of the animals and home. In July we're moving back to Michigan and we're either getting an apartment where his mom will babysit our baby, or moving in- where she will still babysit the baby.
I'm expected to get and maintain a job. I know that's not asking much of me, but considering everything, it feels so impossible and it feels like I'm inevitably going to fail. Especially now because I won't get to see my baby all the time anymore. Its going to kill me being away from her, which I know is a normal thing most moms go through. But I genuinely don't think I can handle it. And I know my partner already works full time and doesn't get to see his baby that often, and I feel horrible about it. I just feel completely lost and alone
Unfortunately, going to work isn't optional for most people these days, and it isn't fair to lay all of the responsibility on your partner. I think most parents find FT work a grind day in day out, but that's life I'm afraid! I think organisation is key, as well as finding a job you actually enjoy and care about!