Am I wrong?!

So my husband and I are separated due to DV… My daughter witnessed it all. She is now not comfortable staying over at his place and he says I should just force her to stay with him. She is 9, but a smart kid. Am I wrong for respecting her wishes? Whenever I ask her why she just says she is not comfortable staying with him yet. I am not sure if what she saw has anything to due with it…. But he now blames me for enabling her to make that choice and not making it for her. A little insight? I am not looking for anyone to pick my side but to know if I am doing this wrong and because of her age I should just force her regardless of how uncomfortable she feels? ***edit to add** In case it is important, my daughter is autistic, has ADHD and generalized anxiety. He typically does not even respect certain things she does not like done to her.

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If she hadn’t witnessed him hurt you and had no real reason to not want to go then I would say, yes make her go but under this circumstances, I would respect her wishes.

He also yelled at her like very close to her face and at me. It was a mess. I have made her spend a few hours at a time with him, like they have gone to places to have fun alone and she has fun and thats it but becomes uneasy when I ask her if she would like to spend the night with him.

I think you are doing the right thing. She will let you know when she is ready

I say to respect her wishes. She witnessed something that did not sit right with her, and it will either take her some time to feel comfortable around him again, if ever. She is setting boundaries and telling you how she feels. Her father should respect her wishes as well, even if he doesn't like it. He should work on trying to mend the relationship he has with her instead of just expecting everything to be fine and normal.

No you are not wrong. He sounds abusive. Your daughter is voicing to you that she is not comfortable around him. I would not take that lightly at all. He is wrong to say to “force her” Don’t listen to this man. Listen to yourself on what you think is right. You know that you did not enable her to make that decision, she did that all on her own. Don’t let this man manipulate you.

He should have considered that when he mentally/physically abused you in front of her. Don’t force her,that could further traumatize her. Good job mamas for protecting her feelings and wishes.!