Rant!

Why is it okay for me to constantly allow my bd access when he just refuses to help financially and pick and chooses when to be a dad. He’s on child support but hasn’t been working for months but his boss is still paying him but directly instead of through his job but I can’t prove it. I asked him to provide his own things for our 3 kids one is 7 months so requires formulas and nappies and he said yes but I told him I’m not handing kids over til I know they have what they need (last time I did he called the police on me and said I just dropped them off with nothing and ran off, pleaded I neglected them to go party). Because of this He went and told everyone I wasn’t letting him see the kids and I was being petty. I asked him to help me 50/50 with our kids clothes they needed and uniforms he straight out said no. Even when we were together I paid for all our kids need and even our household bills. Now that I’m asking for financial help he’s telling everyone all I care about is money. I’m so drained physically and mentally. We are also going through court, I’m trying to get custody of the kids. He told them I do drugs and that I’m unstable. Told the courts I was more then happy to do frequent drug test cause it wasn’t true. He also texted me a few days ago telling me to hand over custody of our kids because I wasn’t all there and needed therapy, I proceeded to tell him about all the silent labour that comes with being a full time parent not just gaming with them. Then in court yesterday they asked if he could have visitation at his house and he said no because he only has 1 bedroom in the house. I’ve been ignoring his messages the last couple of days and he’s been asking to take the kids but I just don’t want him too. Because I feel like it’s so unfair he can pick and choose what days he has them and what parts of parenthood he gets but now he’s messaging my family with sob stories about our kids, and now I have my family being sneaky asking if they can pick up my kids for pizza or to go to the park or for the night. Found out through my sister they all planned too give them to my bd and his house isn’t safe, past incidents of his family hitting my children and stealing there things so I’m so mad and feel betrayed by people I thought i could trust. Now that I’m refusing access everyones telling me I’m bitter and need to think about the kids and that they need there dad.
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Don’t listen to Them . ATP no matter what you do they are gonna find a reason to say you’re wrong. So just do what you want and 🖕🏼 em . You know what’s best for your kids . If you feel the need to explain anything to them a simple “don’t speak on what you don’t know traitor “ will suffice

Don’t pay attention to what others have to say. I love hearing the bits and pieces of my villain story. Have no problem being the villain for your children but also make sure you are making that aren’t purely emotion based. I understand the frustration of dad’s ability to pick and choose when they get to show up. If you do agree for the kids to visit I would ensure you text him that he agreed to watch the kids whatever days and that he will responsible for having everything the kids need. That’s messed up of the family members to plan that behind your back. I wouldn’t let them take the kids.

What a spiteful asshole! I’d screenshot everything he says and the fact he thinks he doesn’t need to pay for his children then when people have something to say show it to them! He’s playing the victim when he’s not being a proper father

@Sam took me a while to realise but he would call me with things he knew could be held against him if it was in text. He had help from his sister for these things. I spent 12 years with this man and only over the last 1 and a half years realised the tactics he was using. So now I don’t answer phone calls and just don’t respond to any texts at all. When it comes to our texts I’ve never said anything bad parent wise. But towards him as a person I have been aggressive and angry.

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