MIL

My MIL wants to come round every week and it's now getting too much. I am trying to get in a routine, I have the HV coming round and I don't want them coming every week. I told my boyfriend I'm going through my hormones change, crying etc and just want to rest, he gets all defensive and starts saying I hate his family. I've had them coming round to see me and my baby since she was in the SCBU and sometimes wanted to come twice a week taking our time away from my baby. My boyfriend also works from home so he comes downstairs for 2 hours to chat to them while his supposed to be working! We just can't get anything done. I told my boyfriend to say to them back off abit as I need rest and don't want them hoovering around all the time. Does anyone else's boyfriend act like this?
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Absolutely not. If your boyfriend wants to see them, then he can make time for them ON HIS OWN. If you are tired, and bub is needing to nap etc then you are not obligated to see ANYONE. and if they want to see bub it has to be on YOUR timetable and routine babe. I have struggled with this, and i would delay naps cause i had in laws coming over but like no, they can can when i say it’s okay for them to come to MY house

Men seem to get very defensive when it comes to their family. It’s a shame they can’t prioritise their own little family over other people’s feelings. Something I’ve been battling with x

I totally get where you're coming from! I'm just thinking could you just flip this situation and use it to your advantage? Use the opportunity to go out for a bit (shop, gym, swim whatever!) or even just go rest upstairs and watch TV for a couple hours? It might not be the ideal scenario but if it's only once a week (although I know that feels like alot) but just save some things for you to do on that day? Also, as a bonus, MIL might get fed up of looking after LO and then stop offering to come everyweek anyway!

Can they do bi weekly?

@Brooke yeah exactly. I've never stopped him seeing his parents but he flips it into me stating I never let him see his parents just cos I don't want too. I have never said no he can't. She keeps putting dates to put in our diarys for like in a month etc to go to her house for family meals 🙄 I don't even know what I'm doing next week. Let alone, next month. I want to have my baby who was premature in a routine. It makes me and my partner argue and drives me mad. I'm scared it's ruining our relationship 😔

Awwh bless you 😞 How long postpartum are you? Postpartum and early days of motherhood is such a tough time! I think you need to try and explain this to your partner. Your mental health and your needs are absolutely crucial right now. Try and find some articles that back up what you're saying to try and help him understand. I think talking to MIL about it might be helpful to. She SHOULD understand that you need your space at the minute and hopefully she'll back off a little Definitely try and set your boundaries now, it's harder to do it once you've catered to their needs for so long! ❤️

@Hayley yes exactly, men just don't understand either. They 100% need to priorise their own family, they are grown men now, which is what the MIL need to understand.

@Grace I could but she doesn't help out, I have a dog too and she's never offered to walk him or anything, she's only interested in the newborn baby.

@Maddie I'm 13 weeks PP now, had my first period last week. Yeah I know, he brought me flowers last night to cheer me up but it's his MIL that is always arranging this that and the other. Just drives you mad lol. I just don't want to be seeing my her every week, I have my own mum to see. Thank you for your advice, so kind 💕

Awwh thats very lovely of him 💐 I completely understand how you're feeling! My MIL was very absent in our life before we had a baby.. suddenly our daughter was born and now she wants to be here every single week! 😳 it's kind of nice.. but it's also unnatural because it's not the relationship we are used to. I never set any boundaries when I had the chance and now 3 years on.. she still visits every week! I also have my mum visit every week and my husbands grandparents too.. It makes me feel very tied to the house! And quite like your comment to Grace.. they're no help to me either, I spend my entire week doing housework, cleaning up before people visit and then cleaning up after they visit. It's physically and mentally draining! I'd definitely recommend setting your boundaries now to protect your peace and sanity later down the line ❤️

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