In laws

😭😂going exactly through this the only thing is he does not like his mom very much which means she is not over all the time. The last few visits have been just showing up without letting us know I definitely told her she has to call so i can shower ahead.. she got defensive and i also told hubby about it and he backed me up.. u need to talk to your partner. I have my mom over probably 2-3 times a week because she is my mom and i am comfortable with being without pants around the house but im not that comfortable with his mom. Is not the same so cant really go tit for tat

@Noelle exactly how I feel it’s so different as the mother than the father. He has no idea what I’m trying to say and just got so defensive saying me going to my moms house is the same as going to his sisters house like that doesn’t even make sense. I hate that he doesn’t understand what I’m saying and how I feel I want a partner to stand up for me and listen to me I just have so much anxiety it’s like eating me alive.

I absolutely know how you feel, I’m just lucky enough that my in-laws live 8 hours away (for this exact reason lol). Tell your partner how you feel! It isn’t your job to manage his family. You’re not overreacting

@Angelica Currao im sorry mama yes it seems like he dont understand.. your mama will be there for you and baby meanwhile his mom would probably just be there for baby at this time you need someone to be there for you as well. Hate that tit for tat situation 😢

Yeah exactly like I’m fresh pp and I just feel like what I say should go? I feel like I can’t say no to someone wanting to hold my baby and I shouldn’t feel that way if I don’t want anyone holding my baby that should be fine

My in laws don’t wash their hands either. Last weekend when they came, I had hand sanitizer out and said “here’s hand sanitizer if anyone wants to hold him”. Which you would think is common sense especially with a newborn and all the germs going around 🙄.

@Kendra 100% agree! My in laws are 12 hours away. They came when he was 2 weeks and stayed for 5 days. My MIL wouldn't set the baby down & said she'd hold him so I could do house chores.... while I was still bleeding and recovering from a traumatic labor and delivery and with a 2nd degree tear. All she did was hold him & then I stayed up for hours snuggling him when they left for their hotel because I felt like I was missing out on bonding time. I told my husband he needs to set boundaries and put his foot down next visit. Pp is already hard enough and I rarely held my baby those 5 days. She was the opposite of helpful.

Him saying they barely are here and live an hour away is supposed to make me let them do whatever they want. They’ve been here every weekend since she was born except the past two weekends bc they were busy or they would. If they want to see the baby they can come over but don’t have to hold her. I honestly regret letting anyone hold her so early on bc now they just feel entitled and comfortable

@Kay exact same thing here! Lucky enough for me they came later so I was fully healed but I only saw my baby overnight for about 5 days. My partner understands. Makes me extra grateful for my mom who is SO amazing and the opposite!

I'm sorry this is your experience. I suggest speaking up for yourself. I told my partner that no one can hold baby or be in baby face until she has her shots... so 3 months. No visits from anyone, except my mom... who received the whooping cough and rsv vaccine! He has suggested more than once to have his parents over and i respond with, they can't hold her and they need a mask. To which they don't like. I would open the door with baby in hand and say, awee we are going to rest. Maybe you guys can come back another time. (My home, my baby, my rules!) I am very forward and say things in a respectful manner. But everyone knows i mean business when i speak!

He’s literally saying if his family can’t come over mine can’t and they can’t hold her if his family can’t. Like it’s so different as a mother then for him why am I trying to explain and he doesn’t understand it doesn’t feel right to me

Speak directly to them when they show up. You can work with your partner in trying to understand so you two can be on the same page. And You carried and pushed your baby out. There will be some things you decide bc your the mothert!

@Jade he basically said I would cause a fight and divide with them.. his sister is just a big personality but like so am I and she’s just not someone I like to be around. He stays defending her bc she basically raised him and does a lot for him but that doesn’t give her the right to my baby. I hate he doesn’t see eye to eye and i feel lost, confused, and upset about this whole situation

Same exact problem. Tonight they showed up without warning us both they were on their way. I didn’t have a shirt on just a bra. And they let themselves in (we have a code door) which made the dog go crazy. And she just walked up to me and goes there’s my little guy and pretty much takes him from me. I’m like 😑 and then sits down in the arm chair and has him sleeping on her chest, won’t stop kissing his head. Which I asked them not to do. “I can’t resist, he’s so cute when he’s sleeping, our little guy” She keeps referring to him as our little guy, to me: like he’s her and her husbands kid that I’m taking care of. Like if you said our grandson, completely fine. 4 nights before this she almost dropped him 3 different times because she was paying attention to the dog, or trying to catch his binky, or just outright took her hand off him. I’m so uncomfortable with them with him. Grandpa won’t hold him, idk if that’s better or worse.

That sucks that he is not 100 on your side. This is you'll baby and you have to do whats best for your child. They can introduce all kids of germs and viruses by not washing their hands and breathing in your baby face. No one should not enter youll house and not speak and show up unannounced. Maybe setting ground rules. You also are allowed time just to be with your family and not extra ppl.

@Alexis omgg yes I would feel so uncomfortable. Like being a mother especially to a newborn the anxiety is so high you literally can’t do anything without feeling so stressed out when someone else is holding your baby. Like where is the respect to the mother who just carried and birth the baby and freshly pp. it makes me so upset people actually feel so entitled and comfortable with a baby that’s not theirs.

Have you got a carrier? And do you know when they are coming? If so you can put her in the carrier when they are on the way and only take her out when you are ready putting the control back in your hands.

Having said this I’m having anxiety over your post for the exact same reason, I could have written the same post. I’ve resigned to thinking my husband will never get it so have to do things that make me feel comfortable rather than making him try see. Also I’ve put some sanitiser at the door and making people use it when they walk in the door! Hoping it gets easier for us both!!!

At least wash hands before holding the baby. Common sense!

@Chanel RIGHT?! my in laws just walk in and tell me they’re ready for the baby. 😑 I mean. They’re on the older side but come on. She looked at me like I was crazy when I asked her to wash her hands the first day they were here and please to not kiss him as we’re suppose to treat him like a 4week old (preemie) She did it the first two days. Then told me “you do know he’s 3 months old right?” Like I wasn’t the one cut open the day he arrived. And then stopped, and started kissing him too 👌🏻 Luckily they left this morning. Sesh.

@MJ I’ve thought about doing this but the way they want to just hold my baby the whole time I feel like I’m messing up their time w the baby. Like why can’t anybody understand you can see the baby without holding the baby. I remember bottle feeding the baby one time and they came over to me like wanting to take my baby out my hands and I didn’t acknowledge so she sat down. Like if I want you to hold my baby I will let you however if the mother is feeding her baby you let her.

@Alexis that would be so hard having in laws sleepover omg. I’m trying to think mine are only here for about 2-3 hours so trying to calm down more about it but for those hours my anxiety is so bad. Especially his sister brings her kids that’s are 9 and 11 and just be rough housing, all up in the baby’s face touching all her things like it’s stresses me out so bad