Is it okay for your husband to slam things (doors; objects on the counter tops; etc) and swear loudly when frustrated/angry?
Show your support
I have bpd and pmdd (recently developed in 2023 when my cycle returned) so I’m actually the one guilty of this. But eventually it came to head and I had to tell myself it had to stop otherwise I’d have to add abuser to my personality list. That’s what it is abuse whether we want to admit to ourselves or not. And no it didn’t stop over night. I still rage out every while. But I’m well aware it’s abusive at a certain point.
Is he really a great partner and father if he is getting loud and belligerent when he’s angry? You’re not over reacting. He just wants you to think that so he can continue to behave like a teenage boy with anger issues. One thing I don’t tolerate in anyone, especially men is angry outbursts that make you scared. Men are commonly physically superior… anger paired with that is a recipe for disaster. If it’s scary for you, it’s scary for your child(ren). If he’s angry he needs to step outside and take a minute.
Would he or does he do this at work? Would he behave this way if he were frustrated with his boss? Just food for thought
@Queen thank you for your honesty🙏Awesome that you can at least acknowledge it and get help
It was a long road as someone who survived and was actively surviving abuse. I never thought I would ever have to face myself in that way but the honest truth is much like csa we have a moment where we can turn into our abusers or not
@Mariah thank you for this honest response. I know we’re all human and none of us are perfect. I’m really trying to see his side too, but without compromising my beliefs and truth. Thanks girl.
Absolutely not. He needs an outlet. When me or him or agitated or stressed or just feeling antsy in life with no apparent reason, we have outlets. He can swing his golf club as hard as he wants, at the golf course. He can whip the fishing line out as far as he wants, when going fishing. He can throw and hook the ball as far and hard as he wants, when he goes bowling. Men, and women, need OUTLETS. Why do you think smash rooms are popular for a reason. You pay to go in and smash a bunch of plates 😂 does he play sports? Get him to do something, anything, that’ll release his built up frustration and annoyance. Hubby has NEVER ever in 19yrs slammed or threw things but then again we never have arguments that heavy that promote that kind of reaction anyway. Me, I have dance, I go and dance all my stress and worry away and just focus on the music. Other times I go do a massage or facial or nails or have a couple cocktails w gfs that’s my outlet. Recommend him go and do a hobby
I'd have him go to a rage room every now and then or have him be mad outside so the kids don't see it. Also, he might need therapy or anger management
He needs to work on his emotional regulation skills and his anger management. It sounds like he is working on it, but, he's not all the way there yet and he needs to KEEP working on it
Definitely not ok. Especially in front of your kids. They learn emotional regulation from you. Him learning better skills and practicing them in front of your kids would be great for them. He can take a deep breath, count out loud and say "I'm so frustrated right now "