Absent grandparents

I honestly found this with not only grandparents but people and friends in general. Everyone gets so excited and involved with the pregnancy, baby shower and when they're a newborn. But as they become older and you have to actually do stuff with them and not just hold a cute sleeping baby, nobody is interested

@Francesca I agree, I haven’t heard from some of my “best” friends in months, and even when a conversation did eventually happen it was because I’d messaged first and tried to arrange plans to see them. Truthfully, I don’t care about them, they’ve proven how much they care and shown their true colours, but as for my parents those are who I care most about and am more disappointed for my child.

My mum is exactly the same as you've mentioned in the post. Literally couldn't do enough for me while I was pregnant. Round every weekend helping us to get rid of stuff/set new stuff up/prepare baby's room etc. Now my little one is 6 months old and my mum's visited maybe 6-7 times? Held her only 3 times for less than 10mins each time because "she's fussing" yeah, babies do that🙃 My dad and stepmum have been absolutely fantastic though. They'd be round every weekend if they could lol constantly checking in. Asking if we need anything etc Also for context, my mum lives 30 minutes away and my dad/stepmum live 3 hours drive away so there's no excuse

@Steffi it’s incredibly deflating isn’t it, when all you’ve been looking forward to is watching your parents turn into loving, doting grandparents. That’s really lovely that you have your dad and stepmum though, we don’t have my partner’s parents so these are the only grandparents my child has around I want nothing more than for them to be an integral part of their life.

Not my parents but my in-laws, yes.

OK... I wouldn't say they are completely absent. They are there when you want to see them, perhaps they want to give you the freedom to come instead of pushing themselves in. Their doors remain open, though. An absent grandparent would not see them even when you chase them. If you are not happy, tell them what you would like from them and see if they can accommodate.

@𝔾𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕖 ok… I don’t believe you have a right to TELL me what the situation is, I’M living it and have given a very brief overview of what it is like. How do you know I haven’t had the discussion with them about it? This was merely a question asked to gauge if there are any others in the same boat.

You ask, people tell. And comments that don't agree with you can give you some perspective.

@𝔾𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕖 I think you’ll find I asked if anyone else has experienced the same, NOT asking for opinions on my own situation from someone completely unaware and uninvolved. Jheeze you really must have too much time on your hands to be telling people on the internet what things are and what they aren’t. Have a nice day.

Got enough fun using the block unblock button?

@𝔾𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕖 😂😂😂 wow what a loser

You unblocked me again?... OK

Don't let you daughter have an absent mother as well. Go, go.

@𝔾𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕖 are you still here?

Can you please block me again?

My parents live in a different country and make efforts to come visit, my siblings as well. They spend their hard earned money staying in a hotel and taking us out on fun days once or twice a year since LO was born... His grandparents on his dad's side, live 20 minutes away. Last week my partner was away on a trip for work, I got food poisoning and it was coming out both ends and I had the 15m old home with me by myself. Did i call them? No. No point. I know they wouldn't have come. We aren't unfriendly at all, they're just not into it. I heard someplace that the grandparents that are involved, loved being parents and are excited to have another chance. And the grandparents who aren't involved, didn't enjoy being parents. It's a constant source of unhappiness for us, especially my partner. No one asked them if they wanted grandbabies, sure, but he's 15m old and they've had him alone, by themselves twice.

My in-laws - recently asked us when we were going to have another (we aren't, we are one and done) but only ever see our son if we drive him to their house and have done absolutely nothing to support or help out at all. They happily drive long distances to visit other distant family members or to go to other events, but when it comes to us we don't seem to be a priority

We asked them recently to have him overnight next year when he'll be 2 and a bit, so we can go to London (we live 2-3hrs away) and see a comedy show. They said no. They used to buy him a cute outfit here and there when he was 6-12m but that's stopped as well. We asked them to keep some toddler plates and cups at theirs so if we stopped by for lunch it was less to take with us.. they pulled a face. But they SAY they love him and want to spend time with him but if we ask there's always a exscuse

Yep, too be honest non of my family have really been that bothered about seeing my daughter. She has basically no relationship with my mom, she never visits, my daughter barely knows her. No village here, definitely disappointing

My parents don't see my baby that often, but she's also their 7th grandchild and I'm one of four kids, as well as they take care of my grandma, my dad's mom. As my mom has said, the squeaky wheel gets the attention when there are so many kids and grandkids to see and right now that's my grandma with all of her health problems. I'm not upset about it though. We do see each other at church on Sunday when we make it there. My in-laws on the hand, we see them several times a week. My baby is their first biological grandchild and they are obsessed.

My family spoils my son but his father's side is distant. I think that has to do with the type of relationship my son's father has with his family. I on the other hand am really close to my family and this is the first grandchild for my parents, while my son's father's side has a lot of grandkids already. I don't dwell on it because I know my family picks up 110% so I don't feel my son is lacking any love in that department.

Ugh I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. My parents are extremely involved. We see them every single day my mom and dad are both obsessed with my son he’s also 14 months old my mother in law on the other hand couldn’t give a fuck less and it’s really disheartening. It makes me so angry.

You need an open discussion with them and tell them how you feel. They maybe trying to not interfere. You need to know the view points.

Maybe they've got used to invites so don't feel they have to ask? My dad never asks but is always enthusiastic. I know some people have said they're less interesting after newborn stage but I think they're not so interesting to some people until they start interacting/talking more. Like my husband had zero interest in our nephews(obviously he didn't make that obvious lol) until they were talking and playing more because he just didn't get anything out of it. And my MIL waits for us to plan because she doesn't want to overstep even though she's welcome here any time. I would speak with them about it if it's bothering you but from the rest of your description it sounds like they do care, or want to care! I'm not surprised about the lack of offers for days out/sleepovers as yours is still quite young, nothing wrong with nights away but some grandparents aren't up to that challenge! You're fed up of being the one who's always asking and that's totally reasonable, I imagine they have no clue you feel this way.