Christening
Show your support
My mum, brothers and I have all been christened so has my partner and mine of us are religious or believe in anything. We were talking about getting our little one christened because we are and to make it so we all are. The hair and nail thing is a bit weird tbh I’m not sure if il’d like that either. Could you compromise and have it done where you live so everyone can attend? It is a little manipulative the way he is wording it and acting. It does seem very important to him but shouldn’t go about it this way. Is there a reason you don’t want him christened other than you are not religious or is it just the getting christened abroad?
I don't think he's gaslighting at all and honestly can't see the harm in doing it when it's it's just a choice between doing or not doing it (rather than choosing between 2 religions/cultural practices). If his family live in a different country and have different cultural rites of passage I think it's extra important to incorporate them when they're not in the same country as baby all the time, it's a part of your partner, his story, his upbringing. If it's that it's really important to his family but not yours then I don't understand why it would be a big deal to do it in his family's home country? Your family can always do some sort of non religious naming ceremony if they feel they're missing out on an event to welcome baby into the family. The clippings thing is strange though, I would be seeking a compromise and excluding that bit
Agree with Adele. If it's not important to you but is to your partner. Why not let him have this, with his family, which your child is a part of.
My partner and all his family are catholic, his mum goes to mass every Sunday, and they all go at Easter, Christmas etc. However I’m an atheist and none of them have ever put any pressure on us to baptise either of our children. I have told my partner that when they’re old enough they can make that choice for themselves. My eldest goes to a religious primary school (not catholic) so she’s still being taught about various faiths and if she comes home and asks to be christened/baptised then I’d let her xx
@Modupe I 100% agree and told I’m not the only one thinking so, feel like I’m going insane thinking about it 🙈 He says the nail clippings and hair is cut by the priest and given back to us but then I don’t see the point? My MIL caught me clipping his nails with nail clippers and said I shouldn’t until he’s been christened…? I just don’t understand it. They’ve also said it will be some part will be spoken in the ancient language so even “they won’t be able to understand it” which i don’t believe, and I won’t be able to know for sure as I don’t speak that language. He has just stated again today I’m disrespecting his culture, being selfish and inconsiderate.
@Demi mainly because it’s abroad and the ceremony is in a language myself and none of my family speak. I’m not christened myself so therefore don’t have an interest in doing so. Only 3 members of my family would be able to attend and that’s on the basis they have money to fly out and have a holiday in one.
Could you not do it where you live as a compromise as its so important to him?
@Demi I have said if it was in England where we live I’d be more open to doing so but apparently there are no churches near us where it can be held…which makes me think it’s just an excuse for it to be in a different country.
@Coadie I 100% agree with this! I’d much prefer to let my son decide himself rather than me feeling the pressure to do so from my partners family. His parents have already spoken to the priest and got “information” regarding it. I just think that he wants to do it to please his family more than anything. He’s never spoke of a christening before or has he even bothered to share his beliefs etc. just seems so rushed and forced, which is why I’m not for it.
@Demi I suggested doing so, he then went on to say there aren’t any churches where we live for his faith, and not all of his family will be able to attend. Just like it would be if it was done in a different country, hardly any of my family could come either. So it is a matter of compromising but the way he words it and says he doesn’t ask for anything from me, he does everything and shouts all he wants is this one thing - just pushes me away from the idea of wanting to do so. When I know what he says isn’t true. He begged me for months whilst I was pregnant to name our son this specific name which I didn’t like, I gave in and said yes. I still don’t really like our son’s name so I call him by a nickname instead but it just seems like he’s overall doing it for his parents sake and I’m not saying yes to please them.
That is weird. Sounds like he is making it difficult for the sake of it. Could be his parents pushing for it over there but also no one would be taking my baby’s hair or nail cuttings. Ild research, find a church over here and then tell him that’s the compromise. Sounds like you are in s difficult situation. Hopefully he gives in to doing it in this country 🤞
Two things I see here Pressure from family and a hidden ritual with nails and hair… plus you might not know the full process. I would be offended if I am asked not to trim my baby’s nails considering how sharp they can be. It’s a difficult situation. I hope you sort it out without any issues x
Just remember that these people are your sons family. Doing something for them is doing it for your son, they're one and the same. Imagine for a minute that your son learns Chinese, goes to China, meets someone and falls in love and they have a baby. They say they're coming over for Christmas and you think fantastic! You look into a big Christmas family meal for everyone to meet baby because that's what you've done for generations. The Chinese mum says "no, we're not having Christmas dinner, tell your mum no. I don't speak English so I won't know what people are saying to baby and my Chinese family can't be there, not that we celebrate Christmas anyway... oh and eating turkey is weird." You're raising your son in your home country, around your family, speaking your family's native tongue, following your family's culture and traditions - it's probably worth considering it through this lens and what you consider a compromise vs what he has already compromised on.
@Adele I actually really appreciate your response but I can’t agree with you on that I’m afraid, nor do I really understand the example. But from what I gather, I guess if that scenario was true, I personally would never book a big family meal for everyone to meet the baby - 1. it’s not my baby and 2. I’d respect my daughter in law’s & son’s boundaries, I guess everyone is different in that aspect. I think having a christening is totally different - if we’re coming together to celebrate our son/a faith I would like both sides of our family to be there, spoken in a language EVERYONE can understand, I don’t think that’s unfair to want that at all? And funnily enough, although we don’t live with his family in the country he was partially raised in, we more so follow his culture & family traditions from afar. We speak the language to our son and plan on teaching him as he grows old and I’ll learn too alongside.
From your explanation this seems more cultural than faith based. Haven attended a couple of christening myself I haven’t seen or heard any of which hair and nail clippings were used for it?? And that is really weird. It’s usually just prayers and like water baptism in church. Secondly it’s a bit one sided that it has to be abroad where your own family can’t attend plus it’s gonna be done in a language you don’t understand and I think that’s selfish and inconsiderate. If I were you I would not allow it. It seems he’s more interested in pleasing his family and continuing in their culture. If anything atleast it should be done in the city where you both live and in a language you both understand?