Household income

Oh no no no, shared account for shared/household bills and savings for emergency expenses or future plans, and separate accounts for your own desires or bills. Especially if he doesn't spend money wisely. Also your shared bills should be split by what you earn so it's fair, not down the middle if you don't earn equally.

I love this example for how to split bills fairly:

https://www.ellevest.com/magazine/family-relationships/split-expenses

we basically make the same amount but he’s constantly saying I should be contributing more because he pays child support. So then I was thinking of what I can do to help compromise the situation. Because we’re both constantly saying it’s not fair that we pay for this or that .

So i was thinking of suggesting listing out all of our household expenses excluding our leisure . And including his child support and anything our daughter is enrolled in. I feel like if we see that total divide amongst ourselves then if it’s still too high we can cut back on subscriptions etc . He’s always saying he pays a lot for his child support while that’s not my fault and out of my control it’s still annoying when we have a daughter whom I fully fund on my own so even if I don’t directly contribute to child support I’m still funding the other child in the home . My goal is achieve transparency . I feel it’s unfair that he thinks I’m not contributing enough just because he pays high child support

And in that way I would hope we both see that we’re trying to compromise and he can’t say that he’s singled out and has no help financially when it comes to his daughter , and in that way I’m not feeling like he only contributes to his oldest and not our daughter

Child support is a bill just like if you had your own cc or car payment. And has zero to do with you. Your own personal bills don’t get to come out first before it’s decided how joint bills are split. If y’all both make around the same, y’all both contribute around the same for joint expenses. He’s trying to take advantage.

yes that’s how I feel but I don’t know how else to compromise

Why should you have to compromise and be personally financially affected? Joint bills are split, that’s it.

I’ve heard of conflicting things such as I was aware that he had this obligation when we got together so the least I can do is be mindful of that .

I have mixed feelings like I’m sympathetic to it but if I don’t see that he’s making sacrifices and then just looking at me to fill in the blanks then I don’t agree to that etc

Right…his obligation. If you already know he mismanages money, it would not be smart to combine finances. If he has the money to pay his portion of the bills but just wants to frivolously spend and you’re expected to pick up his slack, that is not fair to you. If he did not make enough to cover his responsibilities and regular living expenses, then you both should be looking at changing your circumstances (cheaper location, cutout unnecessary spending, etc). If the roles were reversed why would it be fair (unless previously discussed and agreed upon) that he pays more bills so you can provide for a child that’s not his and have fun with your money while not carrying your weight in the home you share together.

100 % agree . Thank you for the reassurance .

I struggle at times with financial boundaries within my marriage as well. I feel like women are expected to always pick up the slack, even for things that’s not our doing. I think the comprise is you both contribute equally/fairly to your shared responsibilities. But you shouldn’t have to account for his child support in that equation. If you went and got a $50,000 bag would you ask him to compromise financially to support your purchase, no.

Mind you no one should be buying no 50k bag only used for example purpose lol!

We have separate accounts and I give him a set amount at the end of the month to help with bills. I like to be in charge of my own money.

I agree I have a hard time setting that boundary . But that’s my own fault :(

do you guys split evenly ? Or based on income ?

Based on income. He takes on a little more.

do you guys review shared expenses and agree to everything on it ?

Yes I have even wrote up a spreadsheet with all our monthly expenses and divided it up color coded it and everything. We talked it through together and made a set agreement. It’s worked well for us.

thank you for sharing your experience . That’s exactly what I was considering to do as well

We have a joint account for our mortgage and separate accounts otherwise. He works FT and me PT. Currently he pays the mortgage (although I contribute to the joint account when I can) and I pay all the utilities because I am better at that kind of stuff and I am able to get us low-income discounts that he would not qualify for. Also we are not married but own a home together and have a 17-mo old. I have a college savings that I contribute to monthly for our son and he has 2 other kids that he has college accounts for. We keep our finances pretty separate because it works for us. We talk about big purchases when we need to and make budgeting plans for lean times. Our retirement savings are separate. I’ve been in too many long term relationships that I thought were going to be my last ones for me to combine my finances with anyone at this point (I am over 40)