Parenting Advice - Own Mum

To follow on, Cs dad is not in the picture, he walked out when she was 4yrs old and hasn’t bothered with her since. So that’s not an option.

I’d definitely say something and I’d be straight up and honest with my feelings towards the situation, I wouldn’t leave it until she puts your half sister down again because maybe you can prevent that from happening and it sounds like she’s already struggling. No I wouldn’t send my baby to her and maybe you can tie that in with the conversation when you raise the issue with her and say that you feel she’s has a negative impact on you and your siblings and you worry that she will also have a negative impact on your child. Honesty is the best policy and although you may have to be harsh it could be a awake up call that your mum may need

I agree with Lauren, I don’t understand why your mum is like that but it sounds like she’s set in her ways and doesn’t realise that it only brings a negative impact on the next generation. I would definitely bring up the issue as C is still very young and things COULD change with how she’s being treated, but it would be better for yourself A and B to make this change for her, growing up isn’t easy and bringing up things a child hasn’t done instead of applauding them for their achievements causes anxiety and insecurity which then lead to people pleasing. I’ve been there and had to learn on my own to set boundaries as I’m the eldest, and leaving your baby with your mum is a big no too. He’s literally a baby he will cry at everything! I’d say something like “Mum I don’t appreciate you treating C like this, she’s shared how’s she’s been feeling lately and it isn’t fair. We’ve all been through it but that doesn’t mean it should continue” next comment

“She’s a good child and doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. And I’m sorry and pls don’t take this the wrong way but I can’t leave my baby with you as I don’t want him being treated like this either, he’s a baby he’s not going to know how to regulate his emotions” now bare in mind she most likely WILL take it the wrong way bc like I said it seems she’s just set in her ways bc she’s making negative comments about her grandson too! Eventually it has to stop, I hope you’re able to find a solution for this and things get better for your half sister bc it’s not nice ☹️ hope that’s helped x

how is your mother even a childminder (no offense) last thing a child needs is someone that just puts them down constantly. this is why children end up with mental illness. Raise it with your mother, you also lived with the same kind of experiences and wouldn't want to see you kid sister suffering with issues. I wouldn't leave my child with her, my child would end up with issues.

I wouldn’t raise the issue with her, she’s set in her ways and if 4 children, being a child minder and being a grandma couldn’t change her, she’s not going to change & will probably play victim. It’s tough for C but I would let her know this is the reality of the situation and she just needs to be strong and know you and A are always there for her in any motherly way like telling her the well dones and I love yous. I would absolutely not give my child to her to look after, and I would shut down any negative statements she makes about my child or anyone in general around me. So she gets the message or keeps her distance. A lot of the older generation mothers can be pretty miserable but I think they just had lives they didn’t enjoy or marriages they felt stuck in or husbands/baby dads they resented and then take it out on the children. Sending you all lots of love ❤️

I’d say it’s quite a trait for parents who are in the teaching profession, or alike not to feel maternal as they generally see children, even their own, as work. My partners mum is a teacher and she is the same, one of my friends is a teacher and I see it in her where she talks to her children like they are part of a class rather than her children. She won’t change and hasn’t in all the years of being a parent/childminder so I would t bother bringing it up I just would t leave my child with her if the way she projects herself isn’t what you’re after, having said that you also don’t know what another childminder will be like, at least with your mum you know what you’re getting, it’s better the devil you know sometimes and who’s to say a childminder you know nothing about isn’t going to be someone more abusive? As for your younger sister just tell her you’ll always be there to talk to it’s the best thing you can do and at least she has you to turn to for advice etc.

Thank you all, I really appreciate all of your comments. I asked C if she wanted me to talk to Mum and she said no, but I have told her that if I hear her saying anything then I will tell her but won’t raise what C’s told me. My mum, A & C are all going away this weekend for Easter, so A has also said that if Mum speaks negatively to C she will also say something. It is very hard because as some of you have said, I don’t think she will change her ways, regardless of what me or A say to her. On Mothers Day, we were all out and C ended up saying to Mum “you hate me” and when Mum said “I don’t hate you, why do you think that?” C said “you always act like you hate me by the way you speak to me” and clearly that hasn’t changed anything… In terms of childcare, I am going to look at other options. It was something else I was thinking of anyway, as I think I would rather baby be around other children his age (especially as he starts to get into early toddler years) so then he knows other

babies going to nursery/school, and we have some nice nurseries around us, so this is something we will look into. Thank you all so much xx

See a child should never feel like their parent hates them, I do hope their rs gets better and there’s love even if your mum struggles to express it. Regardless of how she was brought up it doesn’t mean it should be projected onto her kids! & yess nursries/baby groups are better 💖