Do you repeat yourself often to your spouse?

You’re his wife not his mum… most men don’t listen by nature 🤣 but you shouldn’t have to “remind him of his chores”

@Paige most men don’t listen and then it becomes our problem to either do it ourselves or remind them yet again. Are there any men out that that does listen or doesn’t need reminding? I’m convinced they’re all the same and it puts me off. Probably better off single 🙃

Definitely don't need to remind him to do chores 🤔 like Paige said, I'm not his mum. Yeah sometimes I'll ask him if he can get something specific done whilst I'm out (and he does) but most days he does the dishes, cleans the floor, the garden, sorts the bins, the nappies etc

Nah mine does like 90% of the cleaning in the house and he doesn’t need asked or reminded, he just gets on with it

Yeah if he doesn’t change after one last talk I will actually leave him no cap

@Katrina I bet he’s really good at it as well. My partner will mop over dust and dirt and I have to tell him the order, vacuum first then mop to clean. Fuck me 🤣 time for one last serious chat. He needs to know I mean business. Taking the actual piss.

He doesn’t forget, it’s weaponised incompetence to get you to do it instead. My husband does the same sometimes so I’ve stopped doing certain things. I’m not the maid

@Char the word I throw around a lot is weaponised incompetence to him and he’s fully aware. I think I should I give it a whole month of not telling him and see if he actually remembers one ounce of responsibility? I think I’ll do that and we’ll have to review how the month went with our split responsibilities.

Yes do that! When you ask him to do things, don’t do it for him and see if he’ll go back and do it. That’s what I’ve started doing and for the most part it’s been working.

@Char yeah I’m done being behind him to pick up the rest of the pieces for him. I’ve quite frankly had enough. If we’re walking over mud dirt and dust today that’s what we’re doing. If we’re eating from dirty dishes today that’s what we’re doing 🤣

😂😂 love that

Serious question, was he ever taught how to do the multi-step chores you're talking about? A lot of boys/men are never shown by their mothers, whereas girls often are. I don't mean that moms send boys away and tell girls "you must keep house to get a husband", but there is lingering sexism/patriarchy in a lot of older generations so they just don't think to ask their sons to help with chores the same way they do their daughters. For example my husband has two sisters and was raised by a stay at home mom. He is super handy and knows a lot about yard work, but beyond dishes he doesn't really think about other interior chores. The first time I asked him to clean our downstairs bathroom, he cleaned the toilet and the sink. Nothing else. I went in and said oh you haven't cleaned yet. He was annoyed bc he thought he had. I showed him the 5 or 6 other things and none of them had occurred to him. We have talked about it and he's working on it. A really helpful tool for this conversation is Fair Play.

Yea they forget. I wonder if they literally see the world different. You know the joke they can’t see what’s in the fridge in front of them. I have started trying to calmly explain that hubby should do a sweep and consider the details. Ie. washing dishes also means put them away, wipe all surfaces, clean the sink trap. Throwing out garbage means checking the fridge leftovers and so on. It takes time, it’s annoying, but arguing over it will not help either. It all depends on having a man that cares to make the changes. My hubby is amazing but we all have our faults… just remember us women also have out faults.

Might be a good idea to get a whiteboard and write things that need doing down in specifics. Sadly not everyone was raised the same way or thinks the same way. I take initiative and clean when I see something needs doing, but I grew up with a SAHM who cleaned religiously everyday. My partner will let a lot of things slip, like bathroom/bedroom cleaning (he's pretty good in the kitchen) but grew up with a parent with addictions so were never skills he was pushed to learn, and I don't mean to generalise but I do think that some boys are generally more lazy with chores and it does have an effect when they grow up. Definitely have another word about it and look at getting a system in place. Be upfront about how it's making you feel.

I married an incompetent spoilt only child because his single mama did everything for him and taught him nothing. He’s still spoilt, mamas boy and only child, but he’s not incompetent anymore - I slowly taught him, he slowly learnt, and now he does absolutely everything his mum is gobsmacked when she sees him bath the baby or stack the dishwasher or standing at the stove cooking. Yep, that was all ME. He was willing to be open minded and learn. If he wants anything elaborated or second guessing anything, he asks me. If they want to, they will. If they wanna change or do things, they will. Just a matter of do they want to? I tell him once and he gets things done, I don’t have to remind him.

My husband hates cleaning. He knows full well what needs to be done, he just actively avoids doing it. I found when we clean together and listen to music then we enjoy it more and don’t avoid it. You can always do a family cleaning chart and put details on like “pots and pans from the stove”.

When he puts his mind to it yes but majority of the time he needs a little reminder😅