How do I explain to my husband that traditionally, unlike in Anglophone Western countries in my culture women don’t change their surname?

If he’s already your husband, how has the last name conversation not happened yet? That’s something he should have been made aware of the moment y’all started talking about marriage or sometime during the engagement.

Maybe this article from 22 years ago may be a helpful read for him? https://www.theguardian.com/world/2002/jul/18/gender.uk1

@Parker 又 that’s helpful thank you

Has something happened, like has someone said something to him in a way that's lead him to feel undermined or slighted that you don't want his last name and would prefer to honour your tradition? How long have you been married? If he wants you both to share a last name for convenience or for any children that you have would he consider adopting yours or at least double barrelling by joining his and yours?

@Ashleigh I want to honour my tradition but also I just think it makes things very difficult, id have to go through all the paperwork to change my surname, change my passport, mortgage, accounting, inheritance everything it’s so long I just think it’s so unnecessary. We’ve been married for almost 3 years. He also doesn’t share his income with me. It’s very much separate. He’s made it clear that what’s his is his and what’s mine is mine. Our daughter has his surname, I have my dad’s surname even though I have nothing to do with my biological dad. Its typically the dads surname for kids. I said he should consider adopting my surname but he doesn’t want to and won’t do it.

Hmm I won't lie it sounds a little more nuanced than just names. Your practicality point totally stands though. Would you consider double-barrelling your daughter's/future children's names, to reflect and honour you both? On the side of shared resources - were you married in the states or UK as different marriage laws apply. And is this financial dynamic something you are/were genuinely comfortable with? Giving up our identity name wise can be tough, and I'm not sure many men really understand that.

@Ashleigh I would consider double barreling but haven’t brought it up to my partner and not sure if he wants that as he so badly wants my surname to change to his surname. Got married in the states. I wanted to combine our finances together initially but he didn’t. He pretty much saw it as his and mine from the beginning whereas most married couples combine their finances and everything is shared. I can’t change how he views finances. I guess there’s pros and cons for either but I see no point in me having his last name.