Partner support

I am kinda in the same boat as you. I would have a full on conversation with him. Tell him kindly what you need from him. Also show him where everything is so he does not have an excuse of saying "I can not watch the baby cause I do not know where things are."

Totally feel you on the routine…my 10 week old is on a strict 1hr awake 2hr contact nap schedule and if it gets thrown slightly off she gets overtired and fussy…i keep her on schedule just fine when It’s just us home because my partner works 50hrs a week and we don’t have any problems but when he’s home and looking after her while I get stuff done around the house or run errands he seems to think the 1hr wake window is more of a suggestion and is confused when she gets fussy even after I explain to him how important it is…but I think his just being home with baby 80% of the time we naturally will be more in sync with baby’s schedule and understand their cues better…I try to have him help in other ways like doing the laundry, cleaning up, and I’ve recently started just getting her to sleep myself (as he was having trouble) and then transferring her to him to hold for a couple hours so I can have some me time.

My partner has ADHD as well so I have to remind him multiple times where certain things are but I’m naturally a very organized person and try to “foolproof” a lot of stuff. He has never asked me things like is she hungry etc because he knows I would know better than he would at this point…but I would let him know that you know your own child and understand her needs more at this point in her life. Babies are naturally more connected with mom at this stage. And our biological instincts allow us to intuitively know what baby needs…men don’t really have that in my opinion😅 they have more protector instincts instead of nurturing

Honestly I just leave my husband high and dry sometimes 😅 I like to let him figure it out so he can learn our sons cues, where things are etc. I’ve made sure to have him pretty involved with almost everything since birth since he’s still home with us. I don’t have an exact routine yet so my case is not the same, but I’m trying to push to hun finding his own way to figure out a routine so that it’s not all hell breaks loose while I’m running errands, gone etc. When he comes at me with the same questions I direct him to check or figure out how to answer his own question such as “try the paci first before thinking he’s hungry” “ probably with his other clothes “ etc. I like his involvement as I’m glad he has the willingness to learn how to care about our son instead of thinking it’s his way of criticizing me.

Another thing is If he does do something that results in our son being fussy, I explain to him as to why it is important to pay attention to wake periods or cues for that reason. He’s picked up on a lot and self learns too which leaves me less irritated with him

@Natasha I’ve tried the high and dry method a few times haha.. usually ends with “she hates me”

I think you should sit down with dad & let him know how you feel but also ask him what his thoughts are. Try to create a safe space for the conversation to avoid it turning into something bigger. I was getting extremely irritable with my husband for things very similar but when i spoke to my therapist she made me look at it through a new lens. He is trying to also learn baby & get his own routine. He doesn’t spend as much time with my LO as i do. So it takes them a little more time. Honestly i suggest the conversation & when something he does bothers you don’t jump to “i’m doing something wrong” “im not feeding her enough” etc remind yourself you are doing a good job & think what is he potentially trying to do or learn.

For the water situation for example, when i first started giving my LO baths my husband would touch the water and would express that he thought it wasn’t hot enough. but he would think that it needed to be hotter because he liked it hotter but when we put baby in water he would notice that baby liked it so he had to learn what the correct temperature was. it took some adjustment. try to remember it’s a new experience for both you and him. As per your routine i suggest maybe trying to teach him you and babies routine & incorporate sometime on the weekend for him to include something he may want in the routine as well. for example, with my LOs bedtime routine i felt like i did everything and dad just got to relax & it make be mad so i included him. he showers when he is out i jump in shower he preps baby & passes me baby. Baby & i get to do skin to skin and he gets cleaned. when baby is done dad take him & dries/lotion/dresses baby for bed time.

The plus to this is i get to shower while baby is getting ready with dad. then when im done usually baby is also ready and i breastfeed and put baby down. by including him he learns to do stuff on his own & even added his own twist to getting him dress he gives him feet tummy and back massages. try to figure out something that works for you

Honestly, it sounds like he is trying to be useful but doesn’t know how to be. I would have a conversation with him and just be Frank and tell him how you feel. He probably feels like you do it all and do it well and he wants to feel that way as well. At least that’s what I sent with the whole bathwater thing. He wants to feel like he knows what he’s doing with the baby. I know you’re probably rolling your eyes at me saying this but sometimes when we are feeling really, really, really gross it’s hard to see that other people are coming at it from a completely different perspective so I would be open to the fact that this is his perspective and not the fact that you are being a bad mom.That said, I don’t know your husband, and maybe he is being critical. Only you would know that, but a conversation is definitely warranted.