What do you do if you know you have made an awful mistake choosing life partner?

I've been with my husband for 15 years now. He's the shy type. I'm more outgoing and we tend to compliment each other very well. He chooses to not have friends, he has people who try to initiate friendship often but he's happy spending time with myself and our daughter. Which I think is a bit sad (as it's good to have friends) but his choice. Anyway - that isn't the core reason for my post. He has a temper. I have always known this. Yesterday, the cat was being a little manic and clawed his arm quite badly. He shouted and literally shook with anger. Then went storming after the cat saying he was going to kick her. I quickly opened the back door so that she could run away. His anger seems to flare up from nowhere. He has never shown anger to our daughter. Just passed her to me if she is crying or is too much for him to handle. I keep replaying the cat incident though. What if our daughter pushed him over the edge like that. I love him deeply but I feel like I owe my daughter safety at a minimum. Does anyone else have partners with anger issues like this?

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Have you spoken to him about anger management classes maybe?

Just because he showed anger in that instance doesn't mean he would do that to your daughter. But I understand your concern. However I can't help but wonder...what does him being shy have to do with this? Is he just shy or is he controlling too? Does he try to alienate you from others or make you feel bad from being different than him? That would be concerning. Also, we all lose our temper sometimes, but thankfully he didn't actually kick the cat. Do you think he would have had you not let her out? How often does he do stuff like this and has he ever made you feel like he would hurt you or your daughter before? Even if he would never physically hurt anyone, you should let him know that his anger concerns you and outbursts like that are not healthy for your daughter to witness. And he should seek to rectify it with healthy techniques.

I'd have a chat with him first and raise your concerns about it, especially if it's not normal for him. I'd see if he'd be willing to see a counsellor that specialises in anger management. Even just a few times to see if there's something underlying that he hasn't dealt with

My husband would have angry outbursts like that even if he just accidentally dropped a clean fork. We talked to his doctor and found that this can be how some people display anxiety/depression. They put him on mood stabilizers and he's leveled out (without being numb). Maybe you can have a gentle conversation with him about talking to his doctor and see if there is an underlying cause and not just "anger issues"

Well. I was with my ex for 8 years. One time, about year 6 we ended up with a kitten we took in that he found at his work. He was always an animal lover. Worked at a BMW dealership as a service tech. The cat was found in one of the vehicle engine bays and he brought it home. We named it beamer. One day, beamer pissed him off. I have no idea what it was at this point .. it's been a number of years since it happened. But regardless, he ended up so mad, he took the kitten by the neck and had him pinned to the floor. I screamed at him and make him let the kitten go. The next day, my 2 dogs who looked at that man as the "pack leader" ended up killing that kitten. Neither dog has ever shown aggression before then. So I had no doubt why they did it their pack leader initiated they saw and they followed. Anyways nothing else crazy happened in terms of safety to me or my pets for quite some time. But he had moments of anger like that. I actually got pregnant once after the kitten incident.....

It broke my heart to experience that devastating loss. But now, years later, I wonder what horrors I was spared to have not been tied to that man. We broke up about 2 years after the kitten situation and now almost 6 years ago. I met my now husband 5 years ago. I've never seen him take anger out on an animal besides "wtf, get your ass outside" type reaction. And I have 2 children with him. I've never felt concern for myself or for them in the past 5 years since we met. I'm grateful I didn't have to find out how my ex would handle something with our mutual kids, had that pregnancy panned out. However to the point someone else made above. How they react to a pet is not the same as how they'll react to a kid. Especially when it's their baby. If that's your only warning sign. I wouldn't call it quits. My ex had other issues between narcissism and, down the line, addiction that led into our separation. If this is the only red flag .. talk to him. Find appropriate outlets for his anger and let it pass.

@Sarah I second this one also, my husband gets upset over small things in relation to his anxiety and ADHD but nothing that would make me fear for our babies or pets ❤️

😲

Does he drink? My husband starts to get habitually angry when he drinks regularly

My husband is pretty much exactly like this and I honestly sometimes think the same things as you. But when I have my doubts I have to think back at why we even started dating because life used to be so good for us! But I know life happens and my husband has some past traumas (with current health issues) that I think are currently triggering anxiety and depression. I’ve been trying to get him to reach out to someone about it but he’s not willing to right now. My husbands main issue is that he’s always stressed and doesn’t know how to destress and will just blow up verbally. But when he’s not in “that rage mode” he’s a good guy!

I'd def talk to him about it. Or gently voice your concerns. I've been with my husband 6 years now and only after having our son have i seen another side of him. He get agitated easily and ive seen him get mean to our son. It's at point im not comfortable leaving him alone with him. He's thrown him before bc we were at my sisters and my son hit my sisters daughter with a toy (they were both barely 6 months old so wasn't that hard) and he grabbed him by the arm and slung him away from her instead of getting off his game to address the situation bc "he was in the middle of a fight". Has he shown anger towards you daughter before or just agitation? Bc with mine it started with agitation over the baby doing stuff and then that incident. Even now im struggling to forgive him or even staying in this relationship.

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