No Visitors Postpartum

I made the decision that I do not want visitors at the hospital or several days after I give birth. During this time, I want to prioritize my healing, bonding with baby, and adjusting to my new life with my baby’s father.
I’m getting a lot of push back from my family. They say I’m being manipulative and trying to control the family by not allowing them to come until I say it’s okay.
My mom invited herself to my birth in the first trimester and I wasn’t too bothered by it so I allowed it. But now she’s saying if her husband (my dad) can’t come, she doesn’t feeling comfortable coming either.
This actually relieves me but I’m also infuriated because once again, she’s choosing her husband over her children (as she’s done my whole life.) I don’t find most of my family comforting or bringing me peace (dad and brothers), especially when I’m postpartum so that’s why I decided I needed time with just myself, baby, and fiance. But i’m still feeling guilty in a way.
Advice?

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They should respect your wishes. It’s not manipulative to want some time to bond.
Set clear boundaries and make sure you partner supports you. The nurses can also tell anyone who is trying to come that they can’t since that’s your wish.

I understand that you feel guilty so do I since I said no visitors for the first few weeks too. My MIL specifically is giving me a hard time but my peace of mind, time to recover and bonding are more important

I think there is nothing wrong with the boundaries you've set. Very similar to what I did for my first birth. Except I didn't let my mom come for 2 weeks 😅 (she lives across the country, so I really didn't want to host anyone that soon).

My only advice would be to make sure your partner is on the same page. If he feels strongly about his close family visiting a little sooner, a compromise could be best. But it seems like the most tension is with your family, so honestly just do what you want and they'll get over it.

Your decisions for your family's health and bonding is valid and important. Great job for advocating your needs. It's a shame that your family members are reacting in such a way that is causing you to feel guilty when there is no valid reason as to why. I myself am choosing to have a few visitors in postpartum recovery room but once home I just want to focus on our bonding as well since I didn't get that with my first due to crazy snowball events.

My family has said the same and I just said I didn’t want them in the room while I birthed. I’m just not calling them until baby is born and I feel ready for visitors. Do what’s best for you.

I’m sorry they’re doing that to you. They should respect your wishes and at the same time you ought to respect your mother’s wishes. She is supposed to put her husband above her children since they are a partnership and you currently have a family. I hope they end up understanding what you need and not pressure you into something you don’t want! I’m only allowing my parents and my husbands parents to come see us for the first 30 days!

Just say okay see you later lol. Trust me you’ll be busy soon you won’t have time to care about how a shitty mother your mom was

With my first I was in the same boat and I didn't have any visitors. Of course that did result in drama esp from my MIL but it did blow over. Honestly most births are so long and stressful I 100% do not regret it. I basically told them look, we will call you over when we are ready and we did. My MIL had a big blow up when she finally saw my daughter but she never held it over my head again. My mom took it a bit easier. You're going to be so sleep deprived, needing rest, freaking out about your baby, on edge - it's really not a great time for visitors. You are very likely to blow up on them getting pushed to the limits. Not to mention risk of getting sick. Now with my second we have to have 1 over (my mom) because my babies are too close in age. So it is what it is to survive.

A Midwife once told me add 30-40 minutes to your labor for every person in the room

I didn’t even have my husband in there for half of it. Labored from 1-10 in 2 hours pushed for 15minutes

Agreed

I didn’t have anyone at the hospital thankfully. My mother showed up even though we told her we didn’t want her at my home the day we got released

She stayed 2 nights and it was fucking hell. She wasn’t helpful AT ALL

I’ll never forget it. I loved 3 hrs away too at the time. I now live around the corner from her and never see her (thankfully)

I’d say let them be offended. It’s not their baby to make that decision. I’m doing the same with this birth and told my husband I don’t want people over for at least a couple days to a week after. He was upset but I’m standing by my decision and I don’t care if it upsets anybody else. Especially cause they don’t care if they are sick or not and they will just come over either way if I don’t say something.

You aren’t denying them access to your baby forever. Just for a little bit of time while you recover which is COMPLETELY understandable! We’re doing the same thing!

I’m in the same boat, I don’t want visitors at the hospital unless we’re there for a few days. I want the first 24 hours to be bonding and enjoying it with my spouse. I’ll allow grandparents to come to our house ONCE when we get home and then I’m going to fully focus on adjusting to our new life and resting. We live about 45 minutes away from family so that might prevent them from coming unannounced. We decided to play it by ear and see how I’m feeling because sometimes getting out of the house or seeing people can help with postpartum depression. But like you said you don’t need the negativity so I’d only allow people you know who are supportive and happy for you like close friends.

I like to remind everyone that the only person who has a right to the delivery room, is the woman who is delivering the baby. AKA, you. You’re the patient and you are the gatekeeper. Ppl feel so entitled.

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