in Mom's going through divorce/separation/ breakups

Pregnant with Second Child & Scared to file for divorce Long post—

I’m currently 14 weeks pregnant with my second child from my husband. I have been severely emotionally abused and cheated on pretty much the entire 8 years. The toxic cycle has left me shattered but I never gave up on my own personal career and goals. I knew I needed a way out. My son is 17 months old and he barely knows him and makes no effort to connect with him. That’s literally the only reason I was sticking it out I didn’t want to be the one who broke up a family but it’s never been that. I left him in November packed up all my son and I’s stuff and upon visiting I indeed got pregnant. I know it’s my fault but I feel bad for making a situation worse that was already bad. Anyways I tried one last time to bear the same cycle of abuse. I ended up leaving and staying with my parents and applying for my own place to rent got approved and I would like to move forward with filing for divorce but I’m honestly petrified about thinking what I’d go through with custody. He also so has no idea I have my own place and move in a few weeks. I don’t trust to tell him where it is. My son has only seen him 2 times since March. Any advice would help. I live in Ga.

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Hugs. It's not easy going through this especially with little ones. Have you gotten a lawyer yet and gone through all your options and scenarios?

There's never a great time to file for divorce. You do it when it needs to be done, which is now. You need legal and financial freedom now that your lives are moving in different directions. Petition for full custody and see if he objects. He might not. You can use your parents address if you are not ready to disclose your new place.

I'm so proud of you for putting safety first and getting out. You are right to make sure your kids don't grow up with a toxic relationship-- that's what would keep the cycle of abuse going. You're breaking that cycle!

Please look up your local domestic abuse survivors organization and find out what resources they could help with, like assistance with childcare and legal aid. Lean on community support wherever you can--starting a healthy life is good for future of the community and people do want to help!

I also highly recommend watching videos from Crappy Childhood Fairy, they have helped a lot leaving behind toxic relationship patterns. Since it's so hard, don't be down on yourself for reconnecting and getting pregnant, but please do be careful and guard your heart!

Honestly it'll probably be easier younger on the kids and most times they Don't take young babies away from the mother too much because boobs so 🤷 Honestly divorce sucks but the sooner the better with him he sounds like a nightmare

@Janlia thank you! honestly no I haven’t gotten a lawyer yet and honestly can’t afford to atm

@Bonny as much as I know he has never been around and doesn’t care. I’m for sure he’d fight the 100% custody out of spite.

@Menna thank you!

@Jo thanks for the advice!

Either call a domestic violence shelter or hotline, or you can just go down to your local courthouse and ask for information on when they hold their low income free legal advice clinics! Just because you may not be able to pay for a lawyer outright, doesn’t mean that you can’t still get legal advice! Call around and ask if any attorneys work on a sliding scale. Join a Facebook group for divorced mothers/parents (of abusive spouses) (try all different combinations of those words!) and they’ll have good recommendations for low cost lawyers. You are protecting those babies, you go mama!!! You CAN do this mama!

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