MIL

So, my MIL is a Jehovah’s Witness and to cut it short and sweet she basically doesn’t celebrate any form of birthday, Christmas, whatever holiday you name it, she doesn’t celebrate it as part of her faith. My partner has trauma regarding this from his childhood too, it made him feel very unloved as she moved into her faith when he was 10 years old so he never had a Christmas/birthday/etc after the age of 10 in her eyes. We are having a baby girl in a few weeks time and it’s honestly started upsetting me so much recently that she won’t be involved or want to be involved for any of these big moments for our baby as my partners side of the family consists of only her, his brother and his grandfather. I worry that our girl will grow up thinking that his side of the family don’t love her or care about her the same as my side of the family will, as his brother and grandfather are pretty anti social too. My side of the family will jump at the chance to celebrate every holiday and birthday with our baby which is why I find it so difficult to accept that she won’t be there for any of these moments. Am I being ridiculous and overthinking things? 🙈

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My daughter also has 1 side of the family, her father's. When she gets older assure her they love her the same but don't have the same privileges. Though this may not be the case, I'd use it as a teaching moment. That some are less unfortunate than us. But I do have to say, if the MIL refuses to just show up for moral support, then I think that's a serious red flag. Their religion tells them they aren't allowed to celebrate it. But showing up and showing support for a loved one ISNT against their religion. It's simply just a scapegoat. I know many Jehovah's Witnesses, and they have oftentimes came to our birthday parties. They just don't partake in the cake cutting/piñata/ and the gift giving. But they are there.

@Courtney thank you, I needed to hear that! She never gave my partner anything regarding the holidays when she started her journey so I (think) she won’t take part. Hopefully I’m wrong! I will need to speak to her about her boundaries

I don’t think it’s fair to say that it’s a scapegoat people have different ways of practicing their religion and just because some people of the same faith do certain things it doesn’t mean she is using it to her advantage or being nasty and manipulative. I think as your child grows this is a good opportunity to teach her about different types of people and their values, morals religions etc in an understanding way

Honestly, I grew up around my dad’s side of the family and not really my mom’s. I’m not close to either of my grandparents (my dad’s parents lived in Brazil and us in the USA). I don’t really feel like I’m missing out on anything. My dad’s side is really big and I never lacked family. lol I wouldn’t worry too much about it! Your daughter won’t really know the difference.

@Kassia I think I just worry as we live very close to his family but my family are an hour away, I suppose she won’t know any different but in my mind I’m comparing it to my partners experience where he had all those things and then basically lost his childhood sooner than he should’ve due to it but that won’t happen to us I suppose!

@Cerys I think it is a scapegoat because you can't even offer moral support and then you blame it on your religion. But that's just my opinion

@Courtney The only reason why I say I wouldn’t take it that way is because I am a Muslim and there are certain people who celebrate birthdays and others don’t and I wouldn’t feel a type of way if some of my family decided not to come to my daughters birthday because of their beliefs. Fair enough if they then didn’t make sure they were at other milestones like school events performances or just generally not making any effort with my child but if they do then I’d try overlook this and be understanding of their beliefs

That’s because it was his own parents who did this. Also, because they did it after he was already 10. That’s a pretty drastic shift for a 10yr old! An hour isn’t too far! You can still probably see your family at least once a month. I grew up very close to my cousin! He lived in Virginia and I in North Carolina. We used to go up there a few times a year for a weekend! Kids don’t know the difference, if that’s all they’ve known. By the time they’re grown, they won’t have a relationship with family members who didn’t put in any effort, so it won’t make a difference to them. :)

It is actually pretty common for the father side of the family to not be so involved or put in that much effort. I think just focus on what you can control and I would respect her religion even if you don’t understand it.

i grew up as a jehovah's witness, never had a birthday until i left and was almost 20 before i found friends who loved me enough to celebrate me. my side of the family are all jw's so i know they will not be involved in holidays or birthdays ever, they don't even celebrate mother's day. i would say do the best you can to educate yourself on why they believe the things they do through your husband or online so you can explain it to your girl. try not to take it too personally but it can be hard depending on their attitude. message me if you want to talk more about it, i'm due soon and in the same boat as you 💗

@tori it seems like such a hard religion to be in when it comes to things like holidays etc! She’s taught me a lot about it over the years but it’s not really something I’m interested in as I was raised in a family who made such a big fuss over spending time with family for all occasions where as she’s not interested in the slightest, it’s really hard to understand and make sense of 😅 thank you 🩷x