How to fight better

My husband and i have never really fouch before besides an occasional bicker.5 years of that but now that we have a 3 month old we are fighting more and more. We even yelled at eachother for the first time the other day and today we ended up making eachother cry. I feel like im not being heard and he feels like im not seeing the whole picture. I think both of us are probably atleast a little right, but idk how to change the patterns of the fights. I dont understand his perspective at all, im not going to pretend i do. But i made my best friend cry today. I never want to do that again. I feel like all i do is hurt people and burden them. He says thats not true but others have made it clear that i do. Im worried im a narcicist. I try to talk about my feelings, they are discussed in a healthy way, changes are promised to be made, they never happen, i try bottling it up and try to be understanding but eventually it blows up. Ive ruined mothers day, ive ruined his big birthday present, and im ruining our marrage. He tries so hard but i just get so angry over stuff that is worthy of being upset about, but not this much. Before it is suggested, i already attend therapy every week and we have done couples counciling before. I dont want to hurt the people i love, especially not infront of my son. A lot of times i think everyone would be better off if i wasnt a part of the equation. That i should juat move away and send as much money as i can every month for my son but my husband keeps saying he doesnt want that. I have no idea how to do this. We have never fought like this before.

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That’s unfortunately pretty common when couples introduce a new baby. It’s tough navigating postpartum, a new baby, and lack of sleep. I had to learn to walk away and calm myself down before talking to my husband about things otherwise they’d escalate a lot to the point that we actually talked divorce. Maybe you guys can make some time that you guys can spend time together just the two of you to start feeling like a couple again?

First... if you are worried about hurting other people you are NOT alone narcissist. They don't worry about other people's feelings ever. Secondly, maybe you guys just need to give yourselves a grace period before fighting. Like think about what you mean before you say it... and give each other permission to take breaks from the convo before it gets heated. Possibly write out your thoughts too each other instead?

The answer is in the title. “How to fight better” Unless your goal is to become a better warrior 😁 How about “how to stop fighting and start talking”. My question to you is: why do you want to fight? To take all his decisions in your hands? When we want to take all decisions from others that’s called control or power game. Why do you need this power?

Have you completed a test for personality disorders?

I feel like I could’ve written this myself. The only advice I can give is to completely humble yourself to your husband. Tell him exactly what you wrote here. You’re not a narcissist. Your family needs you. What are you guys typically fighting about?

Post partum rage is a thing too.

@Karina i meant how to fight better as in how to turn our fights into healthier interactions and how to gain something from the fights instead of going around in circles

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