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Idk, me personally, I would want my nephew to come for my NEPHEWS sake, regardless of age, regardless of relationship status with parents. However I am a teacher, and I would invite my students to my kids bday party just bc I love them and want as many kiddos around as possible. I say let nephew come. Fuck your brother and his gf, but saying no to the nephew coming doesn’t really make much sense. He’s a child. Let him be apart of his cousins stuff. I didn’t grow up with any cousins around me and would’ve been really excited to have the chance to have my cousins attend my bday party, even if I just remembered from seeing it in a pic years later. Adding a 2 year old wouldn’t really make a difference to me. It would be weird to exclude a child just bc of the feelings I have towards their parents. Just my opinion.

I get feeling that your brother doesn’t care to have a relationship with you and that hurting, totally valid, but I’m not sure why you’re punishing your nephew with not being able to come to the birthday party just because his parents aren’t putting in the effort 🥹

Yes I agree with what else has been said. Your feelings are valid, I get you are venting in a safe space and are emotional about this, all super understandable. Please do not punish your nephew or your Mom. I honestly feel bad your brother and his gf have such demanding jobs and don’t get to see their kid or your kids very much. My advice would be to give them more grace, not at all saying what they are doing is right, but all your kids are young, their kid is only 2. What a difference 2-3 has been for us. Express your feelings to your brother if you want, but then let it go and be there for your kids and your nephew and enjoy the bday party. We have something similar going on in our family dynamic. I’ve accepted friends can be my daughter’s Aunts/Uncles when blood Aunts/Uncles are pretty absent.

Could you imagine not having any relationship with your sibling?. I'm 30, he's 35. So for over 16 years I've tried. I'm at the point where my husband's sisters are so full on with us & their kids.. our kids don't know my brother. My kids are getting older. & idk, I love my nephew but he's 2. So let's say he comes to the party, my mom is going to be all over him and busy and miss my poor oldest bday party with all their school friends & my husband's families kids/ my friends etc?. My brother didn't invite us to his birthday party. I left a lot out lol. I'm just done pretending it's normal or okay to have a distant relationship with your family then expect them to babysit your kid on YOUR KIDS 5TH BIRTHDAY. JESUS THIS HAS GONE ON TOO LONG lol. I babysat him on Christmas. His gf is home all day tomorrow. I'm done.

I have a 4 week old & going to a jump place tomorrow for our... 5 year old tomorrow... I think he can grow up & stop putting money first when he doesn't need to make that much with what they both do.

Yeah girl, I don’t have a relationship with my sister. She’s still always been invited. As will her kids if she decides to have them! My daughter doesn’t see her dad or her siblings, they’ve still been invited to bday parties even though they are kids that were created during my pregnancy with my daughter! I have every reason to not associate with them, but they are KIDS! Be the bigger person! For their sake.

You’re taking your anger at your brother, which is very very valid, out on a child who has nothing to do with your brother or how he spends his time and money, aside from being his child. If he doesn’t see his fam, that’s all the more reason to include him in yours.

Make it a teaching moment for your 5 year old. Sometimes adults do shitty things. We still tighten up and be kind to those who are affected by those choices who can’t help but be part of the fallout.

Also I think it’s kind of silly to expect him to take off work for a nephew’s birthday party TBH… my kid’s is next weekend and a few of my closest friends/fam can’t make it because of work and it turns out that’s just adult life. “He doesn’t need to make that much”? The way you’re talking reads like you don’t have a job or the pressure of supporting your family at all.

Don’t allow your nephew to be isolated. He is a child who deserves to know his extended family, as much as possible, regardless of his parents choices. It’s hard on the child too! You all seem to get enough love from your husbands side, so I feel like your nephew deserves to be embraced in that as well, as from what you’ve said it doesn’t seem like he’s getting that elsewhere!

Are you saying you ‘love your nephew but he’s 2’ as in he doesn’t need to come to the bday party, or you are done trying altogether? Please reflect on if you are taking your feelings out on your nephew that you have for your brother. Forever invite and be apart of your nephew’s life. Please be easy on yourself, if you have a 4 wk old, hormones and emotions are all over the place. Your feelings are valid, but maybe not worth your headspace.

I love my 7 nephews & nieces to no end. We have my brothers son bi weekly on weekends & I work fulltime- until 2nd came 🥰 maternity leave. That's meaning when our 2nd was 2 weeks old.. we had my nephew all weekend for them. They have never taken mine. Period. & I'm at a huge hormonal point of making a point. If we weren't invited to his party, & mom is home.. why the he'll am I babysitting/ our mom babysitting your son at your nieces 5th party? 6 weeks notice. I had to plan this around an infant & I'm just supposed to say hmm yeah he can come I'll babysit him again? No he's gonna be in my house next week I'm sure & we normally have cousins at my house or my husband's youngest sisters house for cousin sleepovers. I've extended that invite to my brother- he refuses to be apart of my husband's family when I've been with my husband 9 years. He Is a narcissistic doctor & I'm done being nice about it. I love my nephew, he loves me, but this isn't it.

If my husband's family are over for a BBQ or sleepover which happens frequently, my brother refuses to allow us to also have his son. He says that would be too much for him 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 but it's not too much to dump your 2 year old on your nieces 5th bday before she starts kindergarten? It's disgusting, it's manipulative, & I'm sorry if anyone thinks that's okay. It's not.

Sorry, but like others have said here… it sounds like you are upset at your brother but you are punishing your nephew instead which really doesn’t make any sense… I would include my nephew in the party regardless of any relationship with the parents… if you haven’t already maybe have a talk with your brother on a separate occasion.

I don't have a relationship with my brother, we've never been close and he thinks I'm mean. But when him and his baby momma broke up and she was going to school my mom and I would take care of the kid she has staying with her that week (they have 3 and they took turns staying with her). Did I get tired and upset at her that she expected us to just be available when she didn't want them with her anymore and she had them less than 24 hours? ABSOLUTELY. I had 2 kids of my own and worked full time. But it wasn't their fault their mom was a POS. It's not their fault I don't have a close relationship with their dad nor desire to have one. But what they could and can always count on is me and my husband doing anything for them, loving them, and always choosing them despite how I feel about my brother and their mom. How their parents treat me is out of their control, what's in my control is how I love them and make them feel.

If you have big feelings right now and you need a break because of all the things that have happened and that break is your nephew not coming to the party, then you do you. You can make that choice, just like your brother chooses to work. Who doesn't have a choice is your 2 yr old nephew.

Are you able to talk to your brother and tell him that it’s messed up that you help out with his child and he doesn’t even know yours? And why did they not invite your child to their birthday party? Idk if maybe your mom has a closer relationship and maybe she could help talk some sense into them? Or what about the gf? Can you reach out to her and ask her why she’s not coming to the party if, she’s not working?…

@Stephanie it's been a uphill battle trying to talk any sense into my older brother for the past 5 years. I tried so hard by the time I now have a 2nd child I'm exhausted like he's just mentally and emotionally abusive.

Absolutely love my nephew, he loves us so much, we very frequently have him in our care. Our mom also said "If he's not going to be involved with my kids yet expect me to be so involved in his he needs a wake up call" My moms fiance & his kids all think my brother is a big joke. They tell me regularly thank God me & my husband are involved parents.

If they all think what’s your brother is doing is wrong then I think it would be easier for you guys to all put up a solid front and stop helping them w their son, so they figure it out. Bc unfortunately they won’t ever learn how to parent if you guys keep watching their son. Ik it sucks, but boundaries. Bc rn its enabling they’re behavior by you guys picking up their slack ESP when they are free to do ur themselves. I’d let him go to the party since your mom is helping out, but then try to distance myself from them

@Stephanie tysm for your level headed response. I did let him come bc my hormones were just all over from my non existent relationship with my brother. I am distancing myself, my husband is on my side about it only because even though his siblings are total polar opposite, don't make enough & still active in our lives no matter what.. it says a lot. My brother is babied so hard I'll hear "Oh he's just so busy" too busy to take 3 hours out of his day with 6 week notice for his nieces big 5th birthday before kindergarten? When she saw they obviously didn't come she threw her hands up and said "Where's uncle?/aunt? Oh.." like I never wanted her to experience what I had to growing up with my brother. He was a trophy child put on a pedestal. I thought us growing up eventually if he had kids it'd change him. He is very okay with not having any relationship with anyone of us & using us to care for his son. It's been this way for 2 years now in that area.. & you're right it's honestly not okay. It's enabling