How to leave him

I don't know point of this post but here goes. I've come to the realization after 5 years with my fella he not going to change he not going to stop drinking or lying. We have 2 kids (one his biologically) but when it gets to the point he getting drunk and passing out during the day when looking after the kids you know its time to leave 😪. He asking for another chance but how many chances do u give someone when it the same "mistake" that keeps happening time and time again and lying straight to your face they are sober and havent been drinking. Ask them go to rehab to get help for the drink they say yes but when you take them back nothing ever changes 💔 how do I leave for good? Might be a simple question but somehow I just keep giving chance after chance but I've just had enough now Thank you so much for listening xxx

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No advice sadly as I am in a similar situation, just I feel your pain and I am here if you ever need a chat. Sending hugs x

@Louise hope ur okay missus 🥰 such a difficult situation to be in xx

I won't lie to you sugar you judt have to make the decision and stick to it. I broke up with my partner of 4 years on Tuesday. He wasn't a drinker but he smoked weed and I was so fed up of begging him to spend his time actually with me and my son who would have been his step son. My sons non verbal and he can't cope with a lot of public places. But now I reflect my exs excuse to be lazy was to use my sons needs or issues to convince me it wasn't him thst wanted to stay home all day every day it was my sons. I move house Tuesday and it's been the best opportunity I've been given in my life and I just couldn't do it to my son or myself anymore where the drama and the negativity followed us to this new home. So I told him to go. I was basically a single parent in a relationship and looking after a man in his 30s. So he's been told to go. And I haven't seen him since that Tuesday morning. He's messaged and promised changes and realised everything I was begging for was bare minimum and he should have been doing.

Its hard and it feels crap and it sucks but I'm now on day 4 or 5 technically and I'm feeling better. I've stopped crying my son is calmer. I'm in a little flow and my only struggle now is figuring out what I'd like to do with my free time now I don't have to parent another adult whilst trying to run a house and my sons needs. You deserve to be safe and happy and so do those kids. If he wants to be involved he either needs to step it up and committ to getting support. ( there's a guy in toktok who's sober and shared his expriences) he lost contact with his son over it and now he's like 260 says sober and they see each other every few days) but it's for your partner to decide he wants to make that change. What's that old saying? You can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink. We can beg and beg for change but until they want to change it won't happen. Stay strong my lovely and I wish you the best of luck xxx

@Sophie I'm so sorry you had to go thru all that wishing u and your son all the best for ur future 🥰 and thank you for the advice xx

Sadly, he’s not going to change unless he makes the choice to change. And he’s using you to enable him. I went through a similar thing with my now-husband. He ended up almost killing himself with drinking, but he made the choice to fix himself, and then fix us. Took a year before I trusted him again. You can’t do it for him. Do you have a support system? Grab the kiddies and run! Live your life for them.

U have already come to realise that this relationship is not serving u or the kids any good, I’m sure u have family and or friends that can also agree that wishing someone will change is not ideal and love is just not enough to carry a relationship when it’s toxic. The best thing you can do for u and kids is to finally walk away and stick to ur guns about it. If they truly cared more for u all then he would get his shit together. Maybe one day he will see sense. You can’t keep going in circles wasting yrs being u happy. It just takes some courage. I wish u all the best.

Think about how fucked up this life is for the kids. And for you. You deserve so much better. Get mad about it Realize people don't change and you can't expect them to. If you pick this man you're signing up for the bullshit and wasting more years of your life here... time is too precious for that. Be mad at him or disappointed in him or whatever helps. This is him tho. He's not going to be who you want him to be. And he won't stop the lying and drinking. He's shown you this with your own eyes. You KNOW it's the end of the line. You have to know you can stay strong and not go back because you know what you're going back to if you do. You totally got this. Time for change is now girl, let the dude make his own choices that have nothing to do w you and see where he ends up in the future but really and I mean really it's time to focus on you and the little ones only. Don't waste anymore time on a pointless mission w him please girl. Things like this get worst over time not better.

When you do leave have a solid plan and don't keep open communication because it will possibly fuck w your feels.. just say hey we are gonna speak only of the kids and like if he's getting to see them somewhere.. (I'd suggest supervised or seeing him sober yourself) otherwise I'd restrict his number even and really truly focus on just having a good life. It's going to be sad sometimes but just remind yourself of the bad things say omg fuck that and keep going. I believe in you. Lol that's my advice