in June 2023 Babies 🇬🇧

Anyone else feel lonely since becoming a parent

Want to start off by saying I love my son more than anything. He’s amazing, my best little buddy and I’d do anything for him. But I have had to leave my job as he has additional needs and my world just feels very small right now. I have no friends or family near me. My husband has a hobby that he’s out doing usually once a week if not more (this week has been almost every evening) and is working full time. I just feel so lonely sometimes. Some days it feels like I’m a single parent and it’s just my son and I. We have nobody to really watch him as his behaviour can be challenging so I can’t do anything social unless it’s going to toddler groups. Plus all my friends live in my home country anyway so not like I’d have anything to go to even if I had the option! Toddler groups are a struggle as my son wanders off and isn’t engaging with other children which makes it impossible for me to hold a conversation with anyone. I also feel more and more disconnected to other mums who have neurotypical children (their lives and worries are just different to ours and it’s hard to relate and not compare resulting in negative feelings). I also feel judged by some of the parents at groups because my son can’t follow directions and is just running around and can’t talk - people don’t stop to think maybe there are some legitimate challenges going on (very likely autistic - but going to be years for a diagnosis on the nhs) but rather judge the parent, and assume that it’s something I’ve done/not done… for example it’s likely he won’t be potty trained until much later than his peers because of his communication and sensory difficulties but I will be judged by other parents for this no doubt. Sorry, just needed a bit of a vent.

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Yes feel like it's harder to go places now she's older. We have the school runs for my eldest which gets us out each day. I've been trying to find some work again as feel like I'm losing me although I love being at home with my girls. Don't think we can win we feel guilty being at home and guilty going to work. It's the mental load too that's a lot to deal with

That sounds challenging, but there's no doubt you're doing an amazing job. My brother has additional needs, so I understand how much can go on in the background that other parents may not understand or know about. He is only 13 so I helped my mum a lot when he was growing up. He had issues with the toilet and used pull up pants way longer than a neurotypical child. Some people will just never understand as they've never been experienced it themselves, so try not to listen to their judgement (so difficult I know!) Even with neurotypical kids, parents will always find something to be judgemental about 😬😕 Motherhood can definitely be so lonely, if you ever want someone to chat with/vent to, you can always DM me 🥰

@Jess yes it’s very restricting isn’t it. My son is still breastfeeding as well and has never slept through the night so I’m just physically exhausted all the time. And yes the mental load is intense! You’re right about the guilt too - I know I’m so lucky I can be at home with my son so I feel guilty for being unhappy/lonely sometimes

@Hannah thanks for your lovely message. You’re exactly right that people who haven’t experienced it can never understand what’s involved and what it’s like. All the things that many parents take for granted can be such a huge thing for families with children with additional needs. Simple things like being able to stand in a queue or take your child’s hand and walk with them, these day to day things just aren’t possible for some families or it’s a long road to get there. And yes very true that people will be judgemental regardless towards children who are NT too and they all have their moments especially at this age!

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