You have Kids with anxiety? Question

Do you make them go places even if they don’t want to? I am talking kid events or activities events, not mandatory places. I also let my 4 year old kid know what we are Doing and today there is a mother’s day event I wanted to take him to but he is scared to be around other kids. We have talked and I have asked what he needs help with etc but he is determined not to go. I don’t know if it’s worth the fight. He doesn’t mind children’s museums or playgrounds but even there, he doesn’t necessarily play with kids and often nervous when getting too close to them. He runs around them or interacts in his own way with smaller kids sometimes. It’s like do I make him because we can’t avoid it forever and I am the mom and I say go type of thing (which I don’t say) or do I not go and let him have freedom in this. I get both sides. I also have anxiety too so I can empathize not wanting to be forced to go. I just don’t know if not going is hindering him or helping if we do or don’t go. I am always understanding and let him express feelings. We usually don’t go to those events if we know he doesn’t do well with it and take him places we know he enjoys. Advice?

Show your support

For my anxious child, preparing him well in advance for new activities really helps. We talk through what it will be like - over many days or even weeks leading up to the new activity. If you aren’t familiar with the idea, look up the idea of social stories to get more suggestions. When my child was 4, we often did these with pictures - either I’d make an actual social story and print it out or I’d show him pictures on my phone and tell him about what to expect. Now that he’s 8, I can usually skip the pictures and just talk through what to expect from the new activity. Afterwards, I also make sure to circle back and help him recognize and celebrate that he was able to do a hard, new thing. Something like: “Remember when you were so scared to go to the _____? And then we went and you were nervous at first, but then you had so much fun playing with the _____. You were so brave and tried something new.”

@Shawna Thank you so much! Even after you have talked and prepped, he didn’t want to or fights it, would you take him or not go? This is such a learning experience

When he was little, he didn’t usually come around. He would still be resistant, but not as much as if I just surprised him with the event. We are really seeing the effort starting to pay off now that he is a few years older. Sometimes, the resistance actually fades away and he gets excited about the new thing if we give him enough time to prepare himself.

@Shawna True. So great that he has come around! I thought to myself earlier, maybe I should have just went hahah! We decided not to go there. He wanted to go to the library and playground eventually so still some fun. Did you have small Birthday gatherings because of his anxiety, or trips etc? We haven’t had any parties yet, just immediate family stuff and visits to fun places so far. Sorry I am everywhere! Thanks for chatting