Had an awful, traumatic vaginal birth with my first baby. Please tell me the second one is a more positive experience 😭

My first way also traumatic just like that. I wasn’t asked or even told about my episiotomy. i did have an epidural so I couldn’t feel anything but literally was so numbed up I couldn’t walk for 10 hours afterwards. I ended up with a rectocele from being poorly put back together. My son was whisked away and I didn’t see him for 12+ hours since he was in the NICU and I couldn’t walk. The night shift nurse asked me if I had seen my baby yet and I broke down crying saying no because no one has communicated anything with me. She brought him right to me so who knows how long he was able to be brought to me he just wasn’t. Fast forward to my second I said screw the hospital and went with a home birth. It was the most empowering and healing experience I could have asked for. A very small tear that I didn’t feel happen. I healed super quickly too. Birth can be rewarding if you try really hard to have the right mindset and not be afraid. Our bodies were made to birth. You got this 🫶🏻

Second was better

Had my second outside the system though

Whilst on paper our first was uneventful, I found the pain very traumatic and also had an episiotomy. We had our second in March and here’s what I did differently. 1. Planned for an elective C at 41 weeks in case labour didn’t start spontaneously so I didn’t have to have an induction (which is often even more painful). 2. Planned to go in and have an epidural. I don’t handle pain well at all and I knew I would be traumatised again if I didn’t have some serious pain relief. It’s not worth the trauma for me. 3. Utilised all the options in very early labour up to epidural. TENS machine was brilliant, the comb was also 10/10, paracetamol, then squatting low and keeping moving non stop during a contraction. 4. I felt let down by hypnobirthing but something I read stuck with me this time and really helped. Your contraction will peak half way through then get easier. So count to 30 when it starts and know that every second past 30 WILL get easier. tbc…

@Madeleine my first was back to back so there was no let up in my contractions which is also why the breathing and Hypnobirthing didn’t really work because I was just in constant pain my entire labour as the contractions were continuous.

5. Then AS SOON as that contraction is over let go of it. Fully relax your body and rest until the next. Don’t hold onto that feeling. 6. Again I’m not one for affirmations but at the pushing stage I got into the zone much easier than before as the epidural took away the pain and fear I had first time and I didn’t even scream through each push at the end. I will say the epidural didn’t fully work for me but it was a LOT LOT better than without. Your body does know what to do. A lot of people had a much faster labour but mine was only marginally faster so don’t go in with expectations just go with the flow. Hug your first lots in the early stages and breathe them in. And yes it does still hurt but advocate for yourself 💪🏻

Honestly I sometimes wonder if my first was too, but then this time I was 3cm when I got the epidural and my contractions were coming so close together even the anaesthesiologist thought it was strange. I didn’t bother with “breathing” techniques either but do consider pain relief (I wouldn’t recommend opiates as you don’t feel in control imo). I kept saying you don’t get a medal for going unmedicated. Everybody gets the same prize at the end 💪🏻 Can you ask them immediately what position baby is in perhaps?

@Madeleine yeah if I do give vaginal birth another go I will definitely ask for the epidural the second I’m in labour. Yeah I was thinking this… because if they say this one is back to back then I would say I want a c section straight away. I am still debating an elective as well because I am so scared of the pain and recovery of last time. I know c sections can also have a tough recovery time but it took me so long to heal from my vaginal birth that I’m like can it possibly be worse?

My first birth was a 5 day long induction ending in emergency episiotomy and forceps. Second was spontaneous labour and dream natural water birth 🙏💛

Both of mine were bad but my second was way worse. That doesn’t mean yours will be I just wish people wouldn’t speak for everyone in saying ‘second is easier’ not for me it wasn’t

Yeah I asked for the epidural as soon as I couldn’t labour at home anymore, I was only 2cm but I refused to leave! Cs defo aren’t without risk, but neither are vaginal. I’d super recommend booking in a planned C for after your due date, then you will have the paperwork and pre-op appointments all done. Then when you go into spontaneous labour, if your baby is back to back again you can say stop, I want the C and everything is prepped. Same if you go in and it’s just too much, you can ask for a C (they’ll call it emergency but it’s really just unplanned). Everybody I know personally who’s had a planned C has had a beautiful birth and a great recovery (again I KNOW it’s not always the case). Also, this time my pelvic floor DIED due to the second vaginal birth and I had no control for days after which was horrendous. Recovery I’ve found even though I didn’t have an episiotomy this time or any tears (2nd birth pros!) to be just as hard, especially with another child to look after.

@Madeleine because my first birth was very fast the midwives have said to me that I can come into hospital straight away because it’ll likely be very fast and I’m going to say that I want the anaesthetic team basically at the ready when I get there to give me the epidural. Yes I’ve had lots of friends who had electives and they are the only ones I know with positive birth stories! Unfortunately the first time around I was asking for a c section my entire labour and they just kept telling me I I could do it and ignored my screams so I don’t trust that asking for one in labour this time would happen either! Oh no that doesn’t fill me with much hope that you found recovery just as hard the second time 🙈. My pelvic floor was totally ruined after the first baby so who knows how bad it’ll be after this one?!

Yess advocate for yourself! Ignore any shitty staff members (there is always one and I’m really sorry to say it!). My midwife was fully on board with my planned C/epidural plan and they took a bit of time but luckily I think my screams in triage spurred them on a bit 😅 No point waiting for an epidural! Also it’s easier to do when there’s a good gap between contractions so you can sit still, so the earlier the better. And if you have C paperwork done they won’t have as many barriers to cross if you want it. On the pelvic floor…first birth I was dehydrated and said I wouldn’t let myself get like that again. Second…I drank too much 🤡 Small sips little and often not big gulps, don’t make my mistake…don’t over extend your bladder. Then get yourself on the exercises ASAP and see a Mummy MOT as soon as you can. I think I’m recovering better now since getting on a PP plan after assessment 💪🏻

Yes mummy MOT is amazing! They saved me after my first birth. Just because she was so understanding and properly listened to my birth story so it was like a therapy session and then actually gave me a physical examination (the 6 week GP check up is a joke!) and did a personalised plan on how to help me. Best £100 I spent, I think all women should have it on the nhs.

100% everybody should have it on the NHS! I can confirm 6 week check was still a joke this time, I was just told oh you know do your pelvic floor exercises 🤡

So interesting to read. I’m only 3wks pp from my 1st traumatic birth. Feel like nothing went to plan, couldn’t have a water birth because I had some bleeding, had back labour and progressed very quickly, was 8cm and waiting in triage for ages. Didn’t have gas and air until a lot later as they were so busy, then had a 3C tear. My surgeon said to consider a c section if I decide to have a second because of the severity of the tear. Took me a good 2 weeks to feel more comfortable down there.

I’m not going to sugar coat. Your second birth will be completely different from your first. Every birth is unique. Maybe there could be different trauma, maybe it could be a million times better. For me my first was a beautiful birth but tough recovery. My second was a TOUGH birth, but a beautiful and peaceful recovery 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s a box of chocolates, friend. You don’t know what you’re going to get! Best thing you can do now is to prepare your mindset ❤️ Have a mantra that suits you and can carry you through!

Yes, first labour was long, painful,shoulder distocia, long episiotomy, delivering a 9lb 50z baby, second time round much quicker, no complications at all with only a small graze and I actually enjoyed labour - my recovery was super quick, and my mental health much better too. You can do this 🩷💙

My first was traumatic as well and very long. I needed an episiotomy and because it took so long oxytocin induction and epidural. I had a good experience with the epidural. The second time was so quick that I didn’t have time for an epidural. I didn’t need an episiotomy and was allowed home straight after birth, so much better experience! If you would like an epidural I would suggest going into triage as soon as you have contractions so you have time for an epidural. Good luck 😌

My first was the same as yours, forceps, episiotomy, tear and haemorrhage. My second i had no issues at all and was only in active labour for 45 mins before baby was born

I had two unmedicated home births and I felt way more empowered for the second because I knew vaguely what to do and what contractions felt like! I felt much more in control and managed to have her in the water with little interaction with midwives/paramedics. Every birth is so different, but I do recommend hypnobirthing - the breathing techniques absolutely saved me both times!

Similar experience to you with my first, labour was not at all what I had prepared for or what I had read or learned about. I had back labour and my contractions were close together and painful from the start. I had no pain relief other than gas and air and my tens machine. 3rd degree tear, episiotomy and ventouse delivery and a very long and difficult recovery. I had an elective C-section with my second baby and it was absolutely the right decision for me. I was advised on medical grounds due to the scar tissue from my tear but also because of my previous experience deciding to go with the C-section gave me more control and less anxiety. It was an extremely positive experience and I have nothing negative to say about it. The recovery was far easier and quicker than the recovery with my first. It also meant that looking after a newborn was a lot easier as I felt well.