Should I tell my mother how disappointed I am in my husband’s career choice? She keeps bringing it up
Show your support
I would absolutely tell her the whole truth. A stay-at-home parent is something that should be a decision together, it was supposed to be you, you told him how you'd feel if he quit his job and he did it anyways, now you're stepping up for your family when you shouldn't have had to- he CREATED the situation that you to step up for! SAHDs who support their career wives deserve praise, not SAHDs who suddenly put all the financial responsibility onto their wives. He's home because he quit his job, not because you wanted to work and needed someone to watch the baby, so no you're not lucky and I'd be telling her that, but that's just me.
Agree with @FairyMother 🦖🌸 . Also OP, do you think he might have planned this?
Why do you cook and clean when he’s at home? He’s clearly not fulfilling the role of being a SAHD so tell him he has to return to work whilst you stay at home instead!
I would say tell her the whole truth but what will her knowing the whole truth change? Not to be rude but he’s not a SAHD he’s a lazy man because this was not planned and he basically blindsided you into getting his own way while ignoring your dreams which is extremely selfish. I would walk away expeditiously if my husband did that. Because if I’m going to be working and providing and pumping then I’m going to spend my money on myself and my child/children and his lazy self can stay home and do whatever with himself. I bet you get home and still have to do stuff right? Smh. Sorry you have to go through this x
That is not a man… I’m so sorry this happened to you. He trapped you and went back on his word. I would be livid. Absolutely livid.
This happened to my girlfriend as well! He was a great husband and boyfriend. (Together 10 years)Once she got pregnant. He quit his job and said he wanted to be SAHD… when they both agreed that she would stay at home. She had to get two jobs while he barely did shit at home. (All he did was play video games and let the baby cry for hours while she would watch on the monitor… at work) she would have to call his ass to get the baby. Then while she was asleep he would put his ear pugs in so she would have to wake up with the baby at night…. While still having to go to work and pumping) Then when she wanted a divorce, he said he would get alimony. Since he makes more than him and he would fight for it. She is still in that marriage. I feel so bad for her.
Wow you had it all planned out and everything. That’s horrible, I’m so sorry.
He is clearly deranged and set-up this ploy. You should leave him.
You have to tell your mom you are frustrated with him and you don’t want to hear any more of that.
@Brittany yeah when we were TTC I was setting up my business and getting clients and stuff, in anticipation of quitting my job after mat leave. He started telling me how unhappy he was in his job when I was pregnant, so he had about 18 months to find a different job before he resigned and he only applied for one in that time.
@Mama A he’s not a very good cook tbh. He makes her lunch at least 🤷🏻♀️ she usually stands in her toddler tower to help me cook. It takes longer but she likes it, and it would be fun if I wasn’t so exhausted all the time He is an active dad and helps with some cleaning (mainly dishes, laundry and vacuuming), but it’s very like… I feel like she misses me so much while I’m at work that she’s completely attached to me when I’m home. So I’m the primary parent from when I get home at 5 all the way through to leaving for work again the next morning. I do dinner, bath time, bed time, night wake ups, breakfast, getting dressed in the morning… and 24/7 at the weekend. So I never get a break. Even right now, I’m sitting next to her crib making shushing sounds for the last 45 min cause she’s teething and taking a long time to settle properly, but when I go downstairs I’ll still have to tidy up her toys and check the laundry has been hung up and it’s just when is my break 😭
@Rebekah that is so awful for your friend 💔 He is at least a pretty active dad. I can’t really fault that part. I have to plan activities for them (like they do swimming class, dance class, I book them trips to local farms and stuff - all the stuff I wanted to do with her 😭) but he does engage with her and they have fun. Although the second I get home it’s mummy mummy mummy until she falls asleep, she sometimes makes him leave the room we’re playing in cause she just wants mummy! Leaving in the mornings is heartbreaking cause it’s been months and she still sobs and screams when I leave without her 💔
If he is going to be the stay at home parent, he at least needs to be planning the activities and actually doing developmental ones like a daycare would. Define stop tidying toys! There's some work to do with husband, but that's not the point of your post. Do you tell Mom? Absolutely, I'm surprised she doesn't know already...did she not know the plan before and she didn't ask anything when the plan changed??
It’s definitely a shitty thing to just quit your job and decide to be a stay at home parent. It’s a decision that should be made between both parents, that both are happy with. But are you sure this was the case? Because it doesn’t sound like he was happy with the decision for you to stay home. Obviously that doesn’t excuse what he’s done. I do happen to know a few women who have done that, though. Some knowing that their partner would want to have more of a role at home, some just not thinking about their partner at all. I get the desire to give up work and raise your kids - but I also think that women often just assume they will do this and their partner won’t care. But actually nowadays I think men ARE more present at home and DO want to be more involved. Anyway, I’m sorry for your situation, and yes what he did was shitty. Why don’t you discuss it and maybe both work part time as a compromise?! And keep your mum out of it. It’s not really anything to do with her.
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Trusted by 5M+ women
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Trusted by 5M+ women
Are you sure there isn’t something deeper to him quitting? Like maybe something was happening at work and he was going to get fired so he quit? Or did he get fired and just told you he quit? Does have appropriate references to get a new job? I’m sorry this has happened. I would be really angry that our plan totally changed.
@Dana 🦅♥️🤍💙 yeah, definitely not fired! We are still friends with his former boss and his wife, he begged him to stay, offered a raise and a bonus to try to keep him, asked me privately to talk him out of it, offered to hire him as a consultant a couple days a week… his work was obsessed with him!
@Liz I suggested part-time to him, we had a lot of discussions about it but they weren’t productive because anything I said, he just countered with “I have to quit my job first to motivate me.” My work said I could do a job share, but his old job part-time wasn’t an option, and he still doesn’t seem motivated to look for new jobs soooo here we are 🤷🏻♀️ I just want my mum to shut up for two seconds about how lucky I am but I think she’ll just twist it into me being ungrateful so I probably will chicken out and won’t say anything to her
Firstly, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like a decision for the two of you was made by one of you, and that's deeply unfair. If you don't want to share with your mum, that's fine, but perhaps say something very firm about how her praise of him feels. Something like "mum, things have happened in our relationship in the last year or so that have been deeply unfair. It's been devastating and I don't know what the future looks like between us. I know you see a lot of good in him, but this is incredibly difficult for me right now. Please, as my mum, can you not share your thoughts about how wonderful he is right now. It's painful for me". If she continues after that, you've got a whole other issue, but hopefully people can continue to help here ❤️❤️
That’s messed up. He knew you wanted to be a SAHM the whole time?