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My partner and I’s relationship was really great before we had our LO. Communication was improving and he had shown a lot of effort. There were also a few things we had discussed and agreed to prior to our LO’s arrival; like he would clean more since I was healing, make me food, etc. since I was taking on more responsibility with the baby. Those things did not happen. I am 9 weeks postpartum and have been solely the one to maintain the home. I had waited to see if he would do any of it. I asked, wrote it on our to-do list, and none of it ever got done. I have tried to break it down into manageable tasks too. Last weekend I spent my day off of work watching the baby and cleaning the whole house while my partner slept. It was incredibly frustrating and he wasn’t grateful at all. We have started fighting, because he stonewalls and won’t ever let me know what’s going on. Last night he slept on the couch while he was “waiting on the washer”. I was actively breastfeeding and got up, baby attached and switched the laundry over myself because he was sleeping. He didn’t even say thank you, didn’t notice, barely said goodbye to me as he left today. He makes me feel like a burden. I had an incredibly tumultuous first 6 weeks postpartum. 4 weeks my baby had a tongue tie = pain! And then I went back to work, at that same time, our baby ended up in the ER. I know that I have been a lot to handle emotionally, and I have been working on it to the best of my abilities. My partner goes out to gym for an hour or more and goes on runs for 2+ hours, swims for 2+ etc and I do it all for him without complaint. But when I ask him to hold the baby while I shower, he gives me an evil stare and a sigh and won’t speak. He refuses to communicate with me and I can’t take it anymore. He asked for this baby, said he wants more, yet looks at both of us like a burden. I’m 99% sure that he is going to ask to break up in the next few days. He has broken his promises, he doesn’t keep his word and I don’t trust him. But I want him, I love him. Any advice?
Read more on PeanutThe views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.I’m so sorry you’re going through this—it sounds incredibly tough, and everything you’re feeling is completely valid. You’ve taken on so much physically and emotionally, and it’s heartbreaking that the support you were promised hasn’t happened.
Sometimes people shut down when they feel overwhelmed or unsure how to help, but that doesn’t make it okay. You deserve to be seen, appreciated, and supported—especially now.
You’ve tried to communicate, made things manageable, and still been met with silence or blame. That’s exhausting. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about feeling like you’re in this together. And right now, it sounds like you’re carrying it all.
If he can’t or won’t step up, that’s not your failure—it’s his choice. You’re clearly strong, loving, and doing your absolute best. Don’t let his distance make you doubt your worth. You and your baby deserve better than feeling like a burden. You matter just as much as you LO. ♥️