Who is wrong here

Currently in the hospital with baby number 2. My mom is here with me since my husband is with my son at home.
Last time, my mom always would spout that nonsense. Even with my son at home. That I was spoiling my baby by holding him, that I shouldn’t let him contact nap (with me awake, obviously. Etc etc. it annoyed me to no end

Now I’m in the hospital. Contact napping. It’s my daughter’s literally 1st day being born. She was having trouble sleeping in bassinet. I’m awake so I’m holding her. Letting her sleep. My mom wakes up from her nap and starts going off at me about how I’m spoiling her. That I need to stop. Put her down. Etc.

Ngl I lost it.
I immediately went off on her bc I’m sick of hearing it. I just want to bond with my child.

Am I wrong for going off at her? I didn’t scream (obviously bc I have my child on me) but I definitely started going off and getting mad.
What would you do?

Keep in mind, my son , who I “spoiled” was able to sleep on his own through the night very quickly. and to this day is an amazing sleeper. We never had an issue with him refusing to sleep unless on me.

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Knowing what I know about babies now I would have absolutely lost my shit. I was told the exact same thing as a FTM 3 years ago, my son just wouldn't ever sleep anywhere else but on me. I was so distraught and thought I was an awful mum to the point I called the midwife, crisis team and HV to come and collect my baby off me because I didn't want him because I couldn't parent how I was 'supposed to'. They came to collect him and luckily I was talked out of it. Turned out he had awful reflux and CMPA which was painful for him whilst lying down. Never ever think you're spoiling your child, you are a brilliant mum for doing exactly what this tiny new baby needs x

Respectfully, she needs to stay in her place. You're the mom and that's your babies, you love on them as much as you want. You're creating a healthy bond with them, and giving them the love, every kid should have. You cannot spoil a newborn, touch, affection, and love is a basic need for any human but especially for newborns, it's what regulates their bodily functions and helps their development. You're most certainly not wrong, and don't be afraid to stand up and defend your parenting style, whether it's family or not.

Tell her to go get professional help and stop projecting her shitty childhood on you. Of course you're right.

You cannot spoil a newborn. In fact attachment parenting is a great way to have a good bond with your child.

I've worn my son since he was 3 weeks old. Now I wear him less because he prefers walking, but I still wear him. He will be 2 next month

I would have turned around and said that I'm sure that she wasn't the perfect mother when you were growing up & to just let you do things your way.

It’s biology!! Those babies have been in your tummy for 9 months. Where it’s nice and warm, they hear your voice, your heartbeat, so it’s only natural they want that when they come out. They’re only babies for a short amount of time, soak it up and tell your mum to do one (respectfully) xx

She literally just came out of you??? All she knows is you. I’m so puzzled about your mother

Honestly? I'd be sending my mum home. I think I'd rather be on my own than face the anxiety of being judged for every decision made.

Babies can't be held "too much" 🤷‍♀️

Poor baby doesn’t even know she’s born!!!! Honestly don’t know how you didn’t send her home immediately! You hold your baby and bond and rest💕 congratulations btw

It is great to bond when your newborn! Youre being safe and caring for her. Your mom is being unreasonable

Personally I wouldn’t have had my mom there and took my husband

My mother wasn’t present anyway thankfully but that’s some bullshit

In the NICU they called it kangaroo care. It was the best thing for the babies to be on parent's chest. There's science and stuff behind it. Enjoy your new little one ❤️

I would tell her to leave. She should be watching your son not your husband

Tell your mom to back up and cuddle your baby

@Cassie @Christina🤱🏼🍂☕️♈️ we didn’t want her with my son overnight. My husband and son are here all day she just comes at night. My partner and I both don’t want to change his routine of having one of his parents there before bringing home a newborn. doctor said it’s very important we split our time with him evenly to avoid jealousy and stuff

@Jenna I totally would’ve if I didn’t have a c section 😭 luckily she shut the hell up once I got pissed

Understandable. Valid. I’d kick that bitch to curb then. There’s a reason I didn’t want anyone near me after I gave birth. There’s a reason my son doesn’t know his grandparents. Good luck! 🍀

That's preposterous, spoiling a 1DAYold by letting them contact nap?! That's the most natural thing in the world with i would've lost it too. Also I dont think there's an age limit. Follow your instincts and keep doing what you feel is best for you and yours. Mom needs to not say anything if it's not nice or supportive.

I'm not surprised you lost your shit to be honest. Find a decent article about the 4th trimester and send it to her with the caption "read this, I don't want to hear any more about it"

Of course you are in the right, that’s absurd and I would be sending her home, I will not be having that in my recovery journey

I would have asked her to leave. If you want to 'spoil' your 24hr old baby then go ahead! 🤯

Mom should be watching your son, while dad’s at the hospital with you. Especially if you know she makes triggering comments.

Honestly it's understandable for your mom to initially have some misinformed opinions about raising a newborn, because it's probably how she was raised and what she was told to do. However, this is your second child and you have had no problems with your first. That should be enough for her to shut her mouth and stay out of it. She's given her opinion, you've given your rebuttal and are clearly not budging. While I obviously don't know exactly what you meant by "going off," when people don't listen it's ok to push back and tell them to back off. Or ask her to leave. It's your child, not hers, you make the decisions.

My daughter slept on either mine or my partners chest for the first 6 weeks. She wouldn’t settle in her crib no matter what we tried so in the end we took shifts.

It must be so difficult for tiny babies being out in the world for the first time, all they want is to feel safe. My daughter shocked doctors whenever we took her because she was so calm and never cried, they said she clearly trusts us and feels secure.

Listen to your baby, it actually harms their brain development letting them cry it out x

You can never give a baby too much affection! Food, sleep, and love are the three things they need, and they will actually choose love over food if pushed to it. There was a study with baby monkeys who were taken from their mothers for a short time, and were given the choice between a robot mother with food, or a big cuddly teddy mother without food. They chose the cuddles. It's what babies are programmed to do, and it's what mothers are programmed to do too but society got some mixed up views for a while so we were all pretty much raised on "cry it out" attitudes! I've had to tell my mom that I'm not just gonna let my baby cry, that she is gonna sleep on me if that's what she wants, and so on.

Your job is to care for your newborn and your instincts are not wrong. Your mom's job is to take care of you. ❤️ That's it.

Hold your newborn. She has been in a protected environment for 9 months and now she is overwhelmed by her new environment. She is familiar with your voice and heartbeat and hugs will settle her.

Tell mum to shut up or go home.

Tell her you’re not asking her to hold the baby so chill out….

My mom always said “mother’s body is best” I hold my baby everytime I can from day one

My daughter will be staying with my mom when I pop out my boy, but to be honest I would sooner be there alone than have someone nagging at me about giving my child affection

You can send her home and ask for midwives help. They can hold baby while you have a sleep or go for a shower

The early days for skin to skin contact is important so I’d just ignore your mum xx

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