Breaking up with him (long post🥺)

Breaking up with him (my sons dad)because I get barely any of his time.He works 12-13 hour shifts mon-Friday and then uses his Saturdays to make side money.If I ever do see him he comes over at the end of the day after picking his son up and getting him situated for the night.We have been together 4 years and I have mentioned multiple times moving in together so we could spend more time together and become one big family.I agreed to drop his oldest son off to and from school since the mother is not active in her childs life.My sons dad currently stays at home with his mom and little brother that is 23.My sons dad doesn’t want to leave home and pays majority of the bills there taking care of 2 grown adults.I got an apartment for me and our 4 year old and I pay all my bills at my home for me and our 4 year old.He gives me $1000 a month to help out with our son but I feel like I would rather just all live and be together but he feels if he leaves his mom and non working brother they would be homeless.Mind you guys his mom and brother are 2 fully functioning adults who can go get multiple jobs if need be to maintain things without him.My sons dad is 30 and his mom is like 46 and his little brother is 23 with no job just sitting around letting life pass him by.I feel its unfair to me to already pretty much be a single mom and for us to live in 2 separate homes if we have been together this long.Like why do they come before the family you have created?The $1000 is a huge help but daycare is very expensive.So I almost feel like damn you would rather watch me break my back to keep things afloat for me and your son then for us to be a team?When I do see him its after 10pm and he comes over and goes straight to sleep because he is so tired from work.And on sundays when I can actually spend time with him.He just wants to sit in the house and nap all day.So I’ve gotten to a point where I send off our 4 year old with him and have me time on the weekends.Its just frustrating that I feel like we dont spend time together and I hardly see him.He works with his hands so we dont get to speak much during the day either unless he is at work with a million and one things going on.I have expressed this to him so many times and he says things will get better.Its been at least 2 years of this.Im sick of it.I have no issue with him working but it gets lonely only seeing him once a week and then he is sleep when I do see him.Maybe im being selfish about it.I have even gotten to a point of speaking to other men and expanding my options because I see no change in our situation.Thats why im breaking up with him.Am I whining and being selfish or is that a valid feeling to have?

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I don't think you're whining at all and your reasons are valid. I have a blue collar husband who did weekday and weekend OT for almost a year straight which almost broke me, so I totally understand how it feels to be in a relationship with an exhausted hard working man who has enough energy to be a good dad but didnt have energy for much else. Two years of no movement to make your lives more entertwined is a long time to endure. He seems like a good hard working man but has forgotten to be companion which sounds like what you need the most from him. If you're done trying to work it out, then yes you should move on. But if you have it in you to try one more time, I would also give him a hard deadline of how long you're willing to give him a chance. Example: you have 6 months to inform your mom and brother to get jobs and find a new place to live and take steps that result in us moving in together, if I'm unsatisfied with your efforts then our relationship is over.

@ALYSSA Thank you ❤️Yes I have tried deadlines and even said I would leave and nothing changes.I have tried trying telling him everything.I genuinely think im just done.

I totally get it although I just suck it up because we do live together but I still didn’t see him when he was working two jobs because one was over night but to me it’s just him trying to do his part to save for a house for us. But I’m sorry you’re going through that and for that long he should definitely at least live with yall. So I do get the moving on he just doesn’t seem interested in making his own family work.

@Bryar I agree,I don’t even get a hug or kiss when he leaves most times.Im not sure what kind of relationship he thinks this is but its definitely not one im interested in

Your feelings are completely valid. I commend him for looking out for his mother and brother but they are grown adults. If they are not physically or mentally disabled there is no reason why they can't get full-time jobs. He is enabling their laziness. He shouldn't be paying anything for them and instead be living with you and contributing all finances to the household bills and anything relating to his kids including your shared child. Like heck, even if he's still insists on paying their bills he doesn't even have to actually live with them. Has he expressed why he doesn't want to live with you?

@Breaha no,just says he can’t leave his mom and brother so they won’t be kicked out

Wishing you the absolute best and most delicious new chapter. I forgot to say, you also sound like an amazing, hardworking, and loving woman to have in one's life. That man was so lucky you tried to hold on and work things out and your son is very lucky to have a devoted mama like you. It is so hard to balance being a stable loving parent while in conflict with your partner or co-parent. I hope your support system is there for you and if you wish for a new man, that he is everything you need, want, and deserve ❤️

That doesn't make sense. He doesn't have to live with them to pay their bills. It sounds like he's making excuses and doesn't want to be honest with you. I'd definitely break up with him.

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