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I have two very close friends. We've been good friends since school and stayed in touch despite all going down very different paths.
I moved 3 hours away about 10 years ago and have gone back and fourth to visit them and family for years. One of my friends has had little ones and I've gone to see all of them when they were newborns, it's been lovely and amazing to see her flourish as a Mum ❤️
Both were bridesmaids at my wedding and I was at theirs. We don't see eachother for months on end sometimes but when we do see eachother we all get on great and have lots to catch up on.
I have noticed the past 5 years or so though there is more of a difference. Both of them have passed their driving tests but are too scared to drive. They have both stayed in our childhood village and neither of them have really travelled abroad at all. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just different and I find it weird when they want to go somewhere and have to ask husbands to drive them.
Anyway, veering off the point. Neither of them have come to meet my daughter since she was born. She is 18 months old now. I've invited them many times and they've acted all excited but then cancelled last minute. This has happened again recently. Do you think I should just let go? Would you? I love them to bits but I can't keep hoping. It's too 1 sided and it's causing feelings of resentment.
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.Thinking the same thing about a “best” friend of mine. I moved to another country so we see each other rarely. She became a mom a few years ago and all she talked about was the baby or bad relationship with her in-laws. We lost common topics to talk about and she changed a lot, she was career-driven, strong-minded and a very passionate person in general. I still kept connecting with her and asking how she was doing and how her family was but she stopped texting me first a long time ago. I understand that she had a baby and was busier than before but I’m getting tired of that one-sided friendship. I didn't tell her about my pregnancy and I already have a baby too. I kept delaying or maybe I just didn't want to text her anymore. People grow apart, we change and I think that's ok. If we reconnect again like I did with another old friend of mine after about 5 years of not connecting then it is meant to be. If not, then I think it's ok to move on. Most importantly, we know we tried. 🫂
If they are too scared to drive a long way by themselves, you might just need to accept that. If communication is still both ways, maybe try to be content with that.
Know your worth. 18months old baby ? Sorry no excuse for them not coming to see you.
Yeah this is the hardest part of moving away from family & friends. I moved an 1hr away 8 years ago & some of my friends have only been in my house once or twice in all that time, some never!! As someone said, don’t be afraid to stop running to them & texting first or text less often….if they want to be in your life they will text back or make an effort. I constantly beat myself up for not getting round all my friends when I’m home but then I stop myself because my elderly mum will always be my no 1 priority when I’m home. I don’t know how long i have left with her, I lost my dad 3 yrs ago. Do you visit family when you go home? I would prioritise them. Xx
It was lovely to hear @Gulzhan say she reconnected with a friend after 5 years. It gives me hope as I have lost a bit of contact with one of my closest friends who lives about 20 mins away, but she has suffered PPD and bereavements in the last few years (although I lost my dad too so it works both ways 🤷♀️). I have new friends in my hometown who I prioritise as well. I feel for you though, it’s not easy x
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