Losing best friends. Advice

I have two very close friends. We've been good friends since school and stayed in touch despite all going down very different paths.

I moved 3 hours away about 10 years ago and have gone back and fourth to visit them and family for years. One of my friends has had little ones and I've gone to see all of them when they were newborns, it's been lovely and amazing to see her flourish as a Mum ❤️

Both were bridesmaids at my wedding and I was at theirs. We don't see eachother for months on end sometimes but when we do see eachother we all get on great and have lots to catch up on.

I have noticed the past 5 years or so though there is more of a difference. Both of them have passed their driving tests but are too scared to drive. They have both stayed in our childhood village and neither of them have really travelled abroad at all. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just different and I find it weird when they want to go somewhere and have to ask husbands to drive them.

Anyway, veering off the point. Neither of them have come to meet my daughter since she was born. She is 18 months old now. I've invited them many times and they've acted all excited but then cancelled last minute. This has happened again recently. Do you think I should just let go? Would you? I love them to bits but I can't keep hoping. It's too 1 sided and it's causing feelings of resentment.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Thinking the same thing about a “best” friend of mine. I moved to another country so we see each other rarely. She became a mom a few years ago and all she talked about was the baby or bad relationship with her in-laws. We lost common topics to talk about and she changed a lot, she was career-driven, strong-minded and a very passionate person in general. I still kept connecting with her and asking how she was doing and how her family was but she stopped texting me first a long time ago. I understand that she had a baby and was busier than before but I’m getting tired of that one-sided friendship. I didn't tell her about my pregnancy and I already have a baby too. I kept delaying or maybe I just didn't want to text her anymore. People grow apart, we change and I think that's ok. If we reconnect again like I did with another old friend of mine after about 5 years of not connecting then it is meant to be. If not, then I think it's ok to move on. Most importantly, we know we tried. 🫂

If they are too scared to drive a long way by themselves, you might just need to accept that. If communication is still both ways, maybe try to be content with that.

Know your worth. 18months old baby ? Sorry no excuse for them not coming to see you.

Yeah this is the hardest part of moving away from family & friends. I moved an 1hr away 8 years ago & some of my friends have only been in my house once or twice in all that time, some never!! As someone said, don’t be afraid to stop running to them & texting first or text less often….if they want to be in your life they will text back or make an effort. I constantly beat myself up for not getting round all my friends when I’m home but then I stop myself because my elderly mum will always be my no 1 priority when I’m home. I don’t know how long i have left with her, I lost my dad 3 yrs ago. Do you visit family when you go home? I would prioritise them. Xx

It was lovely to hear @Gulzhan say she reconnected with a friend after 5 years. It gives me hope as I have lost a bit of contact with one of my closest friends who lives about 20 mins away, but she has suffered PPD and bereavements in the last few years (although I lost my dad too so it works both ways 🤷‍♀️). I have new friends in my hometown who I prioritise as well. I feel for you though, it’s not easy x

in our community

18 month old special breakfast!

My 18 month olds special breakfast! We usually stick to healthier options but kiddo had his 18m shots yesterday and is feeling a little under the weather so we figured a special breakfast as a pick me up was in order! So this morning he had waffles and strawberries with Nutella to dip into, and cranberry juice!

Am I overreacting?

My partner and I have just had our baby girl, my 1st his 3rd. I don’t feel like he is very interested in our baby and I often have to ask for him to do things or even pick her up when she cries. He is on his phone a lot and he doesn’t pick up on her cues for being tired. I have mentioned to him already that he needs to be more involved, when I walk in he will start playing with her but I can see from a distance he’s just holding her whilst on his phone. I’m worried if I keep saying stuff he will resent being with baby even more as I have mentioned it a couple of times now. Baby is now 3 months old. I just don’t know if this is a man thing or he’s just not interested. Advice needed please.

Toddler rejecting dad - upsetting for us

This feels like a recurrent theme in my life but it’s ramped up. Our son is 2 later this month and he is getting soo dismissive of his dad. His dad has pretty delicate mental health so this hits him real hard and he tends to recoil (which we both know doesn’t help)

Last night for example was my partners term to do bedtime, however our son was getting so upset by him being put to bed by dad that I just ended up doing it.

Our son was getting so extreme that he was opening his bedroom door, taking dad by the hand and walking him out saying “bye dada”.

I know it’s hurtful for him. And I know it’ll pass. But our son has always been dismissive of his dad and we/I don’t know how to resolve it. Our son is so affectionate with me and it must be so painful for dad to not have the same love back.

And because of all this rejection, I end up doing most of the care (bed, bath, can’t be out of sight, wake ups etc)

They play well together for the most part, but it’s all on our son’s terms.

Dad has arranged for a son-dad day this weekend where I’m not involved. These days are few and far between but something I want them to have more of. Whenever I’ve been away for a day/overnight, they’re usually besties when I come back and it’s lovely.

It’s so hard and I’m hoping someone has experience and can tell me it gets better 😭

Taking food to restaurants for baby

I’m posting as incognito because I feel a bit silly asking about this 😂 my son is nine months old with a suspected nut allergy. Tomorrow we’re going for a meal with family to a Chinese buffet. I for obvious reasons don’t want him eating from this buffet because of salt,msg and most importantly nuts (which are in A LOT of their dishes). At a buffet there is absolutely no guarantee something will be nut free as cross contamination can happen very easily. Would I be wrong to take my own food for him? None messy things like broccoli pancakes or oat muffins which I make at home for him. I also will be cleaning up his mess as I do at every place we eat at. Most of the time I let him have a little of whatever I’m having but as this is a buffet I’m not risking it.

Does anyone else’s husbands do this?

We have a two year-old little girl and she has always preferred me. Every time that daddy wants to play with her. She says no I want mom and it hurts his feelings every time and he gets really upset and I don’t know what to do to get her to wanna be with him more Because she was doing good for a while and then we moved and now she doesn’t want anything to do with him again is anyone else’s toddlers like this and it’s so stressful because I hate seeing him get hurt because our daughter doesn’t want him.
And it’s hard on me because I’m a stay at home mom and I’m with her 24 seven so I don’t ever get a break because she always wants me And never wants to go with her dad.

Your husband's boss has children similar aged to yours and he invited the family over so us wives and children could meet... How terrified would you be

I've been freaking out