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Baby boy number 2 is 11 days old and ever since I went into hospital to have him, I have had a guilt tugging at my heart about abandoning our first child (3 yo). He’s spent lots of time with his grandparents, aunt & uncle, and friends and of course with his dad, and he seems fairly happy, albeit maybe a bit more sensitive/prone to tears about random things, but on the whole seems to be coping well. But I on the other hand just feel so guilty that I am always breastfeeding the new baby and am majorly sleep deprived and still recovering from c section so I just can’t play or give my oldest the attention he deserves. Anyone else experiencing this?
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Learn more about our guidelines.Hey 👋 I’m experiencing this too. My partner is off for a bit and is taking our little girl (also 3yo) out everyday and I’m at home with our 3 week old. It’s hard as I haven’t been able to do the things I normally do with her and it breaks my heart. It is a big adjustment, her behaviour has definitely become more difficult. Just keep reminding myself it will be hard for us all but they will always have each-other and a day will come when they will play together and be there for each-other and each day we get through gets us closer to that. Recently I’ve managed some one on one time with my toddler and that’s helped me feel better, hoping you will be able to too 🤞We will get through it 😊x
I could have wrote this. I am 9 days PP from a c section which had complications. I was in hospital 3 nights have been sent back twice for different issues.
My oldest is my everything and the guilt I feel leaving her to her grandparents and dad is unreal. As yours, she seems happy enough and loves her dad and grandparents but that doesn’t really make me feel better.
I managed to carve out some time this afternoon to bake a cake with her and will try to fit in small activities together when I can.
The advice I was given is just give them 10 dedicated minutes a day so that they feel loved and involved. Hopefully that’s a manageable amount for them even if we still feel the guilt x
Yes! Was literally discussing this with a friend earlier before crying. I felt it throughout my pregnancy, in hope it would go when baby arrived and it hasn't 😪 my toddler has well adapter. Will get a cuddle in whenever she can between me feeding and doing housework but other than that, she's happy and content. But something is just pulling at me 😰 xx
Yes absolutely I’ve been really upset just feel like I’m constantly feeding the baby and missing bed time or nap time. She’s very affectionate with my husband which of course is wonderful
But not with me now and I just feel so so sad about it all. I miss her so much. Everyone says it’ll pass blah blah but it just feels so crappy. Totally sympathise x
Yeah I am definitely experiencing this too, my toddler is 2.5 yrs old and I have a 3 week old. I am currently recovering from a c-section so haven’t been able to be hands on with my toddler at all and he’s definitely spent way more time with dad due to my recovery and the amount of time I’ve spent breastfeeding etc.
However, I’ve tried to prioritise family outings and doing something special for my toddler that I know he’d enjoy on the days he’s not in nursery, so he doesn’t feel left out. Eg we did a cinema trip recently to see Peppa pig as he loves it. Also I try to include him with the baby and aim to do their bath times together, or get him to ‘read a bedtime story’ to his baby brother when I am feeding.
I also give lots of cuddles when I can.
It’s still not ideal at the moment but getting a bit easier. hope some of these tips help x
Hi this sounds exactly like me and I'm currently 11 days post partum however I was in hospital for a week then had to go back on Wednesday as my baby had been ill with jaundice and iv noticed my 3 yo is being more naughty than normal
Oh my word!!! I literally could have wrote this myself. Recovering from a traumatic birth and episiotomy. And I feel like my first is so distance to me 😭😭
Thank you all for your comments. I am sorry you are also experiencing this and also it helps to know that others are going through the same. @Tabitha we also had to go back into hospital for jaundice so were in hospital for most of baby’s first 8 days. @Katie I am recovering from a c-section too so it sounds like several of you have had really similar experiences. Hope we all find some balance and peace with the process xx
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