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I have a lot on my mind so other married people please give your thoughts. Here is the background. My husband has taken over $20,000 from me and promised to pay me back. Possible narcissistic tendencies but he refuses therapy. He has agreed to couples counseling. He got caught cheating after I just had our first baby boy who is the light of my life. However, I want to leave my husband but I don’t want him to know for a while. I can’t leave because I can’t afford it financially. I plan to hide some savings while my husband racks his debt to me. I’m currently making a postnuptial agreement in my favor in the event of divorce. I want to establish my career and wait till my boy is old enough to almost take care of himself in case I cannot be home whatever that legal age is maybe 13? Younger, if I can get my job before then and afford a sitter. Should I still consider staying if we are able to fix things? I still love my family I built to a degree but it’s put my mental health at an all time low. I don’t want to stay with a cheater but I promised myself I’d never give my baby the broken household I had growing up. Is it even worth trying?
Read more on PeanutThe views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.i’m very much on the once a cheater always a cheater train. is there any way you could leave sooner than 13 years from now? it’s going to be so draining on you to stay that long when you’re already checked out. look into ELC, they help cover the cost of daycares and such
A happy and healthy mom and dad are way more important than staying unhappy to avoid a “broken home.”
Sissy, your son deserves to see two homes if they are better than one! Cheating in the bible is a sin, why would we allow someone to do that to us!
I could probably leave earlier I just need to establish my career first. Might take a few years. Divorce is also pricy sadly. And you’re all right my baby deserves a happy home even if there’s two of them.
It sounds like you've already mentally checked out of this marriage, in which case waiting 13 miserable years to actually leave isn't going to do anyone any good. If you want out you need to get out sooner rather than later, I appreciate this is a bit of a financial nightmare though.
It might be worth having in an initial chat with a solicitor about divorce so you can better prepare yourself for what needs to be done.
Do you have anyone around you that you can reach out to for support? Anyone that could offer some financial aid or put a roof over yours and baby's head so you can leave? X
@Emily sadly we live out of state of both our families. I have checked out I think. I’m just getting by now with crumbs of what used to be.
I too am planning to leave my abusive marriage and I have no idea where to start with it since I'm a stay at home mom and he controls all the money.
You're doing everything right.
I don't believe in "once a cheater always a cheater" because it's a different situation for everybody.
I've cheated in the past and the thought of it now makes me sick to my stomach. People can grow.
However, narcissism is a lifelong disorder that can be managed with therapy, but he needs to actually try.
Even if you work things out eventually, it's still a good idea to have a temporary separation.
The space will show you if he wants to work on things or just wants you around because it benefits him.
@Star thank you for the perspective from ur side!