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So I drove back from the in-laws last night, got home, everything was fine, gave little man a yogurt before bed and we went up after. It was already past his usual bedtime and coming close to my bedtime, I was trying to get him to sleep by doing our usual humming or holding his hand and anyway it was getting close to an hour where he wasn’t asleep yet, I could feel myself getting more and more tired and my patience growing thin especially thinking about how much I had to do before I could go to bed myself to prepare for the next day type of thing. I had loads to do, I was overthinking about everything else that was going on, I was stressing in the back of my mind about it being past my bedtime (think I have possible ADHD/Autism so routine is 👌🏻) and anyway kiddo kept wanting to touch me like pulling my face closer and wanting to hold my hand… I could feel myself getting overwhelmed and I didn’t want to be touched and I felt like my I needed to get out of my own skin and hide, get away. Anyway I pushed my toddler away and kept shoving his hand away saying ‘no, please go to sleep!’ It happened a few times while I had a meltdown… then I realised how awful that must make my baby feel, his mummy pushing him away when he just wanted comfort so i sobbed and a sobbed and his little heart bless him, he comforted me by giving me a cuddle. The guilt is killing me, by this time my partner had seen it all on the monitor and messaged me saying ‘you’re upsetting me, why won’t you hum for him? I’m setting off’ (he was staying back at his parents 2 hours away). I eventually called him back after cuddling kiddo back to sleep and apologising, saying ‘it’s fine, I’ve had a cry and apologised to him and eventually got him to sleep you don’t need to set off’ he’d already done so and said on the phone while crying ‘I’ve never seen you so cold with him, he just wanted to hold your hand and cuddle, I should’ve been there to help you so you didn’t have your meltdown’
But I suppose after it all and having about 3 breakdowns feeling like the worst mum in the world, him coming home to me cuddling baby to sleep, I’m trying to figure out if I am actually a heartless bitch who couldn’t deal with her baby and needs help or if this is sometimes normal for overwhelmed mums… I can’t stop thinking about it and the guilt is crushing me.
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.You’re not the worst mom in the world. You’re human and you have feeling too.
Overstimulation is a thing and we mums experience this first hand.
Your partner shouldn’t guilty trip about this, if he saw it all on the baby phone instead of leaving he should’ve helped by taking over so you could calm down.
You’ll be okay and your little one too, and again WE ALL HAVE STRONG FEELINGS , you’re doing great 🫶