Physically and emotionally it was the worst experience of my life. Second pregnancy was going amazing. Husband and I went to an appointment and within seconds I realized there was no longer a heartbeat. My poor husband didn’t know. He was ‘oohing and awwing’ over the growth and new features. He had no clue. The doctor pulled out and broke the news. My husband was in shock. Heartbroken. I was in shock. It all happened so fast. When we had a moment to ourselves he asked ‘Did she even look around for the heartbeat? Is she sure?’ My heart broke. Within 10 hours, I was having an emergency D&C. It was tough. I woke up hysterically crying as the anesthesia wore off. Prior to the D&C, we had to make the arrangements for our baby which I was not expecting but in our state, every life matters. Here we are now, 4 weeks from the procedure. Luckily we have a doctor that is just as curious as to why I’ve had 2 miscarriages under 30 years old. Waiting on all of the test results is killing me. It’s 4:30am. I slept 2 hours last night which is more than I have been. I saw an add for ‘Peanut’ and figured I have nothing left to lose. I know I’m not the only person out there going through something like this and hate the pitty party. We never shared either pregnancy until Christmas. After a significant loss with my SIL at 20 weeks, I didn’t want to share until 30 weeks. Around Christmas, we shared our blessings and losses socially. I was sick of wondering who knew, who didn’t. It was the hardest yet most relieving thing I’ve ever done. But yet here I am. Still struggling. About to snap with the anxiety of waiting.