Trying To Conceive
  • B
  • 8 months ago

Breaking the 12 week rule

The expectation in society is to remain silent in early pregnancy to ‘keep it to yourself incase something goes wrong’. Up to one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage- so common yet no one talks about it, most likely because it happened within the first 12 weeks before you’re ‘allowed’ to tell anyone. Personally I now understand the emotional heartache of women that have experienced miscarriage. In the last 6 months I have felt sadness, anger, hope, helplessness and at times overwhelming shame. There are days that I hate my body for betraying me. Now a serial betrayal, where I have not only lost more than one pregnancy but also the best chances of being able to conceive again. Anyone else that has experienced an ectopic pregnancy understands that emergency surgery is often involved and not only do you leave the hospital no longer pregnant, but you also have to recover from the loss of parts of yourself which then affects your ability to conceive. After being thoughtful about whether or not this was something I wanted to share; I’m done with feeling shame. I know that there should be no feeling of shame related to pregnancy loss although the ‘12 week rule’ of women being encouraged not to talk about it, as if somehow it matters less until the 12th week, hasn’t helped me feel that way. Miscarriage before 12 weeks doesn’t make it any less of a ‘real’ pregnancy. You have still lost the future you planned with that baby and there are no words to describe that. And honestly whether you have kept it to yourself or not- it’s not going to lessen your grief. I understand that some may want to keep their journey private and that comes down to personal choice. However, regardless of the stage of pregnancy, if you want to tell people then do it and let them support you. Fuck the 12 week rule. For any woman who this has happened to, is happening to, or may happen to in the future. You are not alone ❤️
  • H
  • 8 months ago

I can see this is an old post but it just came up as something I might be interested in. 💯 FUCK THE 12 WEEK RULE!!!! Women should not feel shamed into hiding their grief and their pain, and that is exactly what the 12 week rule does. We should be encouraging women to reach out and get support from the millions of other women who have been through the same. Baby loss is not a nice subject but if society keeps it as a taboo subject we are failing so many women.

  • H
  • 8 months ago

Btw my loss could not be kept hidden as I lost our son at 26 weeks pregnant. But I speak in solidarity with those who have had early losses and yet feel they can’t speak out because of this shitty 12 week tradition. A loss is a loss and you are allowed to grieve for your baby at any stage x

  • A
  • about 1 year ago

Agreed all around. Also part of the ectopic club, which resulted in a lost tube. I hadn’t told anyone ab the pregnancy, but did tell pretty much everyone when I explaining why I had last minute emergency surgery. It was the worse experience of my life. I’m lucky to be pregnant now (had to do IVF), but it was a long and lonely road. I had so much hate for my body for not being able to do what came so easily for others, for not being able to just work harder to “fix it.” Sending lots of love and strength to all of you fabulous ladies

  • G
  • over 1 year ago

In 2008...I was finally pregnant after multiple miscarriages...i was 9 weeks along and went to the doctor to hear the babies heart for the 1st time...only to find out the baby was in my left fallopian tube. I had to have emergency surgery right away and was told how lucky i was it didnt bursg and how rare it was for me to be that far along with the fetus in my tube. I lost my entire left fallopian tube and thought i would never ever be able to concieve again. Fast fwd to 2015...i met the love of my life after being divorced a couple of years and i got pregnant!! My son is now 4 years old. There is always hope. I have been there. Ive been bitter...angry...ashamed..depressed. But hang on and be strong. To any women struggling!! Much 💜!

  • H
  • over 1 year ago

Thankyou for saying that ... i suffered an ectopic pregnancy in October and it was the worst pain / heart ache ever , I got the chance to feel joy n love like no other and pain n heart break in the matter of 5 days ... All alone because no one in my family knew only my mom to comfort me.. Now 4 months later Im on my TTC journey and currently filled with anxiety n panic because im 6days late with no positive and it sucks ... i feel anger , emotional , scared and Vulnerable because Not everyone can relate to what im feeling

  • E
  • over 1 year ago

I agree. I feel like the twelve week rule negates everything I stand for as someone who is pro-life. I understand this may not be the reasoning for others, but for me, after experiencing an early loss before each of my successful pregnancies, I feel that waiting until 12 weeks to tell anyone about it minimizes the life of the child that you are carrying. If, as I believe, that child has a soul from conception, then I should be able to grieve the loss of that child, without having to hide it from my close family just because it happened before they were a certain gestational age. However, for those who find it more difficult to share their sorrow with others, I can see how it would be helpful to wait in order to avoid the added pain. I suppose it depends on how you best deal with emotional struggles.

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