The expectation in society is to remain silent in early pregnancy to ‘keep it to yourself incase something goes wrong’. Up to one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage- so common yet no one talks about it, most likely because it happened within the first 12 weeks before you’re ‘allowed’ to tell anyone.
Personally I now understand the emotional heartache of women that have experienced miscarriage. In the last 6 months I have felt sadness, anger, hope, helplessness and at times overwhelming shame. There are days that I hate my body for betraying me. Now a serial betrayal, where I have not only lost more than one pregnancy but also the best chances of being able to conceive again.
Anyone else that has experienced an ectopic pregnancy understands that emergency surgery is often involved and not only do you leave the hospital no longer pregnant, but you also have to recover from the loss of parts of yourself which then affects your ability to conceive.
After being thoughtful about whether or not this was something I wanted to share; I’m done with feeling shame.
I know that there should be no feeling of shame related to pregnancy loss although the ‘12 week rule’ of women being encouraged not to talk about it, as if somehow it matters less until the 12th week, hasn’t helped me feel that way.
Miscarriage before 12 weeks doesn’t make it any less of a ‘real’ pregnancy. You have still lost the future you planned with that baby and there are no words to describe that.
And honestly whether you have kept it to yourself or not- it’s not going to lessen your grief.
I understand that some may want to keep their journey private and that comes down to personal choice.
However, regardless of the stage of pregnancy, if you want to tell people then do it and let them support you.
Fuck the 12 week rule.
For any woman who this has happened to, is happening to, or may happen to in the future.
You are not alone ❤️