Breaking the 12 week rule

I waited only because in my head every person I tell would be a person I have to tell if god forbid I miscarried. The idea of going thru having to tell so many people and feeling that emotionally over and over is what made me wait. People cope differently and people should do whatever works for them so you’re right they shouldn’t wait because society said so.

🙌🏻 THANK YOUUUU!!! Yes! I got pregnant and everyone told me not to speak up before 3 months. I told whoever I wanted to. Because I wanted to!! When I lost the baby, I realized why people told me to not say anything. Every time i have to go into work and explain it to one more damn person, it’s like I die a little inside. But at the end of the day, I stand by what I wanted in the moment. And if I choose to do it again, I’ll damn well do what I feel like! I’m so sick of getting the side eye or the dreaded “😬” face. Fuck 👏🏻 the 👏🏻12 👏🏻week 👏🏻rule👏🏻! Yes!

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Well said! Haha!

I told people I was pregnant as soon as I got a positive, so basically 4 weeks. If you want to keep it to yourself that’s your choice but I never saw a reason. You can lose a baby up until & during birth. It’s not guaranteed so I am going to celebrate while I can.

I think the 12 week rule should be taken quite loosely. Its there for the women who would rather not explain to their entire family and friends what happened over and over again, But if you choose to reveal before hand power to you. I did! and i don’t regret it At any stage in pregnancy anything could happen.

Thank you 🙏🏽 needed that today

I’m telling everyone immediately if we manage it again. I realise this is a personal decision for each person but I can’t quietly go through a miscarriage again, pretending everything is perfect with the world and having to be cheerful at all times.

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I agree with you completely! It’s so much less isolating when you don’t have to hide it. When I miscarried, my boss was being so rude to me and one day in particular I was having a bad day dealing with it all... he took one look at me and says “don’t you look worse for the wear” and I had just had enough so I said “leave me alone, I had a miscarriage and I’m having a hard time today”. His demeanor changed completely and I just felt so much more understood. Found out later that he had gone through the same thing with his wife.

When I’ve been honest about what I’ve been through it’s been quite overwhelming how many people have gone through something similar or know someone close to them. Miscarriage just seems such a taboo subject & it shouldn’t be.

We waited till our first scan, but I had told people before then, personally it didn't feel real till the first scan, but I think you should be able to tell people when ever you want. Pregnancy is amazing and even if does end in something so heartbreaking I think telling people let's them know what's going on emotionally. If that makes sense

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I also told my mum as soon as positive came up on the test, I think she was the only person I told till the scan

Im so sorry momma dont lose hope, keep praying xoxoxo

It's tough. I lost a pregnancy at 21 weeks. I previously waited 14 weeks, if I get pregnant again, I will hold off telling people as long as possible because I don't want to have to explain the loss again and again. That's just me. No shame, just don't need to relive it.

I'm about 6 weeks and we've told 35 people so far (our parents, our siblings + partners and kids, our closest friends, some family friends and my work colleagues) My mum complained we've told too many people because "what if something goes wrong"... If something goes wrong then I have a lot of people to go to for support. I won't have to pretend I'm fine when I'm not. And right now, although things are okay I don't have to pretend I'm not worried or nauseous or inexplicably emotional 🤷‍♀️ I'm not going to hide my excitement right now to save a few other people an awkward conversation. I hate that these things are hidden and taboo when it's a natural part of life!

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Good for you ❤️

I was actually in hospital over new year thinking we had an ectopic pregnancy. And it was at that point that I wanted to tell everyone. It sucked being in hospital possibly pregnant or possibly not with no one to talk to about it. I think breaking the 12 week rule allows for a flood of support which wouldn't be there otherwise x

I had an ectopic and although I didn’t have to have surgery I did have to take chemo meds and that stuff is brutal. It took me a month to have my stamina back idk what I would have done without support. This time my husband wants to wait the 12 weeks and I’m like nah I’ll let people know as soon as I see a normal scan.

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I’m pregnant right now and they’ll scan as soon as my hcg is over 2,000. It should be before 6weeks as it was 300 at 4w2d.

I had to have my left tube removed ☹️After my ectopic they said my next pregnancy I’ll be scanned at 6 weeks. Are you the same?

After my miscarriage we actually ended up telling some people about it before we had planned to share the pregnancy just so they would know what we were going through. And at that point I kind of just wished we had shared our news earlier rather than starting the story with the loss. But also some of the people who we did tell (mainly family) made some comments which were not helpful and I question if I would want to share my story with them again... such a tough thing and I’m sorry you’re going through this ❤️

My first pregnancy through IVF I sort of shared and got excited about and that ended at about 6 weeks. My second round was twins and I waited the 12 weeks but still had they in the 23rd week. Lost a twin but my surviving twin is now 8. My last pregnancy (a suprise) I chose to enjoy every bit of it (after the shock wore off) no matter the outcome because everyday should be celebrated because you never know what could happen. I had him at 25 weeks. Hes now 10 months. So as you can see I've been through it all. I feel it's better to be in the moment rather than hide in worry.

I didn’t go public until 16 weeks I wanted to know my baby was healthy before I shared the news, If I was dealing with some complications I would like time to get my head around before sharing it, everyone is different so you should be free to tell whenever you feel right for the Moma as is your baby and baby.

I am so sorry for your loss 💗 I have a friend that went through the same thing and now has two precious boys. Don’t give up hope 🌈

I told my first at 6 weeks in case anything goes wrong

We told our family at seven weeks, and our friends from nine weeks. They are people we would want to know if something went wrong from now, so it made sense to us. Like hell would I want to stay quiet if I was going through something awful!

My SO and I plan to keep the news to ourselves for a couple of weeks so we can take it all in. But I will be telling a friend that has been with me through this TTC journey right away. I don't believe in the 12 week rule because if something happens you then suffer in silence.

My first pregnancy, I lost very early on >6weeks. I had gotten a posotive pregnancy test a week before miscarrying. I hadn't even told the guy I was with until the day before I miscarried. So on my second pregnancy I broke all the rules (posted tge day after getting my positive pregnancy test, bought clothes and stuff "to early",named them "to early", etc.) my SIL swore I was gonna cause a miscarriage by doing so, but I wanted to be able to celebrate my little rainbow. I posted at 5 weeks and kept posting because I wanted to celebrate the life growing inside of me. She is now almost 3 months and has always been proving everyone wrong ❤🌈

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Cause a miscarriage?🤦‍♀️ what a silly thing to say

Exactly!!! 🙄

I suffered with a miscarriage last week at 8 weeks, we had told quite a few people. I don’t regret it but me and my partner have agreed that next time we will wait till 12 weeks as it’s too heartbreaking dealing with the miscarriage aswell as explaining what’s happened to people x

I definitely dont believe in the 12 week rule, but absolutely believe is sharing the news when you're ready. And with who you're ready to share.

This brought me to tears. I had my ectopic rupture last June. I’m now 6 weeks and have told close friends and my parents. I want to shout it to the world while my husband wants to wait.

I am originally from Hungary. I don't think my culture is much different, yet I've never heard of th '12 weeks rule' before moving to England 12 years ago. It is actually quite diffusing, you are pregnant, the most amazing journey of your life is ahead of you and yet they say 'yeah, but you better keep it to yourself for a while'. What? I wanted to tell everyone! I agree, it is a personal choice, but it just felt like a bucket of cold water has been thrown on my head. I thought 'Why not tell anyone?' I am pregnant. Yes, it's true a lot of pregnancies sadly end before the 12 weeks mark, but should we really focus on this negative statistic? What about marriages? Should I not tell for the first few years that I am married and feel happy because we all know a huge percent of marriages go down the drain?! That's ridiculous. If you want to tell, tell. Tell your mum, your best friend, your hairdresser, the shopkeeper....whoever u wish. This is the most exciting part, and u need the most support😊

God bless you and much love, girl. I told those closest to me and I was waiting to make it public. Reason being I have PCOS and I’m more susceptible to having a miscarriage, granted the hardest part is getting pregnant, but then we found out I have hypothyroidism too. Another ding to high risk pregnancy. Anyway, I miscarried a week ago. I was 6wks and 5 days. I still feel like my baby was a baby and it still hurts just as much. Few days ago one of my supervisors who was pregnant same time as me, our due dates 4 days apart lost her babies. She did IVF, because of her endometriosis and she was super happy. I’m going through this and now her. Sad that we were both talking about our pregnancies and planning together and now it’s like fuck. We have to go back to work and some people knew we were both pregnant and now it’s like well now we both miscarried, fuccck. I agree with the betrayal of your body. I hated mine and now I’m learning to love it again. We’ll see what happens with getting

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Pregnant again. Doc said we can try again as soon as I start ovulating again. But like you mentioned the possibility of not conceiving again or it taking a long while. I’ve thought about that before and it makes me anxious, and sad, but in time we’ll see what happens ♥️

I recently lost my baby in December at 8 weeks! It was awful and I did take the plunge to announce the miscarriage in a post on Instagram for your same reason! I had so many people message me to thank me for being so open x

The 12 week rule is rubbish. There is no safe zone regarding pregnancy. I told people at 6 weeks when I began bleeding mainly because I had to tell work due to the bleeding and I didn't want them knowing and not family. Once I hit 12 weeks I told a few more close friends but then at 16 weeks I lost my boy. Was so hard having to explain to others what happened. I made the big decision a couple of months later to share my story on facebook. (I've always said my pregnancy would never go on fb) and I was amazed by the support and I even had friends message telling me they have lost a baby and only them and their partners know so it encouraged them to discuss the loss with others. They felt like they shouldn't talk about their child because they were so early. I was lucky I had support through my loss, noone should have to go through it alone no matter how many weeks you are. So tell people when you are ready, if you want to tell people at 4 weeks do it ,if u want to wait until you have a bump do it.

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So sorry about your little boy. We lost our son at 26 weeks. There is no safe zone unfortunately 😔

Being part of the miscarriage club when you talk about it you find out how many people are there with you me and my cousin in-law went throw it together and now my sister had one and when my cousin in-law had hers and she told her mom she found out her mom had one it’s a lot to go throw it on your own I know it’s a choice but for me I still choose to tell people even though sometimes I wish some people knew what not too say

I agree. I feel like the twelve week rule negates everything I stand for as someone who is pro-life. I understand this may not be the reasoning for others, but for me, after experiencing an early loss before each of my successful pregnancies, I feel that waiting until 12 weeks to tell anyone about it minimizes the life of the child that you are carrying. If, as I believe, that child has a soul from conception, then I should be able to grieve the loss of that child, without having to hide it from my close family just because it happened before they were a certain gestational age. However, for those who find it more difficult to share their sorrow with others, I can see how it would be helpful to wait in order to avoid the added pain. I suppose it depends on how you best deal with emotional struggles.

Thankyou for saying that ... i suffered an ectopic pregnancy in October and it was the worst pain / heart ache ever , I got the chance to feel joy n love like no other and pain n heart break in the matter of 5 days ... All alone because no one in my family knew only my mom to comfort me.. Now 4 months later Im on my TTC journey and currently filled with anxiety n panic because im 6days late with no positive and it sucks ... i feel anger , emotional , scared and Vulnerable because Not everyone can relate to what im feeling

In 2008...I was finally pregnant after multiple miscarriages...i was 9 weeks along and went to the doctor to hear the babies heart for the 1st time...only to find out the baby was in my left fallopian tube. I had to have emergency surgery right away and was told how lucky i was it didnt bursg and how rare it was for me to be that far along with the fetus in my tube. I lost my entire left fallopian tube and thought i would never ever be able to concieve again. Fast fwd to 2015...i met the love of my life after being divorced a couple of years and i got pregnant!! My son is now 4 years old. There is always hope. I have been there. Ive been bitter...angry...ashamed..depressed. But hang on and be strong. To any women struggling!! Much 💜!

Agreed all around. Also part of the ectopic club, which resulted in a lost tube. I hadn’t told anyone ab the pregnancy, but did tell pretty much everyone when I explaining why I had last minute emergency surgery. It was the worse experience of my life. I’m lucky to be pregnant now (had to do IVF), but it was a long and lonely road. I had so much hate for my body for not being able to do what came so easily for others, for not being able to just work harder to “fix it.” Sending lots of love and strength to all of you fabulous ladies

I can see this is an old post but it just came up as something I might be interested in. 💯 FUCK THE 12 WEEK RULE!!!! Women should not feel shamed into hiding their grief and their pain, and that is exactly what the 12 week rule does. We should be encouraging women to reach out and get support from the millions of other women who have been through the same. Baby loss is not a nice subject but if society keeps it as a taboo subject we are failing so many women.

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Btw my loss could not be kept hidden as I lost our son at 26 weeks pregnant. But I speak in solidarity with those who have had early losses and yet feel they can’t speak out because of this shitty 12 week tradition. A loss is a loss and you are allowed to grieve for your baby at any stage x

I completely agree!!

👏🏽🥂🙌🏽

I honestly understand your point. I went for an early scan cos I thought how can I carry on not knowing if things are fine or if baby is growing in the right position. Scans should be Available for free before 12 weeks! They are important also before the 12 week mark 🙌🏾

♥️💙