Successful Co-parenting?

The Gray rock method really works for me. Whenever my ex doesn’t get what he wants, he will call me names. He has learned that if he resorts to that, I don’t communicate back. This has shown him to get a response, he must be civil.

I pick my battles. Is my child going to be seriously injured or legitimately psychologically harmed? If no, it’s not my place to say anything. I don’t tell the other parent how to parent - no nitpicking. My oldest two kiddos are with their respective fathers and they parent in their own way, which is different from how I parent. I can’t control what they do at their homes, so attempting to do so will only create stress and be detrimental to civility. I choose my words and speak kindly. I offer help when I can and be flexible for schedule changes and impromptu kid things. I remain understanding of these changes and don’t throw fits. If I’m upset with them, I move on. I don’t respond angrily if they are angry with me, but rather with understanding and validation of their grievances - fighting fire with water. I treat them like a friend and entertain conversations outside of kid stuff. I tell them “Thank you for being a good father.” I remain agreeable to reasonable things.

1 reply

U sound exactly like myself, my older three boys live with their father as I didn’t want massive disruptions in schooling and so on, but we are all really good friends and everyone is happy, except our partners both struggle with our friendship as they don’t speak at all to their ex’s I think they find it hard to understand but we see how happy it makes our children and how everything is done with ease and no one misses out on anything. Treat each other with respect because after all u are going to be in each others lives a long time.

I have been coparenting my 17month old since she was born. Her father and I are cordial and only really talk when it comes to her. We are not always on the same page but we respect eachothers differences in opinion and compromise when needed. Ie. He is vegan and I am not so it was agreed she would be allowed to choose when she is older and for now we feed her our respective diet. Both of our familes don't live in town so we remain flexible for when family is visiting or when we are traveling to see them. We split everything 50/50 (time, diapers, daycare, clothes, etc.). We are always reasonable with eachother and just give eachother a headsup for any big life changes that will affect our daughter like moving, new relationship, moving in with someone, marriage, etc. The key is to just respect the other person and understand your differences in values and parenting styles.

A lot of communication! If there is no communication it doesn't matter what else you do it will not work. trust me!

2 replies

Except if they are toxic people. Then the least amount of communication possible is the only solution.

I agree

My ex and I broke up when our first son was 3 weeks old, before that we were together for almost 4 years and suddenly it wasn’t the same. We argued and hated each other and finally... a year later we realized it wasn’t going anywhere good and we both swallowed our pride and haven’t argued about a thing since. Our son is now 5, I’m engaged to another man who I have 2 girls with and we talk all the time. My fiancé never minds. My ex and I will talk about school, and what my son did throughout our split days and so on. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to co parent with! I honestly thought we’d never see this point in the beginning but once you put your feelings aside and focus on your child, it’s easier for everyone

Mine is a narcissistic asshole to be honest. He only wants the baby when he’s got an audience to entertain, impress and validate himself. Any conversation with him is a promotional opportunity. I’ve tried the “hold my tongue”, block his number when he’s insulting, tried to “let it slide “. He’s just simply bipolar. One minute he’s great and dotting, and the next he’s aggressive, irrational and irresponsible. Going nuts trying to make sense out of nonsense. It’s draining. Violates court order and gets away with it. It’s really sad. I try to deescalate situations especially when baby is around but they sense when we r stressed out and that’s the worst part.

2 replies

Story of my life 🙄🤯

Here here sister

The guy I was with broke it off with me when I was 2 months pregnant "I dont want to be with you, I never wanted to be with you, I just want to be a father". Those words are forever burning and they will never heal. I spent the rest of my pregnancy writing in a journal that if someone found and read... well, it's not pretty. He did nothing but fight and argue and do anything he could to twist the knife a little more. Total two faced piece of work. But here we are, my boy is 1 and a half now, I'm married and I've leveled out so to speak. Pretty sure I'm deeply disturbed still. I do all the work in the co-parenting. He never once contributed or asked any questions or anything. It makes me worry about my son when he goes for visitation but there is little I can do. I just remain cordial, polite and informative. How can I do this after what has happened? You have to. Look at your baby and do what needs to be done and know they're beyond worth it. Bite your tongue, smile, wave.

3 replies

Then someone wrote us shit parts ;p

This is exactly what happened to me... It's like someone wrote my life for me. Hang in there, momma. ❤️

My son just graduated and turned 18. His dad and I separated when he was 7 and officially divorced when he was 9. I’m not going to lie. I hated him and everything he did, but after I realized that we had a long road ahead of us to raise our son it was best to do what was right for him. We never had official visitation. If our son needed extra time with me he got that and the same with his dad. We went to every school event and sports game. Never did the child support thing either. I learned early to rely on myself. If I needed something I would let him know and he would help. Looking back now it was hard but I know it was the right thing to do. My son is very intelligent and funny and exactly how I dreamed he would turn out. I never once bad mouthed his dad to him either. Eventually he figured it out for himself. I’m not saying it was always smooth sailing, but after 9+ years of arguing and tears I wasn’t going to do another 10 years. You have to find a path that work for you and your family.