• Michelle
  • ENG, GB
  • a year ago

Big boys don’t cry, be a good girl 🤦‍♀️

Are there any phrases which your parents used to say to you which you now find yourself using and feel badly about? I caught myself saying “big boys don’t cry” the other say, and immediately felt upset that I’d used such a horrible gender specific cliche. Tell me some others to watch out for!...
  • M
  • Pueblo, United States
  • 5 months ago

Boys who aren't allowed to cry grow up to be men who can't comfortably express emotions other than anger 😢 I'm glad to see so many moms recognizing these ingrained things and working to change. I have a daughter and I catch myself telling her that I have to clean or cook because it's a "moms job" which is problematic. I'm also working to get rid of "you're okay/that's enough" as a response to certain crying episodes as I think it's really healthiest to let her have and echoes her emotions (without getting wrapped up in them myself).

  • L
  • 5 months ago

We need to teach our kids to be kind and sympathetic but not so sensitive and easily offended. Reading these comments has me like 🤦🏼‍♀️ We don’t want to raise weak kids, we want strong level headed people.

  • H
  • Escalon, United States
  • 9 months ago

In our family we say cowboys and cowgirls don’t cry.. it’s not necessarily gender specific.. so i don’t see anything wrong with it

  • L
  • Phoenix, United States
  • 9 months ago

I found that I don’t like saying “You’re okay!” or “It’s okay!”, when it clearly wasn’t okay.

  • E
  • Prince George, United States
  • 8 months ago

I like “shake it off” when the kiddo is hurt. Then we’re both shaking whatever body part got hurt and they start laughing (especially when my daughter bit her tongue and we are trying to shake our tongues in the air). It diffuses the situation without invalidating the fact that they did get hurt.

  • R
  • OH, US
  • 9 months ago

I saw this sort of poster the other day with suggestions for other things to say. https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/av3ww1/what_i_try_to_think_about_when_my_boy_is_crying/

  • S
  • ID, US
  • a year ago

Ugh 😑 nothing wrong with gender standards so many weak men in this generation. I will encourage my children to express emotions when it’s appropriate “you’re fish died? Son it’s ok you can cry” “you fell and no scratch?” “Toughen up you’re ok son!” Girls are more sensitive but will take similar approach also there’s a way to be a lady in certain situations I’m traditional there’s nothing wrong with social genders we don’t have enough ladies either.

  • S
  • ID, US
  • a year ago

That’s exactly my whole motto that you just explained I don’t know if this makes me progressive without realizing it but my daughter she’s a girly little princess but every time she trips bumps her self I look st her if she’s not crying I don’t say anything I assume all is well if she reacts I rarely ever pick her up depending on severity I usually say you ok?? She usually giggles it off and acts her usual self I know a 4 year old girl that easily bumps herself and no it’s not a hard bump and she runs away crying her heart out...not sure if it’s my parenting style or if my daughter is just naturally tough...but yea ever since she was a crawler little accidents I brushed off and so did she 🤔

  • R
  • OH, US
  • a year ago

Sure. There may be times when x level of emotion isn't a "reasonable" response to a situation. But I think the point of this thread is that simply telling your children what their response should be doesn't help them figure out and develop healthy emotional responses. We all overreact sometimes. Maybe he fell and isn't hurt, but he was momentarily scared and needs a minute to adjust. Maybe he would "toughen up" simply by being asked if he's ok and realizing he is instead of being told he's not tough enough.

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