• E
  • Canyonville, United States
  • over 1 year ago

How do I do it all?

I am having trouble figuring out how to make time for myself for even just basic of self care. My son is 4 months old and I know it is more difficult in the beginning, but I wonder how other mommy’s manage it or what tricks you have. My husband is almost never home. I take care of all of the housework, animals, the care of our son, and basically any grocery shopping, appointments, bill paying etc. on top of that I am completing a masters program. It is a lot. Sometimes more than I can manage. It has made it very challenging to find time wash my face or shower or breathe. I have to find a convenient time for my husband for me to shower. I have asked for his help and I have asked for family to come and watch him for an hour while I do housework. This in itself is a great challenge because I hate asking for help because I don’t want to be let down. I am a teacher so I won’t be home for much longer and I can’t imagine how I will be able to manage all of this on top of my full time job. I am just feeling rather hopeless and lost for what to do.
  • C
  • New Cumberland, United States
  • over 1 year ago

You’ll fall into it all soon. Having one little is the easiest season of motherhood you’ll get for a while, and eventually you’ll back and see how awesome you did. Stop having expectations and thinking society expects something specific of you, let it go. Also remember that although it’s important your little one fits into your life, not the other way around, it is still an adjustment to getting used to being flexible and finding a new way to do things. Again, throw away expectations NOW. Trying to be exactly who/how you are before becoming a mom isn’t fair to anyone, but finding an updated you and a new jam to follow is important here. I’ve been in some pretty intense seasons of solo motherhood with one, two, and three littles, so trust me when I say that you just need to step back and reevaluate how realistic your expectations are for this season of learning to be a new mom.

  • A
  • Halifax, Canada
  • over 1 year ago

Wow that’s a crazy amount to manage! If you can afford it get a housekeeper. If you can’t- lower your standards a little. I wouldn’t be able to do all that plus a full time job! Baby wearing did help me get more done but I’m in Canada and we have 1 year maternity leave so I just had to do the stuff you mentioned without the masters part. Coming back to work I had to lower my standards of the housekeeping & get my husband to do more of it. We try to get something done for 15-20 minutes every evening once baby is in bed before we crash. I meal plan & prep one night a week and take advantage of my lunch breaks at work to meal plan. You can order lots online now for groceries, etc so I do that on my lunch to save time. Good luck and honestly get your husband to step up and take equal part in the home keeping/ pets/ childcare if you are working full time, it’s only fair!

  • M
  • Barrie, Canada
  • almost 2 years ago

I was feeling the same in the beginning. My son is now 6 1/2 Months he’s always been a super easy baby (mostly) taking a shower if I really needed to (bec my bf is also not home often and I don’t wanna shower at 10pm) I would put him in his bouncy chair and have him in the washroom with me. And play peek-a-boo to keep him entertained. Cleaning I made a list and do a little each day while he’s napping or I put him in his excersaucer. I also need to have everything done a certain way and my way but I learned to not be so upset if the house is a little messy. I take my time and do things when I can. Eventually you get into a routine. Your doing a great job !!! You definitely need time for yourself. Keep that in mind.

  • L
  • Savannah, United States
  • over 1 year ago

It is ok to feel overwhelmed. It takes time to adjust and to find a rhythm that works for your family. My advice is to be patient with yourself and your husband. I went through something similar. I had 2 babies while we both worked on our PhD, with no family in town. Then I had my younger two, after I graduated. I am actually more efficient now with 4 kids and working full time than when I had two. It takes time to perfect a routine. I read the book Flylady and saved my house and my marriage. I choose to serve and to love my family by doing things without complaining. My youngest is 3 and my oldest is 13. The newborn days are hard. It can get better. I went through a phase after I had my second one where I was so resentful of my husband that I thought about divorcing him. I read the book The Power of a praying wife. It talked about praying for your husband’s wife to have a good attitude, among many other things. Having the right attitude makes all the difference.

  • K
  • Columbus, United States
  • almost 2 years ago

First of all you’re amazing! I know exactly how you feel about not wanting to ask for help because you don’t want to be let down when it’s not done the way you like. It’s really really really helpful to find a way to accept that no one is going to do it exactly how you want it but you and YOU need a break so accept the help as it is. Be specific with family members and set goals and expectations for your husband. It’s just as much his household as it is your and he should definitely be contributing in a away that creates equity and equality! And also at least once a week ask your family members for help and LEAVE and go do something for yourself (read a book, get your nails done) self care is SO important to mental well-being. But most of all know that you are amazing!

  • S
  • San Antonio, United States
  • almost 2 years ago

Oh my goodness I wish I was there to give you a break😭😭😭I relate to this so much.luckily my mom lives down the road she has saved me from some meltdowns! You need to take care of yourself!❤️ you sound like an amazing mom and if you wanna give your baby and kids at school 100%everyday you need to take care and recharge yourself for them❤️ even if it means grading papers in a bath tub (also 🍷) you can do it!!! I think everybody on here has felt as hopeless as you feel right now I know I have... hugs mama

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