For moms of black or biracial or mixed children...

All three of my girls are biracial.. I’m mexican && white. Then my oldest daughter’s father is black && filipino and my two youngest (still pregnant with my third daughter) their father is black && Indian.. I just had to have a talk with my oldest who just turned nine this year, I drove her through down town, the day after the protests to show her the damage as well as the community cleaning it up the day after together. I asked her “you know there are good and bad people right?” She said “yes”. I said “well baby the other day a bad cop murdered a black man by making him not be able to breathe” && she was silent. I then continued “you see people got very upset and wanted to show that mans family that they are heart broken with them, some in better ways then others.. but we are all human and sometimes we do not know how to show how we are feeling in the best way.. I want you to know you are perfect in every way && you have the right to live just as anyone else. &&

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Wow. Thank you for sharing 🙏

You love everyone for who they are and stand up for what you believe in. I am telling you this cause you are loving through history right now && it is important for you to know. But do not be scared of white people, black people or the police.. okay?” She said “okay mommy I will try my very best not to be okay?” Broke my heart but I believe she needed to hear it from me and not anyone else && she uses the internet so I didn’t want her to see it there either

I come from a mixed background and now that I have a daughter she is multiracial as well. She is a lot lighter complected than I am and my plans were geared to buying a few books that explain the differences of cultures and race. I do want her to learn and embrace all of what makes her who she is and to be proud of it. She does love when I read to her and the illustrations are a great plus to give her a sense of idea that we come in many different shades, cultures and backgrounds. She just turned a year old, but it’s never too early to create a space of knowing and being aware.

My son is too young right now to understand what's going on, so we just read books on inclusiveness, but my husband and I talked about what will say as he ages.

My kid just turned three and she’s speech delayed so we’re not really able to have any type of conservations yet. I think I’ll just let her know that not everyone falls into stereotypes/they’re not always correct/you can’t lump all people of one kind together. And also let her know that spreading love works better than spreading hate. And just try to teach her about equality and respect for others.

My daughter is too young now but I will be buying books for her to learn about her culture. She is mixed, and is white passing to a t. Brown hair, blue eyes. I've been asked if I'm the nanny! I will not be feeding into the ignorance and hate but enlightening my daughter on how everyone should have the same morals and values about other human beings. No matter the color of their skin. However, I will also have her use her undeniable privilege to speak up. Just like her mama!

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How do you respond to a question like that? Am expecting a biracial baby and want to be prepared on how to face such situations, thank you

Oh...well I was taken aback. I said excuse me? I'm not the nanny and this is my daughter but thanks so much! Another asked if she was mine straight up. I responded yes she is mine, do you need to see my c section scar? It is actually infuriating. So when they say ignorant things, I give ignorant answers.

My biracial daughter is almost 3. I haven’t yet had a conversation about racial bias and racism, however I have been very strict with a few rules that I doubt I’d have to worry as much if I had a full white child. Like don’t walk through people’s yards for instance. I will have a talk one day but I’m truly not sure what the best age is and following for guidance as well. She became aware of skin color difference already though daycare. Kids start young I guess 😡 so I imagine it’s only a matter of time before she learns there is prejudice associated and I will have to have the talk then. Which I imagine will be really heated unless I’m prepared. So again, following for guidance.

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Also when I said she became aware of skin color difference at daycare I meant of course she can see but she knows her colors and someone had to tell her she is “black” and I am “white”. She came home one day saying Mama you’re white and I’m black. She’s biracial black-Guyanese and white so I’m also not sure what our definitions are yet. I tell her she is Guyanese but I’ve never told her she is white or black or mixed. We haven’t talked about racial definitions. Def need guidance Sorry for blowing up your feed but I felt I had to clarify after reading the comments.

I misunderstood the question after reading all the posts. When you said “the talk” I though you meant the talk that in our society blackness can sometimes be dangerous, and how to circumvent that. So for us from day one we’ve instilled self awareness and self confidence. “What beautiful curly hair you have! What pretty skin you have. How smart you are! You’re so strong!” and her dolls look like her and her books have characters like her. When she says something is the color black like the sky I’ll say “yes and it’s beautiful” my daughter is confident in herself. But I am not sure how to approach when I should talk to her about the societal downsides of her blackness (ie, some ppl view her differently, etc). Some people say the earlier the better but I think we should instill the positives first before the negatives. And having her on the defensive isn’t ideal either. Again following for advice on when to have that talk.

My daughter is to young at the moment. My future plan is to buy more cultural books and diversity books. Such as food, countries, religions, home structures, schooling, wardrobe etc.

I hate watching the news, all of the negativity always gets to me. I see what’s going on through instagram. I decided to watch the video of George Floyd 😢😔 My son was in my arms and I just looked at him and stared crying! I would never want anything to happen to him, he’s almost 2 months and watching that video made me realize that he could be subjected to racist hate. And it makes me so sad and angry. Why can’t we live in a world of peace and love. once he is older I will 100% be making him aware of the things that go on because of our skin color and how to rise above it! I’m just going to continue to pray over him.

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🙏🏾

Daughter is 23 mo. and biracial. For us it’s not one conversation, it’s a continual part of our lives that just evolves as she gets older. At this age it started with choosing a daycare that was racially diverse & despite being white owned had a black lives matter poster on the wall at the kids eye level & made racial equity part of the curriculum. Also, making sure many of her books have black and brown characters. We read one about families of all different sizes and colors and it was natural to point out the family that looked like us. When she was learning colors we’d ask what color is the ball, the grass, mommy’s skin, papas skin, etc.. so she knows it’s not taboo and there is nothing wrong with talking about it. We also make breakfast with brown eggs and white eggs and casually note that you can’t tell a good from a bad egg from the color of its shell. I also affirm black female beauty ( hair/skin) all the time. IMO, it is never too early.

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I love the egg illustration!! I will deff be using that.

A university of Toronto study noted that babies as young as 6-9 mo notice skin color and other physical differences. And a 2010 replication of the “black doll test” by University of Chicago showed that black kids 4-5yr. still in 2010 showed a slight bias toward the white doll as being “good” and for white children it was much higher. Even more alarmingly at age 10, when you would hope they should know better, the biases showed at roughly the same level. The researchers noted that to counteract societal messages there was an extra burden on BOTH black & white parents to go out of there way to promote black as beautiful & good and to discredit stereotypes and racism , not just once but over and over and over. So yes, our babies are watching and learning from a very young age, I don’t feel like I have the luxury to leave it “til she gets older”. I have to prepare her now so that when so goes to school she’s filled with confidence and pride about who she is & who her black mama is.

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Thank you for sharing - I love research

I agree with you ... my son is seven years old and last year in school he had to deal with racism so I had to have the talk with him and explain it all. I didn’t go into too much graphic detail but they need to be prepared ... trust me when I say I went in on those teachers. Principal and the school board even. It was EPIC!!! And yes I moved and we changed schools.

My oldest is 3. At the moment I'm teaching her that she is a beautiful black girl and everyone is beautiful even if they don't look like her. Different is beautiful too. I'm here to see the answers because I dont know when to start the conversation

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From what I'm seeing from the other moms we gotta make it apart of the regular conversation from young.

I have a 10 month old son and a 12 year old daughter. My 10 month old - while studies show he notices difference already - has not yet been involved in the conversation obviously. But I do have a book that gets read to him called “Woke Baby” (which I’ll share here) to start to help him understand who he is. We discuss race and racial issues in our home on a daily basis. Our 12 year old has been a part of the conversation since she could talk. She understands her history and what is and has been going on in the world with respect to Black people. She also understands a history aside from slavery - one of Black wealth such a Black Wall Street and Royalty (in Africa - specifically Egypt) just got mention a few. She is very vocal about her Blackness and identifies as a young Black woman which we completely support and nurture.

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🙏🏾 awesome Drea! We sorely lack in books so thank you for the recommendation! I will be online shopping later definitely

We speak very matter of factly to her about social perceptions and stereotypes regarding Black people. I think this is where parenting white children is very different. White parents don’t talk about whiteness in their homes bc they don’t have to. These discussions are a large part of our parenting - an everyday occurrence.

I don't think it's ever too early. Here's some books specifically about white supremacy: https://www.charisbooksandmore.com/books-teach-white-children-and-teens-how-undo-racism-and-white-supremacy

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👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

My daughter is multiracial - bio mom (my wife) is White Latina, donor is Black and White like me. At 5 weeks old, she's White presenting, but we have a huge library full of books on diversity - families of all kinds, teaching about disabilities, kids of every color, different religions. It's so important to expose kids to diversity because kids as young as two start to show race preference and practice "othering"

https://peanut.app.link/69TGaULx46

I’m trying to figure it out too. My kids are 2y & 4m. And I have no idea when to talk to them about it. Probably when they can understand social concepts? Right now, my son understands that he loves his parents and sister, cartoons, and cereal. Lol so if I try to explain now, it won’t be understood. My guess would be around 3 or 4. But we will see with time.

The sooner the better so they don't have fear they will be informed and can ask questions as they go along.

My youngest isn’t biracial, mixed of black but he is half Romanian. I don’t feel there is a wrong age as it’s just about being who he is. My neighbours are African and are the sweetest people. My little girl went to pre school with her son and she was selective mute/extremely shy and stuck to him like glue it was so sweet. We fell pregnant together so now our youngest 2 always play and hug each other 😍. There is some fab books on different families, diversity and so on. Xx

Thank you for starting this conversation! I’m pretty stumped about this honestly. Our kids are biracial but I’m white so I feel ill equipped to respond when race comes up (it hasn’t yet, they’re 2 and 3). I also think we have an abnormal situation here (in Vancouver) where we actually live in a neighbourhood that’s mixed and predominantly Indian with temples nearby lots of restaurants,people with a wide variety of clothing etc... not typical of the world. I anticipate observations being made maybe in a few years as they see more and can think abstractly but when they saw protests and riots on the news all I said to explain was “people were trying to help others” or “some people were having a fight” but they didn’t wonder why. What might be a better response next time? Do I follow their lead as things come up?

We have all different nationalities in mine and my so's family so I'm sure there will be questions. We try to show respect to everyone. Although it is difficult to compare. My husband is mixed as am I and our children have come out relatively fare skinned. I cant imagine what they will experience in contrast to someone that has a darker skintone. BUT seeing as how jersey city is 1 of the most diverse cities in the country at least they will be consistently exposed to all ethnicities and cultures. I try to instill kindness and love in all conversations. But also footnote those convos by saying not everyone feels that way. And until they can respond I will keep doing that!

Thanks for this post. My baby is biracial and something that I will need to discuss when he gets older since he’s only 10 months. I grew up in nyc, so I was exposed to all cultures. Since we are currently living in Florida with not much diversity, I do worry about it.

Before they start kindergarten right now my boys are little and don’t know what bad things are happening in the world. I wanna keep it that way as long as I can because the world is so scary.

Love this thread

We've had the talk with both are sons and were going to have the talk with our daughter probably around 7. We educate our sons to love each themselves and love others. Even though I'm mixed I'm very light skin and so is my son and daughter. My bonus son is fully black and we've had to have the talk with him and it was so hard to let him know how some ppl of this world view him because of his complexion. The next hard talk will be what happens if he gets pulled over. On the other hand I have a daughter who is just a few shades darker than me and I'm going to teach her the importance of standing up for her darker skinned sisters. I'm going to teach her that she is beautiful but not better than anyone else. It's crazy we have to prepare our kids for the world we live in. Besides preparing them for the world we're working everyday to teach them to love and celebrate their melanin no matter how light or dark they are ♥️

I’ve started with both of my girls, ages 3 and 6. They’re Black-Filipino. We discuss the importance of treating others, no matter how different they are compared to ourselves, with kindness and respect. In order to receive love, we need to share our own love. Simple and straightforward morals, and the earlier, the better so that an empathetic mentality is so strongly ingrained in their head and hearts. And lots of modeling from our end to show how being kind to every one is done. 🖤🖤

I live In Minneapolis where the George Floyd killing happened. I’ve been taking pictures of the fires, saving all newspapers & news related to the case. I’m currently pregnant but I plan on showing my little one how our city started a revolution

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Okay that is amazing!!! Perfect way.. I live in California && I drove my daughter through down town where the protest were the night before and showed her how upset ppl are but how the community came out together to clean up.. 💕 our children will have a better world if we show them to fight for each other

Wow! ✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾 Yes document this moment in history from YOUR perspective. History has always been written from the White male perspective and it's time for other voices to shine through so write down what you've seen and heard in addition. Your child will be very proud of you. Stay safe.

My daughter is 4. From day 1 I make sure she knows shes both Italian & Black.. is in touch with both heritages&even learn on world maps where her ancestors countries are. I always remind her everyone is beautiful & how different people are and can be.. I think its most important to me that I put emphasis on her being a PERSON oppose to a shade. Unfortunately in our world not everyone thinks the same so I feel a school age is appropriate and it can begin with a convo. about how kids can be mean & letting you know if anyone says anything about his looks or something of the sort.

I come from a white family, I’m white. my parents have racist views only from bad experiences of my sister and I dating black (African and Caribbean), my mum is open minded however my dad isn’t and got himself disowned and excluded from his grand child’s life. I’m only 19 weeks pregnant, but my child will be mixed and I’ve been reaching out to black and mixed friends to help me with this one (they’re my village) for raising this child with pride, culture and also safety! ✊🏻

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It’s a tough world never knew it in that sort of way, Poor Grandpap he will soon realize it’s no longer worth in todays generation. Thanks for sharing

I wonder about this all the time. My daughter is biracial. I make sure she’s around people of other races her dads family and others. Everyday since she could kinda talk we do daily affirmations like I am beautiful, I am strong, I am powerful ect... she can only say the I am part right now but I want her to know that she should never think less of herself based on her race ect..

We’ve been teaching my sons and instilling certain thing in the since they could talk. I’m mixed with Brazilian, black and white. My husband, their father is black. My oldest is now 4. I think it’s extremely important he know all of his heritage but also realize that some people will only see the darkness of his skin and make assumptions about him. This year has been the first time he’s able to understand things are going on. I work in the area where majority of the protests are being held in my city, due to the pandemic, he comes to work with me. It ended up being a useful tool for him to learn and understand. We went out and he asked protesters some questions and they were all more than helpful. He understands some people aren’t good and dislike others for unfair reasons. He understands that there are bad cops that do bad things and we want them out.He asked us how do we know if they are good or bad. That’s what I’m struggling to answer for him, so I’ll take any advice on that.

I'm so sorry this is even an issue you moms have to consider. :( I couldn't imagine waking up every day worrying over this. Covering this whole thing with prayer! I wish there was more I can do besides just lead by example and help my children to not be racist like my mom raised us. I hope all of your children, and the men in your lives that you love, can stay safe in this world from these things.

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🙏🏾 Thank you for your prayers. We all have to do our parts.

https://peanut.app.link/EUWXDFe476 You can also read what moms have to say here. Share with your friends and relatives.

I started when my daughter was 2yrs old. I started to talk about different traditions and read books on them to her. We have always taught her that she can love many different things and that there are all kinds of people in the world with different beliefs. I started to go into more detail on certain subjects like racism when she was 3 or 4. She is very advanced and has been speaking sentences and asking questions since around 2yrs. The best thing that I have learned is to answer all her questions as honest as possible. When you don't know tell them you guys can find the answer together. We've taught her how to research on her own instead of believing everything she hears. She is 6yrs old now. They are exposed to race from birth so it's good to get the conversation started before they have a negative experience. Last thing I want to say is, teach children positivity before dropping the negativity on them. For instance, I taught my daughter about the good things about different cultures first. Best wishes!

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That’s a great idea. I am a research queen but I never thought of making them a part of that. Thank you!

I have two mixed sons, 2&4 (husband is Black African, I’m white British) Recently I asked my 4 year old what colour we all were and he said that him and mummy are white and his brother and daddy are brown. We’ve since explained how he is two colours and he was amazed. He’s only young (and has a delay) so we don’t want to go into too much depth yet but we also want him to be proud of both sides.

My son is only a couple months old so we haven’t done this yet of course. It scares me because what is it going to be like for him in 5 years. It’s even harder for me as a white woman because I’ll never understand it

While my child isn't black or mixed with, I have had those fears from day one. I've always made sure he didn't "look" like he was up to no good. His hair was always long and his clothes fitted. Thankfully he hasn't had any issues like myself or my family (mostly the males). He did experience some heavy hate based on his assumed ethnicity cause he is brown. I was quite amazed at how he handled himself and the situation. The boy was just as brown as my son and actually a child of immigrants. I say that because my son mentioned this and that the kid who was constantly saying things (on and offline) was dealing with lack of self love. He was coming from a place of hurt and tried taking it out on my kid by constantly spewing racial slurs and what not. My brother has always been harrassed by police from a young age, mistaken for an older Male or assumed to be faking his identity. He has no tattoos or anything like that but cops constantly bother him. I wish that no one had to deal with this.

It’s not been easy I have 4 mixed boys! I’m white and the dad of my older 3 is Black(Nigerian) my youngest has a different dad but his dad is Black(Nigerian) as well. But I’ve always made sure they know where they came from that they are proud of where they came from. They know their dad’s culture and are surrounded by it every day! I’ve always taught them you help and protect and stand up for what is wrong. They know it doesn’t matter the color of someone’s skin if they see something happening is wrong they do what they can to stand up against what is going on. With my youngest son he is 2.5 and I have been showing him the Sesame Street video. Also with all my boys we do affirmations every morning

Someone on a another post shared this article. It has concrete examples of how we can talk to our children by age: https://www.mother.ly/child/talking-to-kids-about-racism-age-by-age

My husband is Salvadoran and I am white. Both our kids have medium brown skin and my son, who just turned 3, has already had several people comment about and joke about ICE when I was out by myself with him. And both my kids get called "tan" all the time. So we have started talking to my son about how everyone can have a different skin color. And how each person has a different background. With all these protests he has asked why they are all out or commented on the fact that there are a bunch of people. So we have talked about how people are being mistreated and have been mistreated for awhile. I have used the words fair and unfair because I know he can understand those terms (hears them with playing with his sister). I have always tried to be open and honest with him about everything he has questions about. And I make sure I am reading and doing my part to the world a better place for both of them and everyone who is a person of color.

I know it’s not helpful but I’m sorry you have to even worry about this, I hope and pray this will not be an issue for them soon the laws need to change before we can fix the view my heart completely aches for you, if it helps at all I was raised in a family that had every color available and me and my cousins were all raised together also, never really talking about our color it wasn’t until we were about 13 that we all started to realize that some of the kids didn’t like us being together so some of my cousins stopped hanging out with me but the ones who didn’t care we are still to this day Growing closer and sticking up for each other and now all have kiddos. My one sister I do not talk to at all I haven’t in years she is racist and I’ve tried to help her view on things but she stayed a closet racist until all this happened and said some awful things to other family members it sometimes doesn’t matter how you raise them. My mom adopted & helped anyone who needed her she loved every1

My child is mixed and we have talked to him about it since birth and he’s only 9 months and we talk about it with him, around him, and regularly because he needs to be prepared for a world that is not prepared for him!

My children are white but I promise to teach them about overall diversity in everyone; and loving them for it. I’ll teach them that even if some of their peers say hateful things, that it can be an opportunity to educate and promote love. This thread had me in tears. Xx much love to all mamas and babies ❤️

My daughter is mixed (me AA, hubs white) and I haven’t said anything yet (she’s 17 months). I did try to explain why mommy was crying, but I can’t imagine it made any sense. I definitely couldn’t keep my composure after hearing Mr Floyd cry out for his mother. I had some nights of just extreme anxiety where I couldn’t sleep and my thoughts were racing. The only thing that helped me was watching my little baby sleeping safely. But knowing that someone may try to destroy her precious body makes me nauseous. I just keep reminding myself that I come from strong people who have survived and passed their love on to each generation. I whisper in her ear each day how precious she is and hope it fills her up for times when it may be scary. And hopefully one day she will be able to do the same for her own baby. I’m hoping we can all help things change so our babies don’t have to live with the fear that we have.

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Sigh I think we are all traumatized. I hope you continue to find happiness during these difficult times.

😭😭😭

My baby girl is almost 6 months. It scares me that this is the world she will become a young black women in... it scares me to think that her father, uncle, cousin, grandfather, and so on... are not safe in this country because the color of their skin. The fact that they are great, EDUCATED, hardworking, selfless human beings could mean nothing to a police office with his finger on the trigger. My anxiety has gone up tremendously. I don’t want to have to explain this to my sweet innocent daughter one day):

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Agreed. It’s insane. My black partner and I were at a store going to buy diapers, he were driving through a pretty wealthy white neighborhood area so we stopped at a Target. As we are walking in the store, he was looking at his phone so he trailed a little behind me...a white lady came up to me 2x to ask “if I was safe”. My partner is educated, has been working as a manager at Capital One Bank for almost 9yrs, is a wonderful father, etc....but because he was wearing a hoodie with the hood pulled up (because it was cold and he’s anemic) and he was black....she felt the need to think and ask that. Wth.

Are you kidding me? How did you manage that?

Here’s another article with specific tips on how to talk about race and what to say when the questions come: https://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-talk-to-your-child-about-race_3657102.bc?bclink=top-cta&liveconnect=724bc6f7dbef804587ecc40ca48352a0&utm_source=email&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=en_US_highlights_20200609_preschooler&pe=

My son is almost 2yrs old and i fear for what he'll have to face. His dad is black and im white. Teaching our son to love and respect others is definitely a goal to achieve. So much hate is in this world its honestly sad. I myself have always been accepting of people of all races, creeds and colors, etc. If could just do one thing right as a mother and teach my son that life is only lived once and should not be filled with hate but by respect and acceptance and love. I'm gonna do my best to give my son the tools and knowledge he'll need. Interracial families are amazing to me and certainly not easy at times but so much love can be seen in them just the same as any other way.

My children are PR and Italian. My son started noticing skin color last year, but didn’t really show a lot of interest in it. He was just realizing people were darker and lighter skin tones. This year both my children started asking everyone what their skin color was in the family. (I think it has to do with both of them mastering their colors this year. )We would answer them and just say people come in all different colors. My son then asked me why people are different colors. I told him humans are like flowers where we come in all different colors, and those different colors make us more beautiful. I had to think about that answer, because I wanted to conveyed it in a manner both my kids would understand. I am going to just go with the flow of their curiosity. I try to teach my kids to treat everyone equal and to value people based on their character rather than appearance.

My son is 7 and I've been having real conversations with him since he was 5. He goes to school and plays sports in predominantly white areas and ive had to tell him that he is looked at differently. I can sense and now he can too. When his white peers misbehave its funny or age appropriate. When he does he's a troubled black child. He's also encountered racism on his own already unfortunately.

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Time for him to speak up if this happens to him again. It can’t continue as these are the things that will linger in hm forever

Hi how are you 🌹

My daughter is biracial and I’m pregnant with my second. My white family is naive to racism and partakes to an extent where they make comments like “don’t let her get too dark” etc. So I know I have to start young in preparing them. I have been educating myself and I follow some really great social media accounts that give solid advice and resources for this. I also don’t encourage white beauty standards. We have all color dolls and books and I want her to be so proud of her black history, so I will start to teach her lessons about a badass black person every day before school since school often neglects to do that. I plan on teaching her about the ignorance others have and the caution she needs to understand to have around police from the moment I think she can grasp it. I think young children can understand, but age appropriate timing and explanations are important so they don’t become stressed. I’m going to read more about that with some resources.

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Would you mind the social media pages?? 💗

I started to have convo a bit but definitely looking for more ways to explain. My son is 2, I’m black and my husband is white.

Thank you everyone for your response! Wow i didn't think this post would get all this traction. My baby is young but he definitely picks up on my emotions and I've explained to him why I'm upset. I think we'll have the first talk official talk with our son whenever he starts school so between 3 and 4. We're going to break his innocence to explain that because of the color of his skin people may treat him differently. What breaks my heart is having to explain that if he does something wrong that he may be punished more harshly. I don't know how to protect him. What to do?? Also can a predominately white school teach my black child properly?? The better schools where we live are predominately black. I am traumatized and scared to death that our society at large will see my child as just another black kid who doesn't come from a good home or receiving a good education. My child will have manners. We will teach him to respect everyone especially police.

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I mean the better schools are predominantly white

I would check further on that. Read reviews and meet teachers and parents if you can. Because are they seen as better schools BECAUSE they are predominantly white? Is institutional racism affecting the school’s reputation? Is there truly that much difference in the education? I feel you being worried about schools. 100% but I’ve noticed in my community that the better rated schools are mainly white whereas the more diverse schools are rated less yet still have comparable programs and results.