For moms of black or biracial or mixed children...

My oldest is 8 years old, and for the last few years she has known her skiing colour is different to myself to my side of her family and also to her daddy's side, but that's because she has a mix of mine and my partners colour but she knows that just because she is different on the outside doesn't mean she is different on the inside because we are all the same. I was raised as it doesn't matter what skin colour you have because on the inside were all the same so colour doesn't matter. My daughter loves everyone and for me if you teach your children from a young age the right things the right way to act and see people in life then there shouldn't be all this hate again people of colour. Problems with colour doesn't just happen it is taught so if you teach your child right from being young enough to understand then your good hun xx

@Colleen I’m honestly kind of shocked by what you said here. It made me think outside of systemic racism, maybe day to day race issues are less in certain areas. I see you’re in Connecticut, which is VASTLY different then where I live in Richmond, VA…where day to day racism seems to be very much a thing and honestly very common.

I don't thing you need to have a talk. I'm mixed and my parents just told me my dad was a red flower and my mother was a white flower and I came out pink. I don't think I'm going to have to talk with my mixed son. I don't think people even think about race anymore. Also love transcends everything. Just going to show him how to have a healthy loving relationship.

This is very sad 😢

I won’t make it about race, because then I feel like he’ll see himself as too different. But speak to him about the fact that there are some times when some groups of people may treat him unkindly and that he should stay calm and respectful and know all his rights in certain situations. Because then maybe he won’t start discriminating against certain people also. And gaining knowledge can never start too young🤷🏽‍♀️

I have not gone to deep with my little ones the only one who has really experienced any kind of racism is my oldest son who is 10 but it kinda hard to discuss to much because he is on the autism spectrum but all my children are black fillipeano Mexican and white. I have four ages 10, 4,2 and 9 months. I have introduced my four year old to certain books though such as my skin is beautiful and love your hair. I also will go out of my way to make sure my daughter's get primarily black baby dolls especially since they try to hide the black dolls in store either put it to high to reach or to low to even pay attention to. But I for sure try and always tell me children how beautiful their skin is.

I feel like you should have those talks as they present themselves in small ways or situations even in cartoons. Hes young and very perceptive I think if you grow him up loving himself and who he is, building his confidence, being honest, open and raw (age appropriately) and just continue being the best mama you can be.💙

I have several talks with my 8 year old and with my 6 year old. ..when ever the opportunity presents itself... I think the 1st talk I had with my 8 year old was when he was about 6. It's not as intense with my 6 year old as I will go more in depth about certain things with my 8 year old.

We’re very open with skin differences and personally, i refrain from labeling us as “colors” .. my daughters 6 and she knows that her skin tone is medium tone, while me and her little sister are “light” tones. I feel like doing this, having freely open conversations about it, and just embracing both cultures really will prevent any confusion later on

Not anytime soon

I started at around 6 or so. Letting them know to identify racism and such. I was never really prepared for the conversations or micro aggressions that was brought to me as a kid but they will be.

Any advice for me? I’m a white single mom (pregnant) and the father is African… I want to make sure I’m educating my biracial child appropriately.

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Thank you! I’m going to check out that book!

I am white and my children are white passing so not the same for them as it is for children who are more obviously non-white… we chose to have conversations about race very early (3/4 years old) so our daughters can better prevent harm/recognize inaccurate information and injustice when they’re confronted with it… they have a solid scientific understanding of what melanin is, why people have different skin tones and how that has nothing to do with their capabilities, intelligence, etc. We loved the book “Our Skin: A First Conversation About Race” and have actively curated their bookshelves so they have lots of examples of diverse characters to learn from. We’re also in NYC so they saw a lot of the BLM protests last year so in some respects the conversations felt unavoidable… but as an educator I know studies show the importance of discussing this topic early, especially with white children, because they constantly receive messages about white supremacy through our culture.

I just focus on building their self confidence. I have three girls so I make a point to remind them that they are beautiful and loved. So much media out there destroying the image of black girls. I’m working on them loving every part of themselves. So thankful that natural hair is accepted more. Existing as a little black girl is challenging. Everybody has questions about your hair. Your nose. Your skin. It can be exhausting. I have to remind my girls they are beautiful.

This is a great book, for any child. https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/667991/our-skin-a-first-conversation-about-race-by-megan-madison-and-jessica-ralli-illustrated-by-isabel-roxas/

I'm planning on having a series of small, age appropriate talks as my LO gets older. I'm planning on starting around 4 or 5

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Good age to ask and when curiosity is very high.

It is an ongoing conversation, IMO no need to bombard them with heavy information all at once. One thing is sure.... little or grown society will let them know how they see them and how they “value”them. So as uncomfortable as it maybe be we need to star the conversation early. Kids as young as 3yo already foster preconceived ideas based on why they sense and see around them.

Thanks for this post. My husband is black, I am white. We have a daughter and now a son. We've got a ton of books with diversity in skin tone and abilities. And we often talk about how our skin is different but how we're all just humans and should be treated the same. I don't think there is any one right way to go about this with kids in the current climate, but I plan to raise my kids to respect everyone, including themselves, but to also be aware that not everyone is raised that way.

I’m somalian and my husband is english! Our son is 7 months old so he doesn’t yet understand

I haven’t had any formal conversations yet, but I’m really interested in this topic too. I don’t want to wait for something bad to happen to have a conversation but im always celebrating what makes her and everyone else special. We all have different hair textures and skin color and isn’t that magical?! I actually created a group for mixed people or parents of mixed children. check it out! 🤗 https://peanut.app.link/6Evx2l87zab

Remember to Vote everyone, especially for the future of our diversity within our families!!!!!

I won't speak about it at a young age. I will generally tell my son/daughter to love and appreciate themselves. I want my children to be happy being children and if they are unhappy about something I will then explain why it happened to them but they will already know to stand their ground. I will not talk about anything out of the blue I just want my future children to be happy. 😊❤️💕 Me and my husband will always answer any and all questions that our future children ask clearly and honestly as I will not sugar-coat. I won't be installing anything that my child has not asked me to answer such as brining up topics on race or events which they didn't ask me about. If I am asked or a situation arises I will openly teach and explain what it was about. I'm in the UK I will be teaching self love, happiness, sticking up for yourself and self care above all. ❤️💕

I'm biracial mixed with black and hispanic and my SO is a black man. Obviously this means our daughter will be 75% black and a quarter hispanic. We plan to talk about these things as soon as she's old enough to understand. I won't lie to her or shelter her. There are people out there who will prejudge her based on her skin color and some might even have authority. It's important she knows what to do and say in such circumstances. But I also want her to know that we all bleed red and not to fear or prejudge anyone else because of their color skin. In short, we hope to prepare her well because the fact is she will be a black woman someday and racism and inequality are still rampant today.

I have mixed children and my husband and I love to lecture our boys are everything from importance to keeping your room clean to what to expect in the world. My oldest is 7. We usually teach him things when certain things come up, especially when listening to the radio and certain things from the news are being said. Of course he has questions but we highly encourage that and we would answer truthfully.

My daughter is 2, and I have been thinking about this alot. I don't have the answers, but I haven't really introduced anything except some books that have multiple races represented, and she has baby dolls of multiple shades. I do have the book What's the Difference by Doyin Richards, it doesn't really talk about race so much as it highlights why differences are beautiful (basically saying, don't be colorblind). My plan is to make it a part of our lives, so that every step builds on what we have done...but I know that, realistically, I will eventually need to have z full conversation about it, and I don't know what I'm going to say.

Well I thought I had time. My little one is only 4 and still thought of the cops as friends until a few months ago when he said hello to a cop and the cop yelled at him. I immediately grabbed him and walked away but now he’s terrified of all cops. Quite honestly they’re gunning down our children for playing so just start prepping as soon as possible. It’s sad that this a reality in this country.

So my girls are 6 and 7 and we just had the talk a few months ago. I would say I kept it pretty matter of fact because kids are really smart and while they don’t need a ton of details but they need to know the truth. I would say a toddler is a bit young because they don’t even understand the differences yet but I don’t think there is a specific time or age to have this talk. My almost 6 year old I feel is pretty mature on understanding others while my 7 year old doesn’t always quite understand others intentions as well so that’s why we didn’t have as much open dialogue until now and now she grasped it all very well. They both have a lot of questions because I’m biracial but look white, my fiancé is Mexican, they’re both black well I guess mixed but 3/4ths black roughly id say they’re black. So we talked about it all. We tell them the issues with white people here in America but they know their grandma is white and while she loves them she too has her issues.

My son is now almost 30 and his sisters are still teens. I spoke with my son repeatedly when he went out, but like my resting bitch face, he's a mean muggin' (sweet sweet kid) his features are dark and with the mean mug thing (that we also didn't ask for...) I was often afraid of him being pulled over. I talked to him from the time he was about 12, it got more emphatic after an officer showed up on my doorstep for no reason other than his 'look'. I have the privilege extended to people with white skin, I also came from somewhat small town notoriety, a very social, entrepreneurial family where my last name would mean something to people. I spoke up, using my privilege for whatever good I could muster. The girls have been pretty protected, but I open process a lot. If I'm pulled over, I put my arms out the window so they're visible, I ask about anything I want to touch and await approval before moving... I behave as I hope my kids will, better safe than sorry. Generation and gender diff!

This breaks my heart to see. I hope by the time your son is in schooo that society changes its way. I wish parents didn’t have to have those types of talks with their children and to be scared to death that something could happen to your child who’s just walking home from a friends.

I think about this a lot I’m mixed race and both my parents are and despite me being very fair I was brought up far more in touch with the black part of me from the food I ate to my knowledge on history to the hair products I had to use. I’m black and very proud! My mum grew up and received a lot of hate for being mixed. The only full white person in my family is my maternal gran. My partner is white and my son has come out definitely more on the ‘white’ side he has blue eyes and fair skin - not sure what his hair is going to be like just yet. But despite the way the word will look at him I feel like I have to educate him even more on his heritage, I grew up with people telling me I wasn’t ‘black black’ whatever that means and it made me feel awful because that’s not how I felt. I’m aware I have it easier then some for being fairer but it’s very important for me to bring up a man who knows his privilege stands up for what’s right and to never think he’s better than anyone else.

Any moms in NJ?

My girls are mixed my eldest is 9 and we have spoken to her and explained how difficult the world is going to be for her and that she’s gonna have to work that bit harder as not only is she a poc she’s a woman also xx

I haven’t given birth yet but one of my biggest fears is raising my black child in America ☹️

*unpayed leave

I think it’s so sad you guys have to have a talk with your kids man , so different in England

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I can only judge by my own personal experiences like us all , just saddens me what people go through. Here In England you will get arrested even for calling somebody a racist name

Its not different in England. Racism and predjuice is rife. Just perhaps more passive

Both my parents are mixed not just with black, however I’ve never had the talk as it’s mentioned. My parents are separated and I had a totally different experience to my dad and darker members of my family. My dad had more kids with an Indian woman and they are both a lot darker than me but had similar experiences to me ,my dad had never had the talk with my brother. I grow up in a small town in Surrey , I was the only mixed child at first and my mum would sometimes hear comments ect and I had 2 bad experiences but from kids at first school and kids can be cruel and I’d like to point out it wasn’t about colour believe it or not and after the age of 6 I had a nice group of friends mostly white, some Asians and few Africans , my siblings grow up in west London & had a similar experience, however we have witnessed certain things which have been awful but feel it could’ve been avoided if honest in some cases. Some things are made about colour but it’s not in my experience.

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I'm sorry about that, kids are cruel indeed. I'm not sure that you understand my specific worry or the worries of other moms - this post wasn't about bullying. I am worried about my son being punished harsher when he's done something, I'm worried about him being racially profiled and being stopped and frisked when he hasn't done anything wrong. I'm wondering when I will have to teach him how to behave in white spaces. Based on the response and discussions it will be many conversations over a period of years.

No I didn’t understand the question but I am so sorry you guys have to have this talk with your young kings . In England it’s a big melting pot of people no sort of prejudice or racism is tolerated at all and you will be arrested that being said am sure there is little pockets dotted around that do still have to deal with stop searching , last time anything regarding the police was on tv it was like 5 plus years , they pulled over some young black men for no reason, long story short it went to court, they got compensation a letter of apology and the police officers were put on unpaused leave with retraining. I am thankful there’s no guns here otherwise maybe we would be like you guys are . I have a step son & daughters in Miami and myself and their dad pray every time something is in the news, thankfully never been pulled over but my partner has had that chat with them even his girls like you guys , spoke to him last night and he said I don’t understand completely but am sympathetic x

mine are 7 months old so no discussion yet. but before they go to daycare I will have a light talk and tell them if anyone says something that makes you uncomfortable that they need to tell me. then right before grade school I will have an actual sit down talk. I dont want them to think that they cant achieve great things just bc they are mostly black. I just want them to know they have to be more careful and have to put in more work for most things.

Hey hit me up if your near new Baltimore/ chesterfield areas

My son is still too little to really understand yet I think but I’m sure that we will have these conversations as both dad and I typically discuss cultural differences/race etc with each other. I’m black and his father is Dominican and PR.

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He’s only 21 months but I do think sharing books that talk about culture is a great way to start

Thankfully my daughter is only 18m so has no idea what is going on in the world. I have time to learn how to have tough conversations with her

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Goodness, your baby is beautiful!

Ok thanks 😊

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Your welcome!

What kind of hair product can I use on my infant son to help it grow and keep it from drying out.

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Coconut oil does not work on some hair. My daughter’s hair is very fine and curly and coconut oil dries her hair out.

You can use coconut oil and olive oil

I won’t see him as anything but what he presents himself as. Right now he is an adorable little boy with his mom.

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Exactly. Thank you. My husband presents him self with respect and was still called the N word in Chelsea Manhattan and still rounded up by police in the Bronx because he "fit the description" by wearing a black coat.

The point is as her son grows older the world will perceive him in a certain way despite what he presents his self to be and that's the worry this mom has as a black woman with a black son, that's why she made this post to relate to other moms who will go through the same battle with trying to educate their brown or black children

My Son is only seven months old and I’m dreading the day that I have to have the talk

It's tricky to know how to start the conversation. I'm white, my husband is Arabic. We've had conversations with my 3 year old daughter about being mixed and also about how my mum's best mate's husband is black and so their children are mixed too. Not sure what else to say at this age. My fear is that she will get bullied at school due to her mixed heritage or because she is Muslim.

Mine is 6 we haven’t really discussed it yet! I’m not really sure when or how to do it either 😭

So I’m biracial and my son is 75% white. Now i Know he’s more white passing than I am, but i also know that to some folks the 25% of him that is Black is too much. We’ve been reading the little leaders books, hair love, and can i Touch your hair. I’m trying to teach him that yes some people may not like him but he can use his white passing privilege to love and protect his brothers and sisters in the community.

I am seeing an Aboriginal man he has two kids love to have more with him two miscarriages white father.

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I'm sending you lots of positive baby making juju 💐💕

I have 3 little ones and I have some form of the talk that is age appropriate with them since they were about 3. Recently my 4 and 7 year olds wanted to take their nerf guns outside to play and I explained to them why they cannot. We have constant discussions about race and we read books all the time. For my youngest, I purchased the Little Leaders Book when she was born and every night she chooses someone to read. It's my way of laying the groundwork.

I appreciate this post—my lo is still a baby but know my husband and I will have to have this tough conversation.. I never had to deal with racism—I am very white complexed Hispanic so ppl just assume I am white. I want to be able to understand and know the right things to say when that time comes 💙

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Yes! You have power in your privilege. Use it to your advantage and be the best damn advocate for your husband and baby. Being anti-racist is the way to go.

TAKE ACTION: What can NON-Black POC and whites do? Prepare for and kick off the conversation about being actively anti-racist with your kids. Listen: NPR Life Kit: Talking Race With Young Children podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/talking-race-with-young-children/id1454009140?i=1000430541536 Learn: Join an interactive webinar/workshop on developing your confidence to talk about race with kids http://link.babylist.com/mps2/c/DgE/lqsdAA/t.32b/ZWnLs3tjQsuLzQVseXkV2g/h26/tMwXpztPzW3erS9phHOLiZz7vPk7QCSbX6jW1mtn74UYvETTfF2Kvh9MCKF7VjxBdeOVRZRq1MF4LA1cLNLXlA-3D-3D/Ut60 Read: 31 children’s books to support conversations on race, racism and resistance http://link.babylist.com/mps2/c/DgE/lqsdAA/t.32b/ZWnLs3tjQsuLzQVseXkV2g/h27/ygyrzOVS5MZ2qaq96aLPlqNHEO-2FNiq1Er1atKD4T0Xs49mSYWHNwxjBtqrw2NClSD7QtOk4PJbZOmbWWZJC4-2BqjmyASXXCe2I5E6YfCoK6ntXtgnq2aMW3Kw9LZV6cSNOR9V309rzUTa1B7Szv-2FA-2BA-3D-3D/bZ6C Follow @theconsciouskid on Instagram

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Thank you for all of your comments. I'm big mad reading all these, "I/my kids don't see color" or "I'll raise my kids to love everyone" or "my kids will be respectful" - THAT'S NOT ENOUGH. Being not racist is the absolute BARE MINIMUM you can do. We're past that in the US - we HAVE TO BE anti-racist, because anti-Blackness and white supremacy don't go away just because you teach your kids the "Golden Rule." There were some posts about anti-racism early I'm the thread, but they got lost in a sea of "I'm sorry you have to deal with this - I'll teach my kids to love your kids." No, y'all need to teach your kids not to KILL our kids and that even if THEY don't treat their Black friends differently that they understand their Black friends have different experiences and walk through the world differently because of the color of their skin. Do better, white and non-Black POC. I'm tired.

Well, looks like the thread I'm thinking about is actually a different one. Let me see if I can find it because they really needs the comments you posted!