Am I an over protective mum?

I know a lot of mums are naturally over protective with their babies anyway but my little girl is 10 weeks now and I just won’t go that far from her, the furthest I’ll go it to the toilet whilst she’s down stairs with her dad. However before she was born her dad was so excited to take her out on Sunday walks to the park by himself like his dad used to do with him (which I was all for, nice bonding time). However since she came I just can’t bring myself to let him take her out without me. Her dad is so good with her and there’s no issues there I just can’t bring myself to let her be that far away from me. Is there any other mums out there like this too?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

I think this is totally fine at 10wks. I have the same issue, my parter is great with our daughter but I feel very unsettled if I’m not close to the baby all the time. I even felt a bit weird putting the 4th side up on our bedside bassinet 🤦‍♀️ the baby wasn’t any further away, I just couldn’t see her as well.
Our daughter is 14wks now and I can be apart from her for up to 2hrs. It gets easier quickly 😊

Totally makes sense, it’s gotten better for me but my baby is 3 months now and even more than a couple hrs I’m still not used to the feeling, I think it will keep getting easier

My daughter is two and I still feel this way. I trust that my partner and our parents will take good care of her but I still miss her so much when I leave her with someone. I guess you just have to get used to her being with other people. My daughter loves being with others but her reaction when I come back is just an amazing feeling. I soak up those extra long hugs and kisses.

I was like this. I think since I had such a terrible birth I cling onto my son so hard cause I was afraid I was gonna lose him. My husband had to have a talk with me and I still stress and it’s hard for me to relax when my son is not with me but I try and distract myself best I can. It’s slowly getting better. He is 15mo now and seeing him develop socially and bond better with his dad helps a lot.

Don’t ever feel like you are being overprotective! It’s completely understandable! You’ve carried your baby for months and months inside you where you know they were safe and protected and then within an instant they are out and starting to explore the world! It is scary and you wish you could be with them every second. I feel the same with my little girl! And hearing about children going missing because a parent ‘looked away for a minute’ just scares you all the more! I never want her out of my sight if we go out, I guess really you can only protect your children so much - but you do anything that makes you more comfortable and don’t think to yourself if it makes you over protective, the main thing is you just want to keep them safe! 💕 xx

I was that way with my 1st son .. I didn’t let my husband take him or do anything with him

Hi Jaime-Leigh, I see that other mums replied but just wanted to say - you’re perfectly normal, it’s so typical for the primary carer (the mom) to have heightened senses and worry for her baby.
I remember criticizing my husband a lot with our first baby because I was always afraid that something horrible could happen to her if he didn’t pay enough attention... (I also had a very traumatic delivery which worsened my anxiety). With time and observing my husband taking care of her built my trust in him. Remember that you can’t control everything and that eventually the only way to not burden yourself with anxiety is to learn to let go a bit (it sounds crazy now but trust me it’s true). Babies are very resilient and husbands need to find their legs as carers. Soon your baby will be bigger and you’ll feel less scared of letting her free to roam and explore you’ll see x

I think it’s worth mentioning that you feel this way with your GP/LMO. It sounds like you may be experiencing some post-partum anxiety which is really common but not discussed as much as post-partum depression. I definitely suffered with it but already had an anxiety disorder prior to falling pregnant so had some coping tools to manage it.

Maybe try setting yourself a little goal each week. If right now you can only manage to be on a different floor in the house, next week aim to stay inside while your partner takes the baby in the garden or vice versa. The following week aim for a walk to the end of the street and back alone or something. Each week try and push yourself a little further until you feel up to leaving for an hour or so. It will be hard (trust me I know!) but one day you will need that time to yourself so much to recharge your batteries. You have a huge community here to support you too.

You can do this mama!!!!

I’m the same ! I don’t think lockdown has helped because we both have got used to constantly being with each other! I trust my husband and family 100% but it’s more the fact I get separation anxiety when I’m not with her or the thought of not being with her. She’s my first too so I don’t want to miss anything. People keep saying after all this is over I can’t wait to have her for the day, this makes me so anxious !

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.