Has anyone else mourn their dream birth? And how did you over come the guilt and shaming on oneself.?
So I'm 5 weeks pp. Long story short. I'm still having a hard time letting go of my birth not going as expected or dreamed of. My goal was having a natural unmedicated birth. I practiced breathing at nights. Meditation. Birthing ball. So at the hospital I made it to 9 1/2 cm dilated. At 4 pm. Then next thing you know it was midnight and nothing was happening. I was super tired. And at the end midwife gave me the option of an epidural. And out of devastation. I gave in. It was my goal since I have anxiety disorder and I really wanted to believe in myself. And the fact that I was right by the finish line and I didn't walk through it. Breaks me. I know I could have another one. But this is my second baby with gestational diabetes for the second time. And I don't want to get preg.again because of health issues. I keep asking myself what "ifs" what if I prayed more. Or believe more faithful. And in myself. Or should I have waited a bit longer. Or tried pitocin. Idk... this really sucks 😕( in the picture u see tissue box that the nurse handed me.because iwas crying after the epidural. )