W
2 years ago

Has anyone else mourn their dream birth? And how did you over come the guilt and shaming on oneself.?

So I'm 5 weeks pp. Long story short. I'm still having a hard time letting go of my birth not going as expected or dreamed of. My goal was having a natural unmedicated birth. I practiced breathing at nights. Meditation. Birthing ball. So at the hospital I made it to 9 1/2 cm dilated. At 4 pm. Then next thing you know it was midnight and nothing was happening. I was super tired. And at the end midwife gave me the option of an epidural. And out of devastation. I gave in. It was my goal since I have anxiety disorder and I really wanted to believe in myself. And the fact that I was right by the finish line and I didn't walk through it. Breaks me. I know I could have another one. But this is my second baby with gestational diabetes for the second time. And I don't want to get preg.again because of health issues. I keep asking myself what "ifs" what if I prayed more. Or believe more faithful. And in myself. Or should I have waited a bit longer. Or tried pitocin. Idk... this really sucks 😕( in the picture u see tissue box that the nurse handed me.because iwas crying after the epidural. )
Has anyone else mourn their dream birth? And how did you over come the guilt and shaming on oneself.?

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26 days ago

I understand completely but give you self some grace the fact that you were able to give birthday to a beautiful baby is so much of an accomplishment within itself. God knew exactly how the pregnancy would go and I'm sure God is proud of your efforts. Don't beat yourself up thinking of what should have been. Believe in yourself anyway because you are already a shero for having the baby.

1 month ago

I had an unplanned c section 4.5 years ago...I'd wanted a holistic and natural birth but unfortunately things didn't go to plan. I did use hypnobirthing which was amazing however and got me to over 20 hours with my tens machine alone despite intense surges / contractions. My birth trauma stemmed initially from the neglect / lack of empathy with some staff and just being on the ward so long postpartum, as well as when being given the anaesthetic for surgery it brought flashbacks of being drugged with a date rape drug on a night out years ago. I definitely felt sadness I'd been robbed of the birth I wanted. I ended up training as a Hypnobirthing teacher and 3 step rewind trauma and phobia release practitioner specialising in birth trauma as I wanted to offer mums support I would have massive benefitted from. I do think that having trauma and grief support provided to mums following birth should be something we all get (I'm in the UK), unfortunately its not on offer and mums have to seek out support privately.

1 month ago

I had planned for a water birth at a birth center. Unfortunately, I ended up waiting too long. There was no way I was going to be able to sit in the car for 30ish minutes. I had to settle for an unmedicated hospital birth. No doula. No birth photographer. I basically had the birth that I was trying to avoid. To make matters worse, I ended up giving birth at the same hospital where I was treated poorly, as I was experiencing severe symptoms from my miscarriage. What helped me heal/ come to terms with what occurred, was talking it out with a person who specializes in traumatic births. I hope this helps. Stay strong, mama. 🫶🏽

1 month ago

Husband and I had everything planned out for when baby girl was born. I did not want an epidural but ended up getting one. Almost lost baby girl due to neglect. I did not get the fairy tale birth I dreamt off . Instead I got trauma I still deal with till today. I did not get to see or hold my baby for a couple of hours after birth. I blame myself and cry till today. She is 13 months and I can’t stop thinking about it.

1 month ago

I had hoped to give birth without an epidural if possible, but ended up giving in and getting it. Ultimately needed a C-section. No grief at all. Just happy my baby turned out ok. Wish I had done a little more preparation, but since I didn't have my heart set on a particular birth plan there was nothing to grieve. I am kind of sad that I didn't get to see my son be born (they put a sheet up, plus I was so tired from pushing that I passed out). And there was a little bit of a disconnect in the beginning - are you sure it's the right baby? I wish my memories of our first hour together were sharper. If I have a second I may opt for a scheduled C section so I don't tire myself out pushing just to be cut open again. Hopefully then I will be more alert the first hour.

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