Coping with baby in NICU

I’m going thru the exact same thing mama. It’s so hard. This is my second Nicu baby still just as hard. I try to take something with his scent on it home. Hugs.

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First of all congratulations, he’s perfect 💗 Completely understandable how you feel - it goes against your mother instincts. It’s okay to feel sad and upset! I’m sure all he wants is you as well. But he and you can both do this and get through it 💪 As you said focus on your body to heal which will make it easier to look after him when you take him home. Try and be gentle with yourself, distract with some movies, books, chats with family and friends... lean on your partner... snuggle up on the couch... All easier said than done when all you want is your baby, sending you so much love xx

Are you not allowed to spend the night? When my son was in the NICU they let one parent stay overnight I ended up basically living there lol

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We can visit anytime but there's nowhere to sleep or anything like that,I actually am staying overnight tonight but it's not too comfortable ☹️ sleeping in a chair is hard

I feel you when my son was there I would sleep probably an hour at a time 😅 your baby is in such good hands and if you're feeling anxious about leaving him with strangers ask of they have a live cam thing to watch the baby at home my hospital had that and I didn't trust the nurses after the first few nights so that was great or you could leave a laptop there and video chat it if they don't offer live cams 🥰

My son was in the NICU for 5 weeks. The first week and the last few days were the hardest. It feels like forever! I had a 10 month old at home so I never stayed overnight. Your little one will be out soon 💙

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My little boy was in NICU for 6 weeks during May-June. It's so hard leaving them every night, but he is in the best place! Once he's ready he will be home with you, hopefully not too long now! 🤞🤞🤞💙💙💙

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Rina you need a support network who understands what you are going through. Posting here is a great step and also check out: Handtohold.org it is a support network for parents whose children are in the NICU. We are all rooting for you and your beautiful baby!

Firstly congratulations on the birth of your little boy! Secondly my heart goes out to you my first son was born 10 weeks early and spent 4 weeks in NICU it was the hardest time but the nurses and doctors are so good at what they do! I know it’s hard leaving him but you need to recover and get rest too he will need you when he comes home to be fit and strong. Sending you and your son lots of love will keep you in our prayers xx

This brought me to tears as I went through this with my last child she was nicu baby and I was there everyday, rain storm, sleet, snow I didn't care about the weather, I just wanted her with me, and eventually after 2 weeks she came home, I pray for you and your little one, that angels will protect you all, and God will bring speedy healing God bless you and your family 🙏

I thought you looked familiar. Congratulations on your little one you two. My prayers are with you guys. I pray he’s home with you guys soon enough. It’s been a few years since we have spoken, but if you want to talk message me 💕

You are doing amazing. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I’ve been there. Think about all the joy and adventures to come in the future. When you get him home you will be so consumed by each moment that you won’t be able to remember what this time was like and it will become a distant memory. I found talking to someone incredibly helpful, I see some people have referred to groups above. Maybe your hospital has a counsellor or social worker you could chat to either? But honestly just focus on the fact that this will pass. When you are not with him take time to sleep and eat well and take long hot showers and mind yourself as you will be all go once he comes home. And know you can do this!! And we are all sending you strength. 💪

Firstly, you’re doing amazingly. No one can prepare you for having a baby and then having to leave then behind every day. My daughter was in NICU for 60 days before she could come home. There’s no right or wrong way to do this. See your baby as often as you need to, and take breaks and even days off if that’s what you need to get you through. Don’t forget that your body has been through a lot, so you need to recover physically too. There will be times when it all feels like too much, so make sure that you have people you can talk to. The ward my daughter was on had a counsellor and ran some parent groups. The other parents can be really helpful and supportive, and we’re still friends with some of them now. This won’t last forever, although it definitely feels like that sometimes. Take care and good luck xx

Thank you, I can't express how much I appreciate you all. My fiance and the nurses are telling me to take a day to rest, and to call the nursery at any time. I brought home his beanie to smell like someone suggested haha.. it's comforting!! I also asked if they have a live cam thing and they do!!! So I'm going to try that out! Thank you all for well wishes and advice 🥺 💕

You are all so amazing

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You got this momma! 💪

i wish you all the best sweetheart💕‼️ My first born was a NICU baby too. i had her at 36 weeks, a whole month early. So ofc she had to be in the hospital for the month that she was supposed of been due. Trust me, i understand how hard it can be bc i was constantly visiting my LO as well & ofc it was hard for me to leave then even some days i didn't even feel like going at all but my father gave me that extra lil push to do so anyways. Rn im hoping & praying at this moment that i don't have another NICU baby & that my LO will be nice & healthy. This all have inspired me & gave me memories of what i had dealt with back in 07' "thank you 👏" now im back to start all over again...

I’m so glad to see this 💕 my waters have broken already (I’m 24+3, it happened at 20+0) so we’re anticipating a NICU journey too. You’ve got this mama 💕💪🏻

So sorry that you are going through this. I pray a speedy improvement so that you can hold your son all day.

I’m sorry you are going through this, sending prayers your way 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Sending all my prayers and strength. I recently brought my daughter home from the NICU after her being in for 6 weeks (30+3) I understand what youre feeling and one thing i found that really helped me daily was being as hands on as i could be with all of her cares and learning as much as i could so i could better help her while there as well as getting in as many skin to skin cuddles as i could. Its a tough journey and one i never knew about until it became my world. I learnt theres no strength like NICU strength and the nurses are amazing. Praying for a safe journey and that this will all be a distant memory for you soon. ❤️

Sorry you are going through this. Prayers!

Its the toughest time ive ever had i had my son at 29 weeks. He spent 13 weeks in intensive care. Having scepticema twice, meningitis, necrotizing enco colitus, respiratory failure, severe jaundice. It is full or ups and downs but trust me it gets so much better. And when u finally have him own its like that never happened. My sons now 7 months old and u wouldn't even think that hes gone through it. But the nurses are right u need time for you and to get your head around the fact hes there. Just have 1 day when u dont go in, have a lie in, have a hot bath and just chill. Even if u ring them every couple of hours for a update they wont mind.

I remember my baby being in nicu and it was the most horrible experience ever I had to stay in with her as I got sepsis so had to focus on trying to get myself better too but I understand how you feel maybe leave your baby with something that smells like you I tucked my top around the matterace (the nurse suggested it) so my daughter could smell me.

Praying for you mama! I know your pain and struggle, my daughter was born at 28 weeks, 1LB 10oz...she was in the nicu for almost 2 months and I also had a csection. And she has been home for a little over a month and is doing so great! You are going to get through this, you aren’t given anything you can’t handle. I’m always here if you need to talk or a listening ear. ❤️

I had my daughter at 25 weeks and we are currently experiencing the nicu journey

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How are you holding up mama??! How’s the LO doing??

It’s just really tough seeing her laying there and I can’t really do much. She’s literally been there 10 weeks now and I can really see the difference in her all the time 

Fellow NICU mum here my little girl was born sick. It is a hard journey but they are so much stronger than we think. My LO has been there 6 weeks 1 day and I'm aching to have her home with us. Your so much stronger than you think hang in there mumma x

I pray fr perfect healing for your baby. Take heart and know that heaven is with you..... much love

I am going through this same exact thing, my baby is 3.5 weeks old and I’m so ready for him to come home with me. I just want to cry all the time when I’m not with him. It’s just awful. I feel for you.

My daughter was in the NiCU for 4 weeks 1 day.. I gave birth at 29 weeks to my 1st child it was scary because I was about two mouths early.. One day I was feeling bloated and thought I need to go to the bathroom thinking I was stopped up I got prune juice to help use the bathroom but nothing happen I drank like 1 in an half bottle of it and nothing happened then I was really feeling uncomfortable so I made a doctors a appointment to see what was going on and he said I was 2 cm & that I need to go to the hospital now so I was freaking out and then me n my mom went to get my bf but he got up didn’t understand and was in shock but I was getting a lot of contractions and got more painful and we were headed to the hospital got there & I was 6cm and then couple of hours after they had to break my water bag & I gave birth & couldn’t hold here skin to skin they had to bring her to the NiCU & I would go the all day & night most of the time or go in the morning couple days an night on the rest.

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It was sad to always leave with out her @Rina

i had a 23week baby it was a long process and she been through a lot of surgeries .i had support from my mother and she is 12 years old now healthy living a normal life . We honestly just had faith that she will pull through it all .

Hey Mama. This is a HARD thing. There’s no way about that. Take things a day at a time and breathe. Know your baby is in great hands even when you’re not there (I KNOW it feels like you should be there every second and leaving your boy at the hospital feels SO wrong, but try to listen to the logic as hard as it is and know that you taking time away from the hospital is important too). there’s no talking your heart into being okay with this, it’s not okay and it’s not fair. Unfortunately the hand you’ve been dealt sucks, BUT you and your baby are WARRIORS. This will pass and you’ll be able to tell your little guy that he is a survivor and has already walked through fire and made it through to the other side. You’ll have done the same. If you can, try to find a nicu mom to bond with and go to or find a therapist (even if it’s phone calls only). Maybe do this on your way to/from the hospital. I’m wishing you so much strength and love for you and your family. Over 50% of nicu parents

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Have PTSD. You’re processing so much. There’s a lot to handle and deal with so take the help you can. Message anytime if I can help support you in any way. 💗💗

My boys spent 4 weeks in the NICU after they were born at 32 5. The night they discharged me was one of the worst. We visited every day for hours and i took the time to "practice" mommying. I watched the nurses and learned how to do things like bathe them and quickly change diapers. I asked lots of questions and clarified lots of confusion. Look at this time as a stepping stone to parenthood. You'll be nice and healed before your little one comes homes and he'll likely be on a good sleep/feeding schedule. Sometimes optimism is better in hindsight but you WILL get through this. If you need someone to talk to I'm willing to listen.

I just went thru the same thing. It was so hard but my baby girl just got out of the Nicu yesterday and to be honest it flew by so just try to stay positive mama! While she was in there I was just trying to focus on the fact that I could be home and recover from my c section without the stress of the baby and I was all recovered and ready when she got out. Looking back the time flew by

Hi Rina, I can imagine how your feeling. My daughter is now four but when she was born she had to spend a month in the NICU. It was the most daunting time of my life I cried every single day. Couldn't sleep at night. But what I can tell you and promise you is that your baby is In good care. They will make sure you baby is fully cared for and healthy enough to be able to go home. I don't know your exact situation but as a mom who been through it I am here for you if you want to talk or vent. God bless you and your beautiful baby. I will pray.

My daughter was in the NICU for 3 weeks and it was horrible. It sucked because no one knew what was going on and the hospital was just giving me excuses. Not to mention they wouldn’t even let me hold her except when she was eating and I was only allowed to visit once a day for 30 minutes. It was horrible. When i was going through it I was trying to find anybody that understood what I was going through and no one did. The only way I coped was trying to rest and take care of things I did have control over. Looking back, it was hard but I know she’s home with me now. When I was going through it, it was one of the loneliest times of my life. Focus on getting healthy and healing. Because if you’re healed and taken care of when baby comes home it will be so much sweeter.

Rina, my heart goes out to you and all the other NICU mommas out there. My son is a heart warrior and we spent 2 months in the NICU followed by 3 weeks I. The PICU for recovery from his open heart surgery. Bring a NICU mom is definitely hard and a journey you will never forget. Everyone’s story and struggles is unique but one thing I know from my own experience is it will make you srrpnger in ways you didn’t even know were possible. Let people help you that are reaching out. That’s is one thing I do regret not doing enough of. I was so angry and hurt that my son was very sick and had to go through all of the things he had to go through. I didn’t want to talk to anyone who wasn’t a nurse, surgeon or doctor during that scary time. We stayed at the Ronald McDonald house in Rochester, Ny and when we would leave the NICU there would be volunteers their trying to help you or talk to you about your baby and at the time I just couldn’t. Everyone handles this differently.

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Please know you are not alone and if and when you need to talk I’m here. Praying for you and your family. One thing that was helpful for me was learning how to care for my son from the nurses, how to give medicine from the tiny syringe and learning about what they machines do and their purpose. I remember how intimidating and overwhelming those beeps from the machines are and watching the numbers rise and fall and not know what that meant and worrying. The more you know and are involved on the dare of your child makes it easier and will give you some control in a situation that is out of your control. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and advocate for your child and yourself. If they have any support groups please go to at least one session. Like I said I was too angry, scared to go but I wish I did go and talk about it with someone because at the time I was not okay. PTSD is a big part of this so I do see a doctor now for that. Doctors kept telling me to take care of myself.

It would make me so angry because I just felt it was impossible to do at the time. Try if you can and get support from a friend or family member to help you write down things the doctor tells you. Sleep if you can to heal and rest do you can be somewhat present for your baby. Again, I know this is hard to do I remember like it was yesterday. Another thing I wish I did was journal and document the experience. I was just too scared to at the time because I didn’t know the outcome. Sending healing and rest for you and baby.

“Tomorrow” you will be celebrating his first bday and this will all be just a memory. And you will be looking at him in awe at what a strong boy he has grown to be.

I felt your words so much- my son was in the NICU and also had major cranial surgery the same year. The sadness cannot be explained unless someone has also been through it. I still hold him and sob once in a while when I think about it. The happiest day of your life will be bringing him home- focus your mind on that- visualize it every time you feel pain. You are so so strong - NICU moms are a special kind of strong. You can handle anything. Hugs to you💗

Hi Rina, I wanted to say that you are so much stronger than you think! What you're feeling is so normal for NICU parents but it does pass. Our son was born at 28+6 and spent 7 weeks in the hospital. At the time, it was utterly overwhelming but he's been home for longer than he was in the hospital now and he's doing really well. The practical things that helped me were: - Getting involved with everything I was allowed to do (changing nappies, giving meds, learning how to tube feed, etc) - Being there for rounds in the morning so that I could ask the consultant any questions (I quite often had to note them down so I didn't forget) - Loads of kangaroo care (skin to skin cuddles), reading him stories, telling him about my day and singing songs - Saying something if I had a problem (the nurses really want to make everything as easy as possible for you but if they don't know there's a problem, they can't do anything about it) - Getting a decent double pump so I could express milk easily and doing it really often)

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Thank you!! And for the tips too! I would love to buy those little miniboos but the shipping itself is $30 was it that much for you? It's such a sweet idea

(I used a Milk Genie from Pumpables which was super easy to use and comfortable, especially with the silicon flanges. It's also much cheaper than lots of the pumps I looked at and I got as much using it as I did the hospital grade pump I used on the ward) - Giving information to his nurses like the fact that he preferred being swaddled before he was picked up, that holding his head and his feet calmed him down and that he didn't like bright lights. It made me feel like a mother, that I knew my baby and it helped them do things the same way even when I wasn't there (our ward encouraged parents to write the info down and display it by the incubator) - Buying these http://cuski.com/product/cuski-miniboo/ and keeping one in my bra and one in his incubator and swapping them every day (so he could always smell me, which is comforting, and I could smell him to help me produce more milk and just when I missed him!)

Hold your head up i don't know how long his been there my son been there for one week back in February it was the hardest thing for me because right when he got in the room. With me he taken in and out then next night the same and then they tooke him for good I cried I said no I want to stay here my dr said need sleep he new I wasn't sleeping I broke down. Then after a while my husband was by my side hole time and then it got better because he was doing so good. Then he went home the week of my birthday. But hang in there. What helped me also they had NICU camera that we could go on our phones and see him. I don't know if where you live has this but if they do it great thing keep me ok

I havent left my baby in nicu but I am a nicu nurse and I can promise we look after your baby with every part of us! Each and every one steals a little bit of our hearts! What I can say is enjoy the time you are with your little one! Celebrate the milestones in a big way! Bathe in them and enjoy every second! Being in nicu is one of the hardest things you can do, this is not what you planned, not the way you envisaged everything! Take photos and videos, spend all the time possible there and at night watch all them videos and look at photos from the beginning knowing how far they have come and how much closer to coming home! If you ever want to talk lovely my doors always open xx

Sending you much love, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so sad and heartbroken as when I used to have to leave my daughter in NICU each evening. I used to try and reassure myself that she was in the best possible care and to trust that it would all be ok in the end, and it was. I found trying to keep to a routine each day gave me something to hold on to and some control over the situation. I also turned all social media off, as I couldn’t get my head around the fact that the world was still spinning normally for a lot of other people. I hope you get to bring your son home soon x

My son was in the NICU for 4 months and came home a week ago. When I wasn’t there I tried to busy myself with my daughter or fiancé. Getting things ready for him to come home. Also would celebrate every milestone he hit!

Sorry I haven’t read through all the comments but I’m wondering if you’ve considered staying with him in his room? Is it not allowed right now? I went through this for 7 days my son was in NICU after an emergency c-section delivery, it’s very hard, I couldn’t even go see him until the next night. But this will be over before you know it and you’ll have every minute with him. 💝💝

I wish I could but yeah they closed the family due to covid 😞 thank you!!

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Seems like you pose more of a risk for COVID if you are coming in and out of the hospital 🤔 have you considered getting a lawyer involved or talking with hospital management? I think I’d try to fight them from keeping me from staying with my baby, after all medical staff take an oath to do what’s best for patients! Baby needs Mommy and Mommy’s milk! 😖 I’m rooting for you

Our nicu baby spent 24 days there and came home on oxygen - that lasted almost until he turned 1. The post nicu time was easier but also brought other challenges. There are many other mommies who have been in your shoes and are there for you to relate with, vent to, etc as you want. Sending you all the love

My daughter is still at the nicu now and she’s currently on her second round of steroid to help her lungs it so tough

Girl, are you pumping? I did this when my baby was in the Nicu and it gave me hope and purpose. I know it achessssssss to go to the hospital and see your baby. My heart was ripped open every time. It sounds like your baby is going to make it though and just hold that hope. Cry. Pray. Write. I binge watched TV and slept on the couch with my husband after my csection and drank a lot of champurrado and ate tamales and chocolate. I never wanted to be alone. My heart is with you. You are not alone

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Yeah I am literally always pumping she’s got so much milk already

I read all of your messages whenever I'm starting to feel down 😭 I love you all so much ❤️❤️❤️

My baby was in special care for 2 wks its very hard xx

My boy was in nicu for a week when he was born! It was tough, I totally feel you! But my friend who knew what I was going through said he’s with the best babysitters he could ever have, which when I thought about it, it actually put me at ease. Try take the time you need to rest before he comes home, he’s gunna need his strong mumma when the time his ready xx

How is your baby doing @Rina

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That is such great news. I'm so happy for both of y'all. I hope you are doing okay too!!! 💜💜💜

He's doing well now!! He's 13 days old, they took the IV out and took off his pile oximeter. At this point he just needs to eat and grow! Hoping he can come home soon 🤞